Author Archives: Nicole

How to access your intuition

At some point in our lives we will be challenged to seek an answer that doesn’t exist “out there” – we must go within and listen to our intuition. We cannot live life through a formula – what works for someone else may not work for us. “Do this, do that, and you will be happy, this is what made me happy, you will be rich and successful if …” . The only way to find true happiness and success is by following your heart and your truth. And it’s not always easy when we are living in a world that is constantly bombarding us with messages that can instill fear. School doesn’t encourage children to think for themselves. We’re all born intuitive but it gets knocked out of us early on. Adults tell their children “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “go and play with such-and-such” and “Don’t be rude to Uncle Stan. He’d like you to sit on his lap.”So how do we access our intuition? And how do we expand our intuition? To find the answer, we must look at how we lost our intuition in the first place.

Little children are in touch with their intuition.

“Except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Little children don’t overthink things. They’re in touch with their feelings and instincts. The thinking mind hasn’t taken over yet and poisoned them with intellectualism. They’re innocent and trusting. Throughout our lives, we have learned to fear. By the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus isn’t referring to Heaven after we die; he’s talking about the Kingdom of Heaven that is available to us here on Earth now. So he’s saying “Stay true to your feelings, stay innocent and trusting of your inner guidance and you will create your own heaven.”

The only thing that stops us from listening to our own truth and following our own truth is fear. And that fear comes from our wounding, our conditioning and the limiting beliefs we have been taught, that disconnect us from our Divine Source. We can only follow and trust our intuition as much as we have grown and understood Truth. Many of us intrinsically don’t believe that it’s safe to trust our gut instinct, because we learned not to trust in the process of life. Many of us haven’t had enough opportunities to follow our truth and to see the miracles that can happen when we do.

In truth there is nothing to fear by following your own truth and everything to gain. The Supreme Intelligence does not want us to suffer, to feel anxious or fearful. The Supreme Intelligence loves us and wants us to feel safe and provided for. That is why it sends us messages – it’s constantly trying to speak to us, but we’re too busy, disconnected and ungrounded to receive these messages. The French philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal told us:

All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”

And the Greek philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras said:

“Learn to be silent. Let your quiet mind listen and absorb.”

These were two brilliant men – I trust their advice! We will never become intuitive with a busy mind. Intuition is a feeling thing; not a thinking thing.  If we meditate regularly, it is inevitable that the third eye, the chakra of intuition, will open and reveal truth to us. This may be frightening at first because we may get messages that we don’t want or that may not even make any sense, such as:

“This relationship is not for you. Get out!”

“You cannot stay in this job.”

“Do this” or “do that”.

The Divine Source is love and it will guide us to our highest good if we follow our feelings and trust.

If you want to expand your intuition, focus on the third eye chakra at the centre of your forehead and say:

“I am willing to see; I am willing to know.”

Every answer that you need already exists within you. When Michelangelo was asked how he went about sculpting the statue of David he said “The statue already exists in the marble.” The most divine, happy, successful version of you already exists within you too. There is nothing you need to “do” or to “add” to you. In fact it’s the opposite. You simply need to sit with yourself and be still and you will begin to let go of the illusions that trap you and keep you stuck and in fear. True transformation is a series of “letting go”, “peeling the onion” layer by layer until we arrive at our truth, our True Self. When we begin to wake up, we will start seeing truth and we get realisations about the lies we live by. We begin to question. Buddha tells us:

Do not believe what you have heard.

Do not believe in tradition because it is handed down many generations.

Do not believe in anything that has been spoken of many times.

Do not believe because the written statements come from some old sage.

Do not believe in conjecture.

Do not believe in authority or teachers or elders.

Do not believe what I say.

But after careful observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and it will benefit one and all, then accept it and live by it.

There are many so-called “truths”  that we take on because we’ve been conditioned to believe them. When we let go of the illusions, we set ourselves free. And miracles are just that: a change of perception and therefore a change of reality.

When we first choose to use our intuition, however, we may not see miracles straight away; we may see chaos, and unsettling situations that bring up all our fears. It will seem scary. This is the Universe re-arranging all the choices of the past that didn’t serve us, that have to be re-arranged if we are to step onto our true path. And this is true for anybody when they make the courageous decision to follow their intuition.

Knowing that we are connected to a Divine Matrix of energy that wants to support us and help us is the key.  This is why we meditate – to connect with the Divine Intelligence and allow it to channel through us. 

“When we ask for guidance and lay aside the reasoning mind we are tapping the Universal supply of all knowledge. Anything necessary for you to know will be revealed to you.” – Florence Scovel-Shinn.

So if you have a challenge, surrender it to the Universe and ask for all you need to know and Divine guidance. I’ve never known this not to work.

“I surrender to You this situation. Thank You for revealing to me all that I need to know, and all that I need to do.”

And then surrender and trust that it will all come to you in divine and perfect timing. Continue a regular meditation practice, continue daily prayer or to have times of quiet solitude, away from all the noise and confusing messages.

he third eye will open more, the more we allow our messages to come through and to FOLLOW THEM. But if we don’t follow the messages, eventually the third eyes shuts down. This is why people stay in abusive relationships. The signs are always there early on, but the person shuts them out. He or she wants to believe that he/she is the one and they’ll change. Sign after sign (a slap on the arm, a nasty name called) and he/ she ignores it, and, like the boiling frog, this all begins to get normalised until he/she is experiencing full-on emotional abuse, mental abuse and/or physical abuse. When the early abuse started, every cell in the body would have been screaming “Get out! You’re not safe!” But then the reasoning mind comes in: “Yes, but who’s going to pay the bills? And what are people going to think? I don’t want to disrupt the children and leave this house …” And so eventually the third eye shuts down. “What’s the use?” says the Higher Self.

A client told me recently that she ignored a sign from the Universe, so the Universe sent her a stronger sign. She didn’t want to follow that either. “Then it sent me brick,” she said. Occurrences like accidents, health scares and crises are the Universe’s way of making us wake up and see something we don’t want to see. We’re better off following the smaller signs that are presented to us initially than ignoring them until it turns into a brick!

Many of us receive signs and guidance from the outside. If you want to receive more signs, say to Universe:

“I am open to signs and guidance. Thank You for sending me signs and guidance.”

Your signs and guidance will be unique to you. Some people see angel feathers, many of us see sequential numbers, we may hear a song or see a sign or a headline with a meaningful instruction on it.

To sum up, here are the ways to increase your intuitive power:

  1. Meditate, pray and have times of quiet solitude.
  2. Declare “I am willing to see. I am willing to know.”
  3. Declare “I am open to signs and guidance”.
  4. Declare “Everything I need to know is shown to me”.
  5. If you are getting guidance and signs but don’t want to follow it, ask yourself “what am I afraid of?” and then “What do I have to believe to be afraid of this?”
  6. If you’re not sure about the messages you are getting, ask for a further sign.
  7. After meditation, actively seek a sign, such as taking a guidance card from a deck or opening a spiritual book and see where the page turns. You will be surprised how often you will get the message you needed.
  8. If you have a problem, take a card from a guidance deck. “Thank you for telling me what I need to know right now about this situation”. Again, you may be surprised how uncanny the answer is.



Presence, Intention, Surrender

Living life intentionally is a powerful way of living, and yet the very energy of goals and forward-thinking can take us out of the present moment. The most important thing in this lifetime is for us to learn is presence. The simple art of being right here, right now in this present moment.

The more present we become, the more aware we become and the more intuitive we become. This leads to divine right action in the present moment. So presence is what creates our ideal future, because when we’re fully present we are instinctively choosing divine right action in the moment.

If we’re not present, we won’t be grounded, and when we’re not grounded, we’re scattered – scattered thinking, scattered actions. We’ve got to be grounded in order to manifest our earthly desires. We’ve got to connect to the Earth so that the Earth can give to us. Grounding feels good. When we’re grounded we’ve got greater focus because our mind is quiet.

Presence can seem like the opposite of making plans, setting goals and thinking about the future. “Being” can seem like the opposite of “doing”.

But actually there is no real opposition, as long as we make PRESENCE our priority. In presence, we can DO. In presence, we can make plans for the future. In presence we can visualise our desires, list our goals and begin working towards them. And in presence, we will do it all very effectively. We get tripped up when we prioritise the vision and the goals BEFORE becoming present. This is what leads to ungroundedness. It leads us to not be here because we’re already “over there” in the future. And so the present moment is drained. And then we’ll be feeling like we’re in lack because we’ll be over-attached to our future dream which we haven’t got yet. And we won’t be enjoying the present moment which is all that we have.

There is nothing wrong with desiring certain things. It’s human nature. But beware the ego mind, which can have you convinced that a certain thing will make you happy. How many times have you manifested something you really wanted only to find it didn’t fulfill you or you realised that it also had negative aspects? Because, believe me, EVERYTHING that you want will have both positive and negative aspects to it, so it’s wise to become aware of them before drawing your vision to you. For example, you’d like to find a life partner. All relationships are wonderful, until they’re not! You will have challenges. If you want something, by all means, visualise it, ask for it but also SURRENDER. The act of surrender means you surrender your desire to the Universe by detaching from it.

“I surrender this to You. If it’s in my highest good, thank you for making it happen and if it is not, thank you for sending me what is ultimately for my highest good”.

The Universe knows far better than you do what will fulfill you, and so often it has much greater plans for you than you do for yourself!

As humans, we are innately creative and we are here to learn how to create. But as the Buddhists tell us, the greatest path to misery is “wanting”. The very energy of wanting creates a sense of lack. It’s ok to desire something, as long as we feel happy and whole right now in this present moment. Desire tips into wanting when we don’t feel happy with what we already have. That emptiness creates wanting. And wanting will only create one thing. More wanting!

So how do we balance staying present AND hold our intentions for the future?

  1. Meditate each morning – when we meditate we are effectively communing directly with God/Universe. It’s our direct line. That communion will provide all you need. I don’t know of any other way of experiencing presence that is more powerful than by meditation. To really gain the benefits of meditation, you need to do it every day. Like going to the gym, one session won’t make a difference, but do it for 30 days and there will be a marked difference. And just like the gym, you may not like working out, but you do it because you know it’s good for you. Meditation is the same. Commit to it. Ignore the ego’s protestations. I suggest morning because you will experience the benefits from that meditation all day AND because, just like exercise, if we get it done first thing, it’s likely we will do it. If we put it off till later, it’s far less likely we will do it.
  2. Practise gratitude – if you’re not grateful for what you have now, you’re not going to be grateful for what you create in the future. Chronic lack is created by the ego mind. By default, we slip into it. We must proactively counteract it by practising gratitude regularly. List either on paper or in a journal or in your mind all that you are grateful for today. It’s very difficult to manifest anything from a vibration of lack. It’s like planting seeds in barren soil. You’ve got to plant the seeds in fertile soil. You’ve got to feel rich to create rich!
  3. Work towards your goals with calmness and serenity –  take action towards your vision but go at God’s pace. Not a crazy pace. Do what you can comfortably do today and what you cannot do today, do tomorrow. Don’t set yourself false timelines that create stress. To be in the Universal Flow, you need to feel peaceful, spacious and calm. Remember what Bill Gates said – “People tend to overestimate what they can do in the short-term and underestimate what they can do in the long-term”. Surrender your dream to the Universe, and realise that it’s going to take as long as it takes.
  4. Have another short meditate or pray before you begin working each day – ask to be supported and guided in all that you do, so that it feels easy and flowing.
  5. Follow your bliss – If you’ve got a to-do list, choose the tasks that feel the most joyful to do today. Let go of the ego-mind “shoulds”. What you feel inspired to do you are meant to do.
  6. Follow the path of least resistance – if you have a difficult day or period where certain tasks feel blocked, leave them alone for a while. Take a breather. Take a walk in nature and come back to them later when you’re feeling clearer and less frustrated. Sometimes you need to leave things alone for a few days and get on with other things. And sometimes these blocks resolve themselves without any interference from you!
  7. Surrender any blocks – when you get to the tasks that you feel disinclined to do, surrender them to the Universe. “I surrender this task to You. Please help me.” Break the task down into small bites. You’ll be surprised how it then becomes easy! Decide that you are going to enjoy doing this task, like Mary Poppins. In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap the job’s a game. Try it. It works!
  8. Let go of the idea of multi-tasking – there really is no such thing, because we can only ever do one thing at a time. Juggling creates unneeded stress and can unground you. Let your mind focus on one thing at a time – you’ll do the job much better because you won’t be wasting energy jumping from one thing to another.
  9. At the end of every day, sit quietly for a few minutes – review all that you have achieved, and I don’t mean just “work” stuff. Your life consists of everything. Getting up, cleaning your teeth, meditating, exercising, choosing your clothes, cooking, cleaning, eating, going places, taking the garbage out, giving kind words to others, helping a family member or friend. Just take a minute or two to realise ALL that you achieve in a day and give yourself a loving and appreciative pat on the back. Giving gratitude to yourself in this way takes you out of that lack mentality that most of us fall into where you only notice only  what you DIDN’T get done today.
  10. Finalise and let go of work each day– no matter what your work or what your goals are, have a cut-off time each day, where you finalise and complete today’s tasks. Anything that you wanted to get done but couldn’t, put it on the to-do list for tomorrow. Stop looking at your phone and emails from, say, 7pm or whatever time works for you. Create a time that is your relaxation time, and don’t allow work/vision/goals to enter into it. Relax and be present. Focus on enjoying yourself and doing something you love. This is your daily reward.
  11. Cultivate trust – we’ve probably all heard the catchphrase “The Universe has my back”. It’s true! But many of us don’t experience this because we don’t trust. Trust is a two-way street. We’ve got to trust the Universe for it to have our back! Last year I gave everyone at Meditation Evening something called an Evidence Journal. What you do with an evidence journal is that you write in it every time you are shown a miracle, every time something goes your way, or works in your favour. So you’re accumulating evidence that the Universe is on your side. We all go through times when we’re in fear and we stop trusting. But if you’ve kept your evidence journal, you can read through it during these non-trusting times and be reminded of how often the Universe has looked after you. These reminders will change your vibration from fear to trust. And eventually you won’t need your evidence journal anymore because you will have built a solid foundation of trust.

We are all naturally creative. That is who we are. We are here to create by using thought over form. We are here to learn just how powerful we are. We are worthy and deserving of creating our desires. Creating something different to what we have now, requires that we still appreciate and are content with all that we have now, even if we want something different. That’s the paradox.

Presence and Intention aren’t opposites. They are, in fact, the two necessary components to creating your ideal life.


All I have right now is all that I need.

I am so grateful for all that I have right now.

From little things, big things grow.

I have all the resources within me right here, right now, to manifest my dreams.

I surrender my dreams and I trust in the Universe.

I live my life at God’s pace.

I love my future plans and dreams, but I also love the now.

The now is the field of infinite possibilities

Now is all I have.




“I surrender to You my vision, my hopes and my dreams. I surrender to You all doubt, mistrust and fear. Thank you for manifesting all that is in my highest good in Divine and perfect timing.”

New Year Ritual for 2019

New Year is a wonderful time  to let go of the old and bring in the new. It’s a great time to focus on your goals, visions and dreams. If you want 2019 to be all that it can be, I highly recommend doing this New Year ritual which I do with my meditation group each year. By doing this New Year ritual, you bring healing, conscious awareness and conscious intention into 2019. By resolving any challenges you experienced in 2018, you’re creating a clean slate for 2019. By creating conscious intention for 2019, you are becoming a deliberate creator. However, don’t forget that you are CO-CREATING, that is, creating in cooperation with the Divine Source. Don’t let your ego go it alone, because that creates an over-attachment to an outcome which can then create a sense of lack and misery. By co-creating, we are asking for what we want, we can work towards what we want, but we’re also surrendering and trusting in the Divine Source to deliver our vision to us.

If there are things you’d like to manifest and they’re not being created, know that the greatest blocks to manifesting what we want are these five  things:

  • Low self-worth – we can only ever create what we feel we’re worthy of
  • Unforgiveness – creates toxic emotions which prevent us from feeling love
  • Lack of gratitude – creates a lack mentality from which nothing can grow
  • Lack of clarity – if we’re not clear in our minds, we can’t be clear in our creations
  • Not detaching – and therefore not allowing the Universe to orchestrate in its own unique way.

You may have heard me talk before about the ORIGINAL DIVINE BLUEPRINT. This is a blueprint that is already present within you. It is you living your life to its full potential – in love, in abundance, in success and in good health. It is the original plan that your soul agreed upon this lifetime and encoded into that plan are challenges and lessons. In order to evolve and transform and come into alignment with our original divine blueprint, we must face certain challenges. That is why challenges are inevitable and will be inevitable throughout our lives. We actually need them. Without challenge, we don’t grow into our full potential. So accept and welcome challenge! When the lessons from that challenge have been learned, we “upgrade” into a higher and better version of ourselves.

And just as gain is a part of life, so is loss. Our ego loves the gains and hates the losses but we must let go of the old so as to bring in the new. In Divine Law there is actually no such thing as loss unless we believe in loss. There is the Universal Law of Replacement – and when we understand this law, we know that whatever we lose will be replaced with something the same or better. Gain is no better than loss. Each are like two sides of a coin. And just as there is no such thing as loss in Divine Mind, there is also no such thing as gain. Know that to gain anything, you will have to let go of something else!


In a journal, exercise book or piece of paper write the heading CHALLENGES AND LOSSES OF 2018. Contemplate and write down your biggest challenges and any losses that you experienced in 2018

Sit quietly and ask yourself the following questions:

  • In what ways am I being challenged to grow because of this problem?
  • How have I become a better person because of this problem?
  • How could I become a better person because of this problem?
  • Are there any old beliefs or thoughts or ways of being that aren’t serving me anymore?
  • Can I let them go?
  • Is there anyone I need to forgive?

Be willing to forgive anyone, including yourself, otherwise your heart hardens, love stops flowing and that won’t ever help your creative abilities.

Picture anyone you need to forgive and say the Ho-Oponopono Prayer.

I’m sorry – I’m sorry for withholding love from you and for judging you

Please forgive me

I love you – I love you as the divine essence you truly are

Thank you – thank you for coming into my life to teach me forgiveness and unconditional love.

And now, on another page or piece of paper, write ACHIEVEMENTS AND GAINS OF 2018. So now, go ahead, write down all the good stuff.

And say a heartfelt prayer of gratitude. Gratitude expands all that you are grateful for.

And next it’s time to contemplate the vision you have for yourself in 2019. On the third page or piece of paper, write down MY VISION FOR 2019. Write down what you’d like to manifest and can I suggest you make sure you cover the following areas:

  • Health & Wellbeing
  • Career/Work
  • Abundance/Money
  • Relationships

Close your eyes and visualise already enjoying this manifestation until you are in the FEELING place of it. The feeling is the vibration that will draw this to you.

And now, on the final page or piece of paper, write out your vision as an affirmation. Starting with I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT … write it like you already have it. Keep this affirmation close by your bed such as in your bedside table drawer and say it with conviction every night before you go to bed and every morning when you wake up. Your subconscious mind will go about creating it, but have patience. The Universe always needs time to orchestrate. And expect challenges. They are a necessary part of the creation process. Challenges, if you choose to be conscious and aware, are a healing opportunity to clear something in you that may be blocking the way to having what you desire.

Know that you are so much more than you think you are. You are worthy and deserving of living a fulfilling, prosperous, loving and happy life. In the words of Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


And Best Wishes for 2019.



Be Mindful, Present and Peaceful this Christmas

Most of us love Christmas, but it can be a time when whatever isn’t working in our lives is magnified, particularly if we’ve experienced a loss such as the death of a loved one, a divorce, a break-up or illness, or if we find ourselves without family or alone. And even if we are with family at Christmas, any family relationships that are difficult get magnified too. Finances can be stretched at Christmas, which can create an underlying anxiety. Add to this the expectation or hope that we’re going to feel connected and loved, there are plenty of good reasons to stay mindful and aware at Christmas. So here are some suggestions to keep you mindful, present and peaceful this Christmas.

  1. Look after yourself before you take care of anyone else. The better you feel and the more energy you have, the more able you are going to be to cope with whatever Christmas throws at you. Meditate or find some quiet reflective time for yourself everyday. Practise gratitude. If you are drinking more than usual, look after your liver by drinking lemon juice and warm water first thing every morning and hydrate regularly with water.
  2. Stay mindful. The energy on the roads and in the shopping centres is frantic leading up to Christmas. By being fully present and imagining a bubble of white light all around you to protect your energy, you won’t get caught up in the craziness. Stay mindful around family too. Old dysfunctional dynamics and emotional reactions are far more likely to play out at Christmas than at any other time.
  3. Be the eye of the storm. If you have difficult family members to deal with on Christmas Day, imagine being “the eye of the storm”. You don’t have to be a part of the storm! You can be the still, calm eye of the storm. Sit back and be the observer. Choose to respond in a mindful way and not react from the ego.
  4. Spend less and focus more on experiences and the senses. Studies have shown that happiness levels have little to do with spending more or having more. Whether or not you are financially constrained, you will find that by focusing on beautiful experiences (an outing to see the Christmas lights, decorating a Christmas tree while listening to your favourite music, mindfully preparing a Christmas meal with love, deeply engaging with loved ones) and focusing less on “stuff” (expensive presents, organic ham, turkey and champagne) your Christmas will be a rich one.
  5. Change traditions. If you have experienced the death of a loved one, a break-up, a divorce or any form of loss, Christmas can be a dreaded time of year. Realise that Christmas doesn’t have to take the form it always has. You can create whatever kind of Christmas you feel will help you through the season. If you are alone, plan something to treat yourself – it doesn’t have to be Christmassy – or help out at a soup kitchen if that appeals to you. Don’t be frightened of being alone and feeling the sadness. Be your own best friend – nobody knows you more than you, so who better to spend Christmas with?

And remember what the true spirit of Christmas is – Hope and Rebirth.

Addictions, Emotions and Mindfulness

We are all searching for wholeness, be it consciously or unconsciously …

If we are searching consciously, we will choose activities to enhance our growth and evolution such as spending time in nature, eating healthy food, exercising and seeking spiritual connection through meditation, prayer, reading, writing, dancing, painting or whatever form of inquiry or expression inspires us.

If we’re not searching for wholeness consciously, however, we will still be searching for it unconsciously. The unconscious search for wholeness will usually take us down the path of addiction – addiction to alcohol, drugs, sugar, cigarettes, shopping, gambling, porn.

When viewed through this lens of seeking wholeness, we can have compassion for ourselves or others who are in the grip of addiction. Sadly, the path of addiction will never serve us.

Do you struggle with addictions? Your body is your temple. We all know this – your body is your vehicle that transports you through your life and so it makes sense to look after it – yet for some of us the body becomes a rubbish tip, even with the best intentions.  None of us intend not to look after our bodies, and yet we sabotage our bodies in so many ways. And one of the most common ways is with addictions. Addictions come from a desire to run away from yourself, from fear and not knowing how to love yourself.

“Alcoholics are drunk with their thinking before they are drunk with their drinking” – Louise Hay.

Addictions never serve you, because the initial high eventually wears off, causing you to need more and more of the substance you’re craving and feeling less and less high, more and more depressed, and often leaving a path of destruction behind you or within you.

Louise Hay tells us that smoking is really about “putting up a smoke screen”. What don’t you want to face? Alcoholics often suffer from feelings of futility, guilt, inadequacy and self-rejection. The use of recreational drugs really comes from a desire to feel connected and to feel a higher level of consciousness. The problem is, when we use drugs to get that high, we can’t sustain it. What goes up must come down. The Beatles eventually realised this and chose transcendental meditation instead of drugs. Sugar is a common addiction, particularly for women. We’re craving sweetness because we are not sweet enough to ourselves.

If you’ve got an addiction, go back to the thought just prior to the thought that you need a drink or a cigarette or chocolate or whatever it is you’re craving. The prior thought is what you’re trying to shut down with the substance. Your uninvestigated thinking is the problem, not the addiction!

“Alcohol is honest and true; it promises to get you drunk and it does; it promises to make things worse and it does. It’s always true to its word. It’s a great teacher of integrity. It doesn’t say “drink me”. It just sits there, true to itself, waiting to do its job.” – Byron Katie.

There’s nothing evil about “the drink”; it is what it is. It’s our toxic thinking and our toxic emotions that need healing.

Emotions have a huge impact on the body. There is nothing more toxic than toxic emotions. They will kill you far more quickly than bad food, alcohol, cigarettes or anything else. Why is it that some people can smoke all their lives and live to 92 and others die of lung cancer at 57? The likely cause will be unresolved emotional issues. It’s the same with alcoholics – some will live a long life and others will die young. There’s a big difference between drinking to be joyful and drinking to drown your sorrows; eating to savour a lovely meal or eating to stuff your painful feelings down.

Emotions come from thoughts. Thoughts come from the mind. The mind can be our servant or it can be our master. That’s why we meditate. To become mindful and less fused with our thoughts and to master our emotions.

If you have a strong addiction, the craving can feel overwhelming. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself in your struggle. Own your addiction; admit to it. If it has become a serious problem, seek support. It’s very hard to do it alone. There are 12 Step programs for most addictions now. Surrender to the Higher Power and ask to be healed of this addiction.

You can also use mindfulness to help with the healing process. When craving comes, sit with it for at least fifteen minutes. Feel what it’s like to crave. Just sit and feel the feelings. Notice your emotions. Notice your physical sensations. Notice your thoughts. Continue to be kind to yourself. If you give into the craving afterwards, slow down the process of what you are doing. Light and smoke the cigarette slowly, mindfully eat the chocolate or drink the drink. Really notice what you are doing and how you are feeling while you’re doing it. In this way, you are bringing presence and spaciousness into your actions and you become more conscious, and that is what we are all here to learn.

Your body is the loving reflection of your mind. 

Beauty, Weight and Mindfulness

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the media is obsessed with body image. Many of us obsess about our weight and staying young. Unless we are mindful, we can fall into the trap of the messages that are out there, attempting to convince us that somehow we are not enough. Open a magazine and it’s full of bikini-clad celebrities and models, This can easily create in us a sense of discontent with our own body. It takes conscious awareness not to be drawn into this “I have to be perfect” mindset which creates inner turmoil. Beauty isn’t about perfection and it’s certainly not about feeling not good enough. True beauty must begin on the inside, and we can do this through mindfulness.

Your body is the loving reflection of your mind! Change your mind and you will change your body!

We live in interesting times. We have an obesity epidemic and fast food on every corner, and we also have an obsession with the “body beautiful” and a myriad of weight loss products on the market. It’s very polarised. There are thousands of products out there now for weight loss. Buy the product, you’ll lose the weight, and you’ll probably put it back on again too, unless you deal with the underlying issues causing the excess weight.

There are many underlying reasons why people become overweight – that person may be eating too much, but why are they eating too much? Most people put on weight as protection – they seek protection from hurts, criticism, abuse, sexuality, sexual advances and from a fear of life in general or specifically. Childhood sexual abuse, or abuse of any kind, can be a common reason why people become obese – they are afraid to show their beauty.

Some of us are stuffing down food so as to stuff down our emotions. Filling ourselves up because we feel empty. Food addiction is like any other addiction. We are using a substance to push down uncomfortable feelings. Addiction is a way we numb out from pain.

Fighting the fat with diets doesn’t work because it doesn’t resolve the underlying issues AND it creates a relationship of punishment and reward. Loving and approving of yourself, being willing to see and own your beauty and trusting in the process of life make the best diet I know of.

In her book “French women don’t get fat”, Mireille Guiliano tells us how she went to America as an exchange student in the early 60’s and got fat. She got thin again after she got home to France and the family doctor re-attuned her to the French way of eating. The difference? The French have a very different relationship with food to what most of us have (well, back then anyway!).

“French women simply do not suffer the terror of kilos that afflicts so many of their sisters in other developed countries. We don’t talk about diets. French women take pleasure in staying slim by eating well while Anglo Saxons see it as a conflict and obsess over it. French women eat with their heads and they do not leave the table feeling stuffed or guilty.”

It’s all about balance. So what is your relationship with food? Do you have addiction? Is there fear? Is there guilt? 

The messages we get from our parents also play a huge role – their relationship with food and their attitude towards body size. I had an overweight client who was constantly on diets. When she was growing up her overweight mother was always on a diet. Many parents stuff food down a baby’s mouth no matter what the problem, and we take the habit with us into our adult life.

And on the other end of the spectrum, we have anorexia and bulimia, which is to do with extreme self-loathing and wanting to disappear. I’ve done work with people on both ends of the spectrum. Obviously we have had to get to the underlying issues, but all clients, both overweight and anorexic, have all found that mindfulness is a really important part of their healing. When an overweight client is having food cravings, I’ve asked her to sit with it for at least 15 minutes and see what comes up. Even if she gives into the craving after the 15 minutes, she’s created some space and had a chance to feel into what “craving” feels like. Usually craving feels so overwhelming that we immediately reach for what we’re craving so as to satiate it.  When you sit with it and allow the feeling to just be there, very often it will shift and another layer will come up – it could be a feeling of sadness, grief, shame or a childhood memory or something else. I’ve also done this method with girls who have bulimia. Sitting for 15 minutes while feeling the urge to purge.

You can do it with any addiction or compulsive behaviour. Every time you do this, you’re creating a space between the urge and the action, and that’s where your power is. If you have a habit of compulsive eating or are overweight, try giving your full attention to a meal and slow down when you’re eating. Eat mindfully, really taste and appreciate the flavours and textures.

And then there’s our face, the part of us that represents us, that we put out into the world. Again, we live in interesting times. We have the media telling us we need to look more youthful, The use of products like botox and fillers is common. There’s plastic surgery (for our face and everywhere else). In general, there is a lack of acceptance that we all age, but I liken fighting age with pushing a boulder up a hill. No matter what you do, it’s all going to go south eventually! Why do we try so hard to hold onto our youth? And why do we see beauty only in youth? Every age has its own beauty.

Better to face your fear of aging, of getting old and eventually dying. Meditation and yoga, having positive thoughts and being willing to grow will do a lot more for you than plastic surgery. Aim to stay young on the inside and the outside will take care of itself. The old person with a permanently scowling face did not produce that by having joyous loving thoughts!

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having cosmetic treatments and cosmetic surgery, but if you, you may want to ask yourself why. The answer will be “so that I will be more attractive” – and what are we trying to attract? Love! “If I make myself more attractive, I will love myself more and other people will love me more too”.  Change that thought to “If I love myself more, I will become more attractive and other people will love me more.”

Love has to be found within first. Are you looking for love “out there” before seeking it “in here”? Are you living at a superficial level? Are you needing to go deeper to find true fulfilment? People who love themselves tend to age better than those who don’t. Those who fear being themselves, who are stuck in old thinking or who find it hard being in the NOW tend to age more quickly.

If you truly want to access your own beauty, go within. Practise mindfulness. Become the observer of yourself with all your insecurities, cravings, neediness, self-loathing and self-criticism. Observe it all with self-compassion. Love whatever comes up. By doing this, we are dealing with our not-enoughness at its root. The diet products, the botox and the surgery are dealing with our not-enoughness from the other end. Mindfulness meditation – it’s simple and it’s free!

How to align to your soul

For your life to be fulfilling, you must align to your soul. Your soul is the divine essence of you, the part of you that was never born, never dies and is eternal. It is more powerful than you can comprehend. The soul is made up of the spirit (which is intangible) and the material (which is tangible). It is the fabric that represents us. Every soul has a purpose and a mission, and it ultimately runs the show. The sooner we accept that, the better our life will be. We are just visitors passing through, and when we align to what our soul wants, we will know happiness and fulfilment. If we continually ignore what our soul wants, happiness and fulfilment evade us. So how do we align to our soul and know what it wants?

Follow your bliss. Whatever gives you a feeling of inspiration and excitement will be soul-aligned – creative pursuits, being in nature, travel – these things will be unique to you. Joseph Campbell told us “Follow your bliss, and doors will open where once there were walls.”

Become present. Stop whatever you are doing on a regular basis and breathe. Notice what is going on around you without labelling it or creating a story in your mind about it.

Meditate. Connection to soul is most easily sourced from going within, but it’s not the only way. I highly recommend the free meditation app Insight Timer which has some wonderful guided meditations and mindfulness meditations. 

Read about personal growth and spirituality, The more you learn about spiritual growth and truth, the more you are able to perceive things from the soul’s perspective. If you’re not sure where to start, here are some books (which are not recent publications but were best sellers for a reason) which I highly recommend:

You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay

The Power is Within You – Louise Hay

The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success – Deepak Chopra

A Return to Love – Marianne Williamson

A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle

Soul Contracts – Carolyn Myss

There are so many great books out there, but these are a good start and many are available as audiobooks.

Slow down. Go at nature’s pace or God’s pace. Nature doesn’t rush. By slowing down and bringing mindful awareness into all that we do, we create spaciousness and presence. When we are fully conscious in the now, we ARE soul aligned. St. Francis of Assisi wanted to live amongst nature and he told his congregations that if they wanted to be happy and find peace, to slow down. So much of what we do and try and pack into a day is non-essential. Much of what we spend our money on is also non-essential. Life is much richer when we slow down. If you’re doing a chore like the washing up, slow down, enjoy it! In most tasks, like Mary Poppins tells us, there is an element of fun. Time means nothing to the soul because it’s eternal. The soul transcends time. The ego says “I must meet this deadline or I won’t get paid”. The soul says “I am always supported and looked after. I’ll do that when I’m feeling inclined to do it.” Soul-based decisions ALWAYS work out well. Ego-based decisions just create more speed and stress.

Become aware of your heart. The portal to the soul is the open heart. We are meant to follow our hearts and not our minds! The mind is great at sorting out the small stuff like doing sums, making lists and sorting. The big decisions in life need to be heart decisions. When we follow our hearts, we align to our soul, because the heart always chooses love. The heart will choose a job it loves, it will choose people it loves, it will want to do the things that make you feel good. Heart decisions come from FEELING not THINKING.

Source beauty. Wherever you see beauty, give thanks. The soul loves beauty. Spend time in nature and in beautiful places. We all have our idea of what is beautiful. I love spending time in art galleries, in gardens, in museums looking at beautiful old artefacts, reading poetry, hugging trees and painting. Make beautiful things, have a cup of tea in a fine china cup, make a meal and set the table to look beautiful with table cloth, candles and flowers. Go on holidays to somewhere beautiful. The soul is fed by beauty. Have you ever noticed that when you’re working a lot and haven’t had time to see or be in beauty, how flat, tired and even depressed you become? That’s because the soul needs attention.

Get in touch with your inner child. Your inner child (as opposed to your wounded child) is a loving, playful, light-hearted, free little being. Remember when you were a child and all the things you loved to do. What gave you joy? In what ways were you playful? In what ways were you creative? What were your favourite activities? Chances are that these activities will still bring you joy and have something to do with your soul’s purpose and expression.

Make a list of your favourite things – like the Sound of Music song, become aware of the things you love. They may not be doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles, but by writing as much as you can, you will be delving deep into your soul and chances are that the first few things that you write and the last few things that you write will be the things that make your soul feel alive and aligned. I suggest 100 things because it forces you to really excavate yourself and go deep. The more you give your soul the things it loves, the stronger its presence becomes and the more connected you will feel to it.

Surrender more, do less. Most of us are so conditioned to “doing” and action-oriented activities, that we’ve forgotten how NOT “to do”. The ego thinks it has to be constantly busy, not trusting that the Universe is supportive. Our minds complicate things and makes them harder than they need to be. We fill our diaries with activities, disallowing space to just be. We rush in to fix things, instead of just allowing them to be and allowing time to contemplate what to do next. And sometimes we just need to let things be. The old saying “When in doubt, don’t” is a good one.

The more you do these things (or DON’T do, as the case may be!) the more you activate the relationship with your soul, and the more you will be directed by it. Sometimes the direction you get won’t make any common sense at all. That’s because the soul, in its infinite intelligence, doesn’t operate through common sense. The soul is connected to your Divine Blueprint (the divine plan for your life) and knows far more than your mind does. And that is why soul choices, even if they don’t make any sense at the time, always work out, ultimately for your highest good.

“My Soul is my guide, for my soul is of that abode. I will not speak of the earthly. I am of the Unknown.” – Rumi.


You are not a victim!

You are not a victim! One of our greatest problems is that we allow other people and circumstances to define who we are.

“Our human relationships change fundamentally once we stop looking for fulfilment or our sense of self in others” – Eckhart Tolle

This is the truth of who you really are ;

  • You are already perfect, whole and complete.
  • You are a divine being who is connected to the Divine Matrix – a divine intelligence
  • You are a part of it and it is a part of you.
  • Everything you need is already within you.
  • The essence of you is love.
  • None of this can ever be taken away from you.

Our ego is the victim. It is an accumulation of unexamined beliefs. It feeds off the wounded child and our self-limiting beliefs.and creates and perpetuates our pain. It convinces us that its way will create our power, but it creates our powerlessness. It lead us always down the path of temptation – indignant self-righteousness, violent communication, toxic emotions and addictions are all borne of the ego.  The only way for us to evolve and let go of our pain is to transcend the ego. We can do this through becoming present and conscious and being willing to see our circumstances through a different lens.

Relationships are key to our growth. If we choose to be conscious, through relationships we can learn more about ourselves and heal ourselves because every relationship is a healing opportunity to transcend the ego, and therefore our shame and our pain.

If you really think about it, why do we allow other people, who also have their feelings of shame, their wounds, their pain, to define who we are? Why do we get upset by the way other people treat us? And conversely, why do we feel so good when other people praise us? When you truly know yourself, neither criticism nor flattery concerns you for long.

Remember, everything in this earthly world is just an illusion, but the ego is very attached to it all – judging it good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative. Through meditation, healing and spiritual knowledge, you begin to know who you really are. You develop a relationship with the Source, and that is where your power lies. When you know who you really are, nobody and nothing gets to you because your ego, with all its shame and pain, is no longer dominant. Your True Self, connected to the Source, comes to the fore.

It is the ego that feels diminished by other people’s words and actions. The True You knows that there is nothing that is truly important that can ever be taken away from you, and that which can be taken away isn’t important.

If you’ve been hurt by someone, you can feel diminished, but the only thing they have taken away is a part of who you thought you were. The True You is still there totally intact. She/he cannot be destroyed.

From this self-knowledge we realise that we are not victims. And yet who among us have not at some point in our lives blamed someone else for our lack of happiness? The victim archetype has been deeply ingrained in all of us and it exerts great power in the mass consciousness.  If we’re identifying with the victim archetype we will be CREATING PERSECUTORS. The story cannot work without both roles. Very often victims become persecutors, and persecutors become victims. The persecutor/victim pattern plays out everywhere in the world and is a predominant story – whether it be in a war zone, the school playground, an office or your own home..

Every situation where you feel victimised is an opportunity to transcend this victim pattern, and every situation where you are the aggressor/the persecutor, you have an opportunity to transcend this pattern too. It’s easy to see a victim as powerless and the persecutor as powerful, however whether you are a victim OR a persecutor, you’re not powerful. Persecutors (who are operating on ego power) aren’t powerful because they’re in fear, not love. They’re creating negative karma for themselves that will keep them powerless ultimately.


If we are to transform anything completely and fully, we have to experience it completely and fully. There is no shortcut! And therefore we need situations in our lives that get us feeling victimised so that we can transform the energy. Your soul actually creates these circumstances as a healing opportunity..

No one said that transformation isn’t painful. Know that any painful circumstance you are going through is your healing opportunity. The ego hates pain; it doesn’t want to feel pain, and so it will have you focusing on the other person’s behaviour and wrongness and guilt, so as to prevent you from feeling and self-exploration.

Your ultimate spiritual mission is to transform the energy pattern of the victim archetype. Every one of us possesses the wisdom and love necessary to do this IF we choose to be conscious.

So how do we transcend the victim archetype?

  1. We must become aware of our ego – the ego IS the victim and the persecutor. It feeds on the wounded child (our wounded self) and self-limiting beliefs. The best way to become aware of the ego is to meditate on a regular basis. This creates a spaciousness in our minds.
  2. We choose to not view anything as right/wrong or good/bad. We let go of all judgment!
  3. We choose to know there is an important message for us in any victim situation – there’s something within ourselves to heal or to be corrected.
  4. We take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in our lives. NOTHING is created out there; the problem lies “in here”.
  5. We examine our feelings and the beliefs behind those feelings.
  6. The portal through which we can resolve and heal situations is the open heart.and the vibration we choose is humility
  7. We see all that isn’t love as not being real or powerful, and so we don’t identify with it
  8. We lovingly see the imperfection in the situation.
  9. We see our persecutor as our healing angel who has come to show us our wound or limiting belief.
  10. We don’t have to agree with or condone anyone else’s behaviour, but we choose to accept it, not take it personally and move on with our lives
  11. We focus on healing and correcting ourselves.and honour ourselves as spiritual beings having a human experience.

Victim/persecutor relationships are SOUL CONTRACTS. Our souls made an agreement to do a certain kind of dance with each other as an opportunity to grow and transcend. See your persecutor as your healing angel! They are here to reflect back to you a wound or a belief that needs to be healed or transformed so that you may evolve further.

When we gain conscious awareness that there is something IN US that is creating these situations and people, drawing them to us, we can go one step beyond that. If we had the power to create it, we have the power now to dissolve it. And your current challenge right now is the one you are meant to be resolving – as long as you’re awake and willing.


I am already perfect, whole and complete.

I am a part of the Universal Whole.

I am Divine Intelligence.

I am pure love.

No one and nothing can take from me who I really am.

I am here to evolve, and change, and transform into an ever higher version of myself.

People and situations that challenge me are here for my highest good.

I choose to be conscious.

I choose to see the perfection in every situation that happens in my life.

I choose not to judge or blame, but to accept and explore..

Everything that happens in my life I have chosen on a soul level for my growth and evolution.

Every enemy is my healing angel.

My suffering is my healing opportunity.

This http:// is reflecting back to me something I must heal in myself.

I thank this person for showing me.

I am a spiritual being having a human experience and I love myself in all my imperfection.

For I am already whole and complete.

And I am love.

Presence and the Ego

The ego is that part of you who looks at the world through a fearful lens and convinces you that what you see, think and feel is REALITY! But a negative reality is created by the fearful ego mind and will continue to be created until you gain awareness of it and no longer identify with it. Then a new reality can be born – one that is full of love, abundance and peace.

We can only gain awareness through presence, and the best way to become present is through meditation. The more you become aware of your ego, you no longer need to identify with it. Your ego is reactive because it is fearful. The Ego is a victim – it blames, it criticises, it’s needy, it’s defensive. 
It tries to control life from the outside – other people, situations and outcomes. The ego thinks first and speaks first.

If you begin a regular meditation practice, you’ll begin to acquire a “spaciousness” of mind where you become AWARE of your reactive ego self, and that you don’t need to respond from the ego. Ego reactions only create further drama, fear and chaos. Through meditation, you become aware that there is a much greater you – the True Self. This Self is connected to the Source and thinks, speaks and acts in love. Love is the vibration that will heal your life – and it’s the ONLY vibration that will heal your life

Through meditation, we connect to the Source – “Seek first the kingdom of Heaven” . Our True Self is connected to the Divine Matrix, the All That Is, God, Universe, Source (it’s all one and the same) – we are a part of it and it is a part of us. It is from this space that we can create miracles. So don’t wait any longer. Don’t let your ego mind tell you that you don’t have time to meditate, because nothing could be further from the truth. Start now! 20 minutes a day, preferably in the morning, every day. Do not be concerned if your mind is crazily busy when you first begin to meditate – that is normal. Sit with it, breathe and observe. Don’t meditate haphazardly. Make a regular time each day, set the alarm on your phone for 20 minutes and do it! You will begin to notice the difference in your life sooner than you think.

There are some great mindfulness meditations on the free app Insight Timer. I’ve posted some guided healing meditations on Insight Timer, as well as a talk you may find helpful.


Why do I sabotage myself and how do I stop?

Why do we sabotage ourselves? And how do we stop? The first step is to understand WHY we do it. On the subconscious level, we limit ourselves for any of the following reasons:

  1. we feel fundamentally flawed, unworthy or undeserving
  2. we fear being abandoned or humiliated
  3. we believe success isn’t good or will bring with it problems
  4. we fear outshining others.

Positive energy is forever flowing in the Universe, wanting to flow through us at any given point in time. This is what allows us to grow and become more, and yet it is us who blocks this energy. Who in their right mind would do that? Nobody, because when we self-sabotage, we are not in our right mind. We are in the ego mind.

The ego mind is the disconnected fearful self who is attached to its old stories. If there is nothing to worry about, the ego mind will look for something to become worried about. If things are going right, it will look for what is wrong. The ego mind’s comfort zone is to feel incomplete and anxious.  It is anti-growth, anti-expansion, anti-optimism, anti-infinite possibilities. It likes to focus on the worst possible scenario. Its comfort zone is anything from mediocrity through to full-on catastrophe.

Our True Self, that is connected to the Source, feels whole and complete. If we’re awake, we are in the process of becoming more and more our True Self and  becoming aware of and taming the ego mind. We can’t destroy it, because that very notion comes from the ego. Our True Self accepts everything including the ego! We must accept our ego mind, become aware of our ego mind and then transcend the ego mind – that is to recognise it and go beyond it – by not relating to its fear.

So back to this positive flow of energy and how it wants to come through us and help us ascend into higher and higher versions of ourselves. The ego says NO! The ego likes its comfort zone, it likes its predictable negative patterns, the drama, the negative thoughts and its attachment to worry, lack and feeling victimised. It likes the known, even if the known is involves pain. And it’s a trickster – it will weasel its way into our consciousness in any moment of unawareness. All it needs is an opportunity and it will take over.

Become aware of your story

We all have a victim story which the ego mind feeds off. The old saying “never argue for your limitations” is rubbish to the ego mind. It’s good to become aware of what that victim story is. In fact there will probably be quite a few stories. When we know what they are, we can become aware of when we’re reliving them. If we are not aware of the story, it feels real and it’s much harder to disconnect from it and observe it. It is this story that will show up when we’re sabotaging ourselves.

To the extent that we love ourselves and know ourselves, we will be sabotage-free. We sabotage ourselves primarily because we unconsciously want to stay in our comfort zone – even if that comfort zone is one of lack, failure, worry and misery. It’s a common pattern for most of us that when something positive happens, we sabotage our circumstances so as to bring ourselves back down to our old comfort zone. The ego mind only wants to stay in the known. It cannot bear being in the unknown (which is the field of all possibilities) for long, so it will create a sabotage so that we revert to our old vibration. That is why most lottery winners don’t stay wealthy for long and why overweight people, unless they deal with the issues behind the weight, will revert to their old weight after going on a diet. So here are the most common ways we sabotage ourselves.

Worry and negative thinking – this is by far the most common self-sabotage. We have been programmed over thousands of years to think in terms of the worst possible scenario in order to survive. Worry is usually not a sign that we’re thinking about something useful, and if there is nothing you can do about the issue in the here and now, then it’s a sabotage. Example – I am aware that when things are going well in my life, my mind will look for something to worry about.

Blame or criticism – retards the flow of positive energy. Blame or criticism are addictions and they are very costly addictions. They are the Number One destroyer of intimacy in close relationships but also other relationships such as work. Become aware of feeling the need to blame or criticise others, particularly when a relationship is going well. It’s your ego trying to prevent you going beyond the existing level of love and connection.

Getting hurt – accidents aren’t random. Louise Hay tells us accidents are brought on unconsciously by the person who has the accident, sometimes as an act of self-sabotage. It may be self-punishment or a way of getting out of something.

Getting sick – sickness is created by us. Sometimes we create sickness as a self-sabotage (not always). For example, some people get sick the moment they go on holiday and explain it away by saying “I didn’t have time to get sick before I went away; it’s only when I relax that my body gets sick.” Hello! The ego mind is thinking “Now that I’m away in a beautiful place with time on my hands, I can’t expand too much into joy and positivity.” Workaholics often get sick when they go on holiday because to relax and enjoy themselves is beyond their comfort zone. Another example – most people who get migraines will get them just as they are coming down from pressure and stress. Again, the ego mind is preventing them from expanding into something greater.

Creating conflict – there’s nothing like creating a big argument to stop us from enjoying a golden moment, or getting closer to others, or to deepen a relationship. In fact the conflict can take on a life of its own going forward, ensuring that positive energy is blocked for some time.

Hiding significant feelings/not speaking significant truths  – this is a form of passive conflict and by withholding feelings (positive or negative) from those we care about, or not speaking our truth, we create an energy block because we are out of our integrity.

Not keeping agreements – breaking promises will sabotage any relationship, personal or business,

Deflecting – you will blocck the flow of positive energy by avoiding it all together. How often have you received a compliment and not been able to receive it? This is deflecting positive energy. Many of us deflect significant opportunities for the fear of being out of our comfort zone. 

Money, business and success

We all have a story about money (from our family of origin and past experiences) such as “money doesn’t grow on trees” and about achievement and success. We’ll have a story about our abilities too, and some of these stories may not be true and cause us not to believe in ourselves. They block us from expanding into our full potential. It’s good to examine your beliefs about yourself, your abilities and your right to abundance and success, because you will sabotage yourself with your self-limiting beliefs. We do not believe possible what we haven’t yet experienced.

If we start something new like a new business or want to find a better job, the ego will be on the lookout for any reason to keep us in our old limited way, playing it safe,


If we have any negative relationship patterns (and these usually begin in childhood), we will keep re-creating our old story until we become aware of it. Once we are aware, we can see how our ego-mind will attempt to bring us down to your old wounded self in relationship.

It takes awareness and commitment to aspire to transform into a higher version of ourselves.

How do we address our self-sabotages?

  1. Adopt a kind and playful attitude towards yourself and your shortcomings – remember that we are de-programming from thousands of years of conditioning. We are only just waking up out of a self-limiting trance that has kept us in survival mode. We are now able to see that there are infinite possibilities, but clearing our sabotages is a process. Say to yourself everyday “I commit to discovering my sabotages, and to having a good time while I’m learning about them.”
  2. Commit to being consciously aware and on the lookout for sabotaging behaviours – we may know about it intellectually, but if we get comfortably numb, the ego mind will slip in and take us unawares. This is why I am passionate about learning to be present.
  3. Take a few minutes out each day to reflect upon your day:
  • Reflect upon what felt good and what you achieved
  • Give gratitude for that
  • Reflect upon what didn’t feel so good and where you didn’t achieve
  • Take responsibility for it
  • Ask yourself whether your ego mind tried to limit you in any way today
  • In what way did that play out?
  • Is there a better way you could have handled the situation?
  • Feel into your body and feel and sense where positive energy is attempting to flow through you. Focus on where you feel good in your body.
  • As you sit with yourself, allow yourself to open up to all the love, abundance and joy that wants to flow through you right here, right now.

The more present and aware you become on a daily basis, the more you will be able to bring some spaciousness into the present moment when the sabotage is happening, and to address it in that present moment. See it for what it is – your ego mind trying to keep you at the same old level of consciousness and choose consciously in the moment to respond to circumstances in a way that expands you, not contracts you.

Conscious Presence is the Key

The whole Universe is undergoing a spiritual transformation to something else – a new consciousness. A process of evolution is happening. We are all connected to the one timeless consciousness that is evolving and that is why all of us are being challenged. Every challenge is an opportunity to become present and to grow. If you refuse to change yourself or gain any new understandings, those challenges will become greater and greater until you do transform. Challenges are all about our transformation.

Conscious presence is the opposite of our old way of being, our unconscious self in a hypnotised state ruled by the ego mind. The most important thing for you to learn in this lifetime is presence. Why? Because:

  • In presence, you become aware
  • In presence you create a spaciousness to what is happening around you and within you
  • In presence you realise that you have the power to change your response to situations
  • In presence, you have healing power for yourself and others
  • In presence, you have access to the Superconscious, which gives divine inspiration and holds the answer to every problem
  • In presence, you can expand in love and let go of fear
  • In presence, you have the power to transform yourself, your relationships and your life.

If we’re not present, we’re either dwelling on the past or thinking about the future, which means we are bringing either past or future into now. This cancels out the now!  You can’t be present AND in the past or in the future. The now is all we have. When we’re fully in the now, we have access to all that we need.

Negative Life Patterns

Negative life patterns create our negative reality. We keep re-creating the past because we’re thinking about it or not letting it go. The past is literally trapped in our energy field and re-creating itself over and over again.

I can do forensic healing to look for the traumas, beliefs and thoughts underlying this pattern and bring it to one’s awareness and perform energy work to release it, but the work doesn’t finish there, because the Universe likes to test us until the pattern has dissolved. The only way a person will ever truly heal a negative pattern is through presence and awareness. Without being in the now and being conscious of what is happening right now, and creating space to observe what is happening and choose a different response, the pattern will remain.

Staying present and conscious when an old wound is being triggered isn’t easy. Most of us automatically go unconscious and play out our old way of being, and that’s what keeps the pattern in place. It takes the ability to stay present and aware when we’re being triggered to let go of an old way of being. In presence, we bring a spacious awareness. No significant shift can happen in our life without presence.

A good way to stay present when you’re being triggered is to breathe as soon as you catch yourself in the triggered state. Breathe in and out deeply and say to yourself SPACE – allowing a space between the trigger and the reaction. Then you can choose to RESPOND and not REACT.

Why do we get challenges?

The Universal intelligence builds disruption into everybody’s life to pull us out of our ego mind. When we only have ego identity, we will be pulled into unconsciousness very easily. It is often through loss, illness or anything that diminishes the ego that we awaken into presence. When life is comfortable, there is no need for presence and awareness. Be thankful for being upset. This is your opportunity to practise presence and recognise any mental/emotional resistance. With any disturbance, make it your aim to surrender and choose peace.

It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure –  Joseph Campbell

No matter what is happening, think “nothing disturbs me”. Breathe through it, choose to be serene and to trust.

How can we trust when things feel hopeless?

We must remember that everything that is happening in our lives is happening for a reason, and on a soul level we chose it for our growth and evolution. We cannot transform into something higher without being challenged.

The ego mind feels intrinsically unsafe because it feels alone and disconnected. It feels it has to control, and manage outcomes, but this is not the truth. The truth is that we are divinely looked after if we choose to surrender and trust in the Divine Source. it will carry us to where we need to be, and where we need to go.

We must let go of the life we planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us – Joseph Campbell.

The over-thinking ego mind

The thinking (conceptual) ego mind has taken over and we are over-thinking. For every person who comes to me for healing , their greatest enemy isn’t “out there” – it’s their ego mind. You can be sure that if you have a busy, over-thinking ego mind you will be ungrounded and you’ll probably also suffer from anxiety to some extent. The thinking ego mind creates our misery!

We can access consciousness only through the gaps in our thinking – when we do this regularly, our thinking becomes more inspired because we are regularly reaching into the heart of the Universe. Here are a few ways other than meditation to access consciousness. For 5 minutes a day, practise one or more of the following:

  • Perceiving without thinking (in nature is best)
  • Window meditation – look through a window for 5 minutes and observe what you see without judgment.
  • Listen alertly to all sounds without judgment – you can do this while walking.

You cannot be really alert AND thinking!

Consciousness, Presence and the Now

You are the now, the I AM and the timeless consciousness because we are all part of the One. In our old state of consciousness we are never fully here, we are waiting for the next thing.

We are told in the Bible “Be still and know that I am God”. When Jesus said “the Kingdom of Heaven is within you” – he was referring to this still place of presence. He also said that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we must be like little children. Little children are present, simple and uncomplicated. They’re not doing to-do lists, and rushing around saying “I’ve got so much to do” and complicating their own lives. If we live from that consciousness of little children, all else will follow.

When we are connected to that still space within us, we can interact with the movie show we call life, but not get entangled in it. It then becomes more enjoyable and every place we are is ideal. Rest in stillness within while moving/doing – that is the art of living. The scenery is moving but you are not moving inside. That still place inside you is the retreat. You are the eye of the storm, the centre of the wheel.

When we are rooted in our being, we have an absence of fear which naturally creates FAITH AND TRUST. We trust in life (which is the antithesis of fear, worry and anxiety). We don’t need to trust another human being because we trust in the process of life.

Be still. Listen. Listen to what the Universe wants you to do.


The Value of Self-love

Self-love is central to an empowered life. How often have you sat with yourself, felt into your heart and said –

I love you. I am listening.

How different would we feel about ourselves if we did this for 5 minutes every day? We were never taught to practise self-love, but I highly recommend you bring this into your meditation practice.

The Buddhist practice of Maitri is the practice of unconditional love and compassion towards self. Now, more than any other time in history, we need to be practising self-compassion, because as we wake up, as we become more conscious, we may find ourselves being judgemental of our not-so-perfect self.

As women, we are usually pretty good at giving love and encouragement to others, but we overlook ourselves. We’re very good at being willing to overlook or forgive other people’s shortcomings, but how often do we do this for ourselves? Everyone of us in this room tonight will be somewhere along the path to fully loving ourselves. We may say on a logical level that we love and value ourselves, we may know what we probably need to do to love and value ourselves more, and yet that self-critical, self-judging voice can still prevail in our heads, telling us that we should be achieving more, should be this or that. Our inner critic takes up where our critical parents left off.

When we first begin to wake up and become more aware of how we are thinking and feeling about ourselves, we can make it even worse by thinking “I’m a spiritual being. I shouldn’t be talking to myself in this way. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about myself”. And so shame is piled upon the original shame.

The key to truly loving yourself is accepting EVERYTHING that you think and feel, and choosing to love yourself unconditionally even if you know you are thinking something unloving or feeling unworthy.

Even though I feel like a failure, I love and approve of myself completely and uncondtionally.

Even though I’m being harsh and critical towards myself,  I love and approve of myself completely and unconditionally.

Even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way, I love and approve of myself completely and unconditionally.

Love and acceptance are always the first step in healing. I say in A Shift to Bliss that the paradox to loving yourself is this:

We must be willing to grow and expand and to become more, and at the same time know in this very moment we are enough.

So this brings me to the Shadow Self. Your shadow is all the unclaimed, denied, repressed parts of you that you hide or are in denial of, because you were made to feel ashamed of them when you were growing up. Certain shadow parts have been programmed into you since birth, because we inherit our parents’ repression imprints. What your parents repressed, you will unconsciously repress until you wake up and become conscious. Most of us have learned that as women, it’s uncool to be angry or to have a high sex drive.

We all have an inner bitch, a greedy child, a selfish person, a needy person, a slut, an angry person, a loner, and many other archetypes living within us. If we want to become whole, we need to pull these parts of ourselves out of the dark, dusty attic and bring them into the light, and not only this, we need to LOVE AND ACCEPT THEM! Because every part of us is here for a purpose. When we own these parts of self and integrate these parts of ourselves, we become whole, we heal because we have accepted ourselves fully. We can then use these parts of self for positive purposes. This is true transformation.

  • The bitch then becomes our protector.
  • The greedy child makes sure we have our share
  • The selfish person ensures we get time for self-care
  • The needy child transforms into the connector
  • The slut becomes the sensual Goddess
  • The angry person becomes the assertive person
  • The loner connects us with our Source through time out alone and meditation.

If we don’t own these parts of self, we continue to carry shame, which is a feeling and a belief that we are intrinsically wrong and lacking, and shame gets us nowhere

I was listening to a lady who channels angels. She said “You have no idea just how magnificent every human being is. That is how the Angels see us”. That is what we are here to become. Magnificent.

Our ego mind tricks us into thinking that we cannot be magnificent with all our human faults. The True Self knows we are already magnificent, we just don’t know it because of all the layers of human conditioning and wounding that hides it from us. Know that you are already magnificent! The ego mind will trick us into thinking that “once I get rid of my faults, I will be magnificent”. Forget it! The ego thinks that through forcefully denying, repressing and pushing the shadow away we will become magnificent, when the opposite is true. Through accepting and loving and integrating every so-called faulty part of ourselves, we will know our magnificence.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. No matter what you have done, what you have thought, what mistakes you have made, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Every experience teaches us something. Let go of shame. Shame can show  itself in the following ways:

  • Self blame and self criticism
  • Self-loathing
  • Poor body image
  • A poor relationship with food or other substances
  • Addictions
  • Co-dependence
  • Berating ourselves if we’re not achieving or if things go wrong
  • Undervaluing ourselves
  • Putting on a false mask to the outside world
  • The need to appear perfect
  • Justifying ourselves
  • The need to please others at cost to self
  • Putting up with poor treatment
  • The need to gain love and approval from the the outside (because there’s not enough inside of us).

As women, we have been conditioned to be martyrs – putting everyone before ourselves. It no longer works. All it creates is resentment of self and others. Of course there are times when we must sacrifice our own needs for others, but these are times of emergency, not a life pattern, a way of being.

Every person who comes into your life is a mirror of something you believe about yourself. That’s what relationships are about. They’re a mirror. They are always about you. The ego wants to make a relationship problem about the other person, but if we choose to see things consciously, we realise they are in our lives to reflect back to us something we must heal in ourselves. Your partner isn’t here to make you happy; they’re here to make you conscious. And so is everybody else! And no matter what we are experiencing, we must learn to meet ourselves with compassion, mercy, grace.

Self-love and self-worth go hand-in-hand. If we genuinely love ourselves, we want what is best for ourselves. We intrinsically know that we are worthy. Our parents didn’t teach us this because they weren’t taught this. We are probably the first generation to become aware of the value of self-love and self-worth.

The truth is that we are perfect the way we are, always have been and always will be.  Of course, as spiritual beings living a human life, we will appear as less than perfect; but from a spiritual point of view, our perfection lies in our very imperfection.  Without our seeming imperfections, the game of life would not function. We are living our destiny exactly as was agreed before our incarnation, which means we are just as worthy of God’s Love and, therefore, our own Love, as is anyone else. Self-love creates self-worth, and self-worth creates self-love.

But here’s another way to practice developing love for yourself— love others as enthusiastically as you can.  It is often said that you cannot love others if you haven’t first found love for yourself. I disagree. When you focus on giving love to others, it is impossible not to feel good about yourself.  It is heart-warming to give love and the love gets mirrored back to you. If you turn only inwards to find love for yourself, you meet up with all the characters that live in your head who feel it is their duty to deny you love. Start by seeing the perfection in everyone around you, and let that perfection shine the light on your own unique perfection.  Love can only produce Love. Whenever we are loving someone, or something, we are always loving ourselves


Here are some practical ways to align with loving yourself and valuing yourself:

  • Meditate
  • Say to yourself in the mirror every day “I love you and you are valuable.”
  • Affirmations 
  • Make time just for you to do things you enjoy.
  • Give love to others (but put yourself first).
  • If you’re feeling hurt or negative in any way,say “Even though I feel _______________ I love and approve of myself completely and unconditionally.”
  • Commit to loving yourself no matter what!


The Importance of Acceptance & Forgiveness

Acceptance and forgiveness are essential if we want to create a happy and fulfilling life. While acceptance is forgiving every moment that doesn’t go our way, forgiving someone is accepting what has happened. It doesn’t mean that we are condoning what was done. It means that we consciously choose let go of any feelings of resentment, anger and blame and move on.

Embedded into EVERY life will be challenges and opportunities to practise both acceptance and forgiveness, because we are here to evolve, and we evolve through challenge.

Acceptance is accepting everything that happens to you as given to you by God, the good stuff and the bad stuff. When we accept, we come into alignment with the present moment, as opposed to be in resistance to it. The most common way we resist the present moment is when we say or feel “Why me?” “This isn’t fair” or “This shouldn’t be happening”. That’s the ego mind. Accept that life is a series of challenges as well as wonderful experiences and miracles, because I can guarantee you that you will experience times of both.

When you’re in acceptance,  you can see any unsavoury circumstances as –

  • an opportunity to address the resistance within you
  • an awareness opportunity
  • an opportunity to feel whatever comes up
  • an opportunity to let go of catastrophising (ego mind) and embrace creative thinking instead
  • an opportunity to address the fear within you
  • an opportunity to practise presence, non-judgment
  • an opportunity to  surrender to a much bigger picture that is really going on in your life.

In his poem “If”, Rudyard Kipling tells us “If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same”. He is referring to our ego mind’s judgement of things being either good or bad – when in fact they may not be. I can honestly say that it hasn’t been all the fun times that expanded my consciousness and empowered me; it has been the painful challenges, and learning acceptance and forgiveness that have brought me to a place of mostly inner peace and neutrality no matter what is going on in my life. 

The philospher and spiritual teacher Ram Dass said “Despair is the necessary prerequisite to the next degree of consciousness.” If you’re experiencing a lot of challenges, accept it, knowing that there is a far bigger picture going on and that you are getting an upgrade in consciousness!

Forgiveness is letting go of all toxic emotions and feelings of revenge towards someone else or yourself, so that you can move forward with your life. Forgiveness can heal even the most grievous offence; and It brings a blessed opportunity for a clean start. If someone has really hurt you, it doesn’t mean you necessarily allow them to stay in your life, but unless you forgive them, they and the wound will energetically draw to you similar experiences.

Be willing to forgive all members of your family of origin and/or anyone who wounded you in childhood, otherwise you will carry those wounds into future relationships. If you’ve been the victim of abuse this isn’t easy, but you can begin the process by saying “I am willing to forgive you”. Willingness is the key. The Universe will help things along from there. If you are judging and critical of any of your family of origin, beware, it will play out somewhere in your life going forward.

Some things that have helped me to forgive have been:

Don’t take anything personally – in his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz tells us that those who have hurt us would probably hurt others just the same, for that is who they are and how they operate, so there is no need to take their treatment of us as personal.

All that isn’t love isn’t real – in a Course in Miracles, we are told to ignore or let go of anything that isn’t love because it isn’t real.

Stay conscious – know that every person who upsets you is here to show you a wound you need to heal in yourself.

Forgiveness frees up karma – yours and the perpetrator’s. When we let go of anger, hurt and resentment, we free up the Universal energy for divine karma to take place for all concerned.

Self-forgiveness is an important part of forgiving someone else. We’ve got to forgive ourselves for judging the other person and not forgiving them, as well as forgive ourselves for past mistakes. If we don’t forgive ourselves for past mistakes or for having faults, the emotions of shame and guilt will unconsciously sabotage our lives. Self-forgiveness moves us forward, ready to do things differently, with compassion for ourselves and faith that we can change.

Forgiveness opens the door of hope. Robert H. Goddard told us:

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these.

Practising acceptance and forgiveness will create a beauty and a peace in your life that cannot be known unless it is embraced.

Why isn’t the Law of Attraction working for me?

Most of us are familiar with the Law of Attraction which is the concept that “like attracts like”. The more you think about something, you draw it to you. The more you visualise something or talk about it, you draw it to you. This is a metaphysical law. We can implement this law by many means:
• writing an intention for ourselves
• creating a vision board
• saying affirmations to affirm the vision
• using our imagination to envisage what we want.

Not feeling your vision – the key to the law of attraction is not just thinking, speaking, writing or imagining but FEELING. Feeling is the key. The feeling creates a vibration, so if you imagine something until you are in the feeling place of it, you will draw it to you much more quickly than if you just think and talk about it. You’ve got to be as if you already have it.

Not detaching – if you stay attached to your vision or goal, you’re not letting go and allowing the Universe to do its work. Hold your desire lightly in the palm of your hand; don’t become obsessed with the destination. Get on with life and what needs to be done now, and do it to the best of your ability.

Impatience – the Law of Attraction takes time, and we must allow time for the Universe to orchestrate our desire, and surrender to divine timing, not our ego’s timing.

Wanting – The Buddhists tell us that “wanting” creates suffering. It’s true. There’s a difference between intention and wanting. Intention feels optimistic, patient and trusting. Wanting is based on lack and the thought “I can’t be happy until I have what I want”. Practising gratitude is the perfect antidote to wanting. By appreciating what you already have, you feel abundant, and not lacking.

Allowing your ego mind to rule – the ego tries to work things out in a practical, linear way which is limited. It forces, it controls, it pushes and it tries too hard. This is all opposite to the Law of Attraction! The ego mind will create sabotaging thoughts that tell you you’re not doing enough and it will create worry and anxiety and internal misery. The ego mind doesn’t TRUST! To get your ego mind under control, try a regular mindfulness meditation practice.

Not trusting – if we’re not trusting, then we are disconnecting from the Universe. The Law of Attraction requires us to trust. It’s a two way street with the Universe. We trust; it delivers. We don’t trust, it doesn’t deliver. Say to yourself every day “The Universe has my back, and wants for me what I want” and “That which I seek is also seeking me”.

Low Self-Worth – if you feel deep down you’re not worthy or deserving of something, you won’t ever be able to receive it. Make self-love and self-worth a high priority! Look at yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself “I love you” and “I am worthy and deserving of (name your desire) “

Lack of gratitude – whatever we are grateful for will expand in our lives. Gratitude is one of the most powerful vibrations there is. The more we give thanks, the more we are sent to give thanks for. If we have no gratitude, then we will be in the vibration of lack and We CANNOT create from that vibration. Write in a gratitude journal daily and list at least five things you are grateful for; they don’t have to be big things, or make a list in your mind every day of all that you are grateful for. The Law of Attraction will only work for us when we appreciate.

Envy – envy is a toxic emotion based on lack. The Law of Attraction is blocked by toxic emotions. If someone you know has something you want, they are here to show you that you can create this too. It wouldn’t come into your field otherwise. If you find yourself feeling envious, acknowledge the emotion and then consciously wish the other person well. Think and say “I am so happy for you!” and mean it. Remind yourself that this person has come into your life to inspire you and show you that you can have this too. From this place, you will draw your dream to you. What you wish for yourself, also wish for others.

Lack of forgiveness – not forgiving yourself or others will make it difficult for the law of attraction to work in your life. Hurt, anger and resentment are toxic emotions which create a low vibration that stops the good from coming to you If there is anyone you need to forgive, start the process today by saying “I am willing to forgive (name the person)” and send them love and light. Do this for yourself too. Forgiveness is a process, so be patient and compassionate with yourself.

Conditioning from our parents and society that create self-limiting beliefs –the truth is that we are all pure potential, and we ALL have some self-limiting beliefs about abundance, money, love and our own abilities in general. Every challenge you experience is in your life to challenge a self-limiting belief. Sometimes we cannot see our own self-limiting beliefs. I recommend reading my book A Shift to Bliss – The 7 Beliefs that Limit Love, Happiness, Peace and Prosperity – it will shine a light on any self-limiting beliefs you may have.

Old wounds and past traumas that create fear and self-limiting beliefs – if you know you are holding old wounds or traumas that are still causing you emotional pain, this will be putting the brakes on the Law of Attraction, so seek healing with a healing professional and free yourself. It is the best investment you can make.

Not being present –the ego mind focuses on the past and worries about the future. This drains the present moment and the present moment is all there is! We’ve got to be present to see the signs and synchronicities and seize the opportunities. Every present moment is laden with opportunities. Even though we have an intention for the future, we must be fully in the now. That way we enjoy the journey on the way to our destination. Mindfulness meditation is a powerful way to become present, and work with the Law of Attraction.

Getting disheartened by challenges – some people have the misguided belief that the Law of Attraction creates a path of simplicity and ease, but the truth is that you WILL be challenged on the way to getting what you want. EXPECT challenges – life is a series of them – but see them as an opportunity for growth. Find a way through them or around them. Let go of frustration, accept the challenge and ask yourself “What am I meant to learn from this challenge?” When you get the lesson and resolve it, you won’t be faced with that challenge again, and you move closer towards what you want.

While seeing a life coach, counsellor or other healing professional is always a good move, iA Shift to Blissf you really want something, don’t give up! Henry Ford told us “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. Decide now that you CAN and you WILL. Visualise regularly having the thing you want until you are in the feeling place of it and give thanks in advance to the Universe for creating it for you. Most importantly, choose to be peaceful and grateful now, no matter what your life looks like. Happiness isn’t conditional; it’s a choice. Stop obsessing about the destination, get present, do your best each and every day and enjoy the journey until you get there.

Surrender and trust!

Beware the temptation of ego-initiated plans! Our ego is the part of us that is disconnected from the Source. The ego mind wants to be separate, cut off from the collaborative matrix. It says “I can make it happen!” And the ego pushes, controls, manipulates and tries to force things – and yet this very way of being will block things from happening instead of allowing them to happen! The ego operates always from the vibration of fear.

By contrast, our True Self, connected to the Divine Matrix/The Source/God or whatever we want to call it, knows that there is a far greater plan for us than our ego could ever imagine and when we trust in that, we allow miracles to happen.

We must learn to trust and surrender – when we do this, we feel peaceful and allow natural intelligence to run through us. Look at an embryo and how it grows; look at nature grow. Look at water flow. Nature works on the Law of Least Resistance. Grass doesn’t try to grow; it just grows! Water doesn’t try to flow; it just flows.
How can we flow like that? Through the state of surrender! The state of surrender is letting go of any attachment to an outcome. When we are in a state of surrender, there is no sense of pushing for any particular outcome, no sense of forcing or striving or controlling or manipulating.

The state of surrender is a state of being that requires us to be in touch with our Higher Self, which knows that we are always looked after and that the Universe is a loving place; it has our back and only wants what is best for us if we just let it. By contrast, the ego mind thinks we are all alone and we have to battle through life.

The Universe is a self-organised, self-correcting organism, and we are part of that organism. We can equate the ego mind to cancer in the body. The ego mind wants to be separate, cut off from the collaborative matrix, just like malignant cells. Beware the temptation of ego-initiated plans! You are part of the whole; you are not separate. You must work with the collaborative matrix, not separately from it. How do we know the difference?

Choices made from the True Self will be based on a sense of divine inspiration and love and will be for our highest good and the highest good of all. Choices made out of ego will usually have an attachment to an outcome that the ego wants, and the intention behind them will be based on fear or a sense that we are somehow not enough. Think Inspiration not Ambition!

Just as there are no neutral thoughts – they are either loving or fearful, there are no neutral choices. Loving choices align you with the Divine Matrix and create miracles. Fearful choices will never create fulfilling outcomes, and they usually create more worry and anxiety. We must continually ask ourselves “Am I making a choice out of love or fear?”

When we surrender, we feel peaceful. The feeling of inner peace creates the correct vibration to put us into the Universal Flow. Inner peace is the fertile soil in which our hopes and dreams can grow, and the process will be enjoyable!

Inner peace doesn’t mean getting stuck in a comfort zone. We can have a vision and work towards it. We can create positive change for ourselves. It’s healthy to go beyond our comfort zone sometimes. But think “Stretch” not “Struggle”. So let’s talk about the most common areas in life where we struggle or battle, because wherever we are in struggle, we are disconnected from our Source.

TIME – How often are you fighting time? Most of us haven’t realised that we can work with time. Quantum physicists are now confirming what Albert Einstein told us – that time is elastic! It’s not this set plane that we think it is. It actually expands and contracts according to our vibration! Have you ever had a day where you’re feeling really inspired and happy and you achieve a lot within a given amount of time, and other days you struggle to get anything done? Your vibration is affecting time!

How often do you tell yourself you don’t have enough time? Start telling yourself “I have all the time I need”, because in truth, you do. “The butterfly has but moments, yet still has time enough”.

How do you stop fighting time? Inner peace! And we can achieve inner peace through loving thought.

• What I cannot get done today I will do tomorrow.
• If I cannot meet this deadline, it wasn’t meant to be.
• If I get the sack, then it means the Universe doesn’t want me to be in this job; there’s something better.
• If I don’t have a job tomorrow, the Universe will look after me.

Notice how the thoughts are all about SURRENDER? And they are optimistic, loving thoughts.

MONEY – the struggle vibration is very common when it comes to money. Most of us believe there’s never enough of it, and so we create that reality. When we are in the Universal Flow, however, money will flow to us as and when we need it. Start believing this and you will see it happen! Money comes from the Source; it doesn’t come from your job, your partner, your investments. They are just the current channels through which money comes. Money is a currency – it has to flow. If you want to attract more money, go and spend some money! I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but you are telling the Universe “I trust you”.

We have all been conditioned to believe that we have to work hard or struggle to get money, and that we must be frugal with it because we never know when it’s going to stop coming. This isn’t true. Programmed into you when you were born here on Earth is the knowledge that you will always be provided for, but we’ve lost this knowledge through conditioning. We’ve got to start believing it again.

• I surrender all my worries about not having enough money to the Universe.
• The Universe has my back and I’m always looked after.
• If one channel of abundance dries up, another one opens up for me! If not 2, 3, 4 …
• I am open to ALL the channels of abundance.

Again, these are loving, optimistic thoughts that create a vibration of inner peace. This is the fertile soil that creates miracles.

RELATIONSHIPS – relationships don’t flow when love doesn’t flow. The people you have difficult relationships with are here to teach you unconditional love. Ask yourself “What is it in me that is stopping me from loving this person?” It may be hurt and resentment, or criticism or judgment, or all of them. Surrender and let go of all hurt and resentment – they will block the good from coming into your life. Forgive, or at least be willing to forgive. This is the most important part of healing yourself.

Start noticing where you are holding blame, judgements and criticism towards others. Everybody is faulty, including ourselves, but that doesn’t mean they’re unlovable. Energy is circular – it all returns to us. What we give out, we get back. Give out love, you’ll get it back. Give out anything that is not love – and you’ll get it back too.

Beware of power games! It’s very easy to fall into one if you’re dealing with someone who’s into power and control. Don’t play them at their own game. Where there is power and control, there is no love. Be the higher person. Be humble. The meek shall inherit the earth! This doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can create boundaries, but also give and send love. You will be rewarded when you stay humble.

The Universe loves you unconditionally and you are here to learn to love unconditionally. When you make this your intention, you will begin to see miracles happen in your relationships. It may not be immediately, but you will get the rewards.

• I surrender all that is not love.
• Even though I am finding it difficult to love this person, I send them the Universe’s love.
• Even though I am finding it difficult to forgive this person, I am willing to start the process.
• I fill all of my relationships with love.

HEALTH – The Universal Flow is within you – known as Qi, the life-force energy. Qi is weakened by a lack of self-love and self-approval and by toxic emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt or shame. A lack of self-forgiveness or forgiveness of others is the greatest metaphysical cause of disease.

Louise Hay tells us that cancer‘s cause is emotional – long-standing resentments, a deep secret or grief eating away at us or a lack of forgiveness. Hatred, towards self of others, blocks the Qi. Love allows it to flow.

For any illness to heal, the first step is to accept and love the illness. How often do you hear of people FIGHTING cancer or any other illness? This weakens the Qi even more. Fight nothing! Surrender.

• I surrender this illness/condition
• I accept this condition/illness and I send it love.
• I release within me everything that is not love.
• I choose to love myself and my body.
• I allow Qi energy to flow freely within me.


Success, for many, is a concept that is dictated to us from the outside. To be successful we are supposed to earn a certain amount of money, own certain things, look a certain way, drive a certain car. The concept of climbing the ladder is a pushy energy. Too often it’s being suggested to women that we need to be more like men in order to get ahead. This is why a lot of us are feeling the need to escape the world of organisations. It’s not akin to flow.

There is a divine blueprint encoded into each of us – that is each of us living the lives we are divinely meant to live this lifetime and reaching our full potential in all the areas I’ve been talking about. In your divine blueprint, you will be doing work that you love where you make a positive difference in the world. When you start on the path towards this blueprint, you will find that everything starts to fall into place. All that you need will be made available.

A lot of people say to me “I’m trying to find my purpose. How do I find my purpose? I tell them, “You don’t need to go searching. Purpose finds you!” And it finds you when you are in a state of inner peace and surrender. This allows the Universe to do its work and show you!

• JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter as a struggling single mother while her son was at school
• Dimitri Mendeleev created the table of elements from a dream
• AA Milne came up with Winnie the Pooh when his wife had temporarily left him and the nanny was on leave, and he was left alone to look after his son Christopher Robin.

All these people created their own personal success with what they had at the time. Life will show you, and in the meantime, live your life purposefully.

• Meditate each morning
• Slow down – go at nature’s pace
• Think loving thoughts
• Stay humble – don’t fall into power games
• Let go of anger, resentment, blame and judgement
• If you need to forgive yourself or others, start the process
• Learn to say no – don’t take on anything that doesn’t feel right or stresses you out
• Say this Daily Prayer:

Thank You that today may flow with divine synchronicity, grace and ease.
It works!

Why Change is Good for You!

Most of us desire change, as long as it is the change we want. Change that gets inflicted upon us isn’t usually that kind of change, and yet it is ultimately taking us to a better place if we surrender to it. Change is inevitable, whether we choose it or not. If we deny change, we will still have to face it. If we align ourselves with it, we can embrace and enjoy the process of change.

Many of us fear change, believing “it’s not safe to change” BUT staying the same will become unbearable. We are here to transform and to grow. If we don’t embrace change, pain and dissatisfaction will build up in our life until we reach a tipping point and are forced to surrender and change (otherwise known as a crisis). Whatever we resist, persists. The change you are trying to avoid won’t leave you alone!

Every challenge we encounter is pushing us to transform in some way – it could be we need to transform a belief, an attitude, a way of thinking or being. It could be that we are being pushed to move house, find a better job, find our purpose, leave a relationship that’s run its course or find a new hobby or passion.

Very often we won’t know what it is because we’re too “in it” to see, and this is where meditation can help because we gain more detachment and clarity.

The ego mind loves its comfort zone. It loves certainty and it loves the known, and if we’re not mindful of this, we can get stuck in the ever-repeating known. It may feel comfortable but it can also become dead-boring! And it actually doesn’t stay that comfortable!

Most of us like our routines – they give us a sense of safety and predictability. This is a very human thing – babies and children thrive on routine! And there is nothing wrong with routine, as long as we balance it with some risk – being willing to step out onto the edge sometimes.
The risks I’m talking about are the soul yearnings that we all have – the want to explore, to be creative, to feel joy and to express ourselves and perhaps find parts of ourselves that we haven’t yet found.

To a certain extent, most of us are living our lives like goldfish in bowls, unaware that there is an ocean to swim in. That ocean is the field of all possibilities. We don’t believe possible what we have not yet experienced. Meditation brings us into the field of all possibilities. If you begin a regular meditation practice, be ready to receive inspiring ideas and intuitive leads, and for divine synchronicity to enter your life.
Why do we fear change? Change can involve loss – and many of us fear loss, but there is no way that anything new can come into our lives unless we let go of the old. This is the Universal Flow. If we cling to the old, we create stagnant energy. When we learn to let go gracefully, we find that the Universe abhors a vacuum – it will always be replaced by something new and better for us.

Many of us fear what other people think but I love the saying “What other people think of you is none of your business”. You may be surprised just how much you are holding yourself back unconsciously through fear of what other people think. When you worry about what other people think of you, you lose a lot of energy. If you have a fear of judgment, you will attract judgment! And you’ll probably also be quite judgmental yourself. Let go of judgment and it will let go of you.

So we fear the consequences of change –we may experience loss, we could be judged, we may risk feeling out of our comfort zone or be the new kid on the block, but with any change we must ask ourselves “what is the worst that can happen?” This way we face our worst fears head on. If the answer to that question truly is unacceptable to you, then don’t make the change, HOWEVER also be mindful that our ego mind loves to catastrophise, and most of what we worry about rarely comes to pass.

In fact when we make change for our highest good, guided by our own intuition, we are ultimately rewarded. It may not be immediate, but the rewards will come.

If change freaks you out, take baby steps rather than big leaps. If there is something you want to change in your life, break it up into steps. Lao Tzu told us that the “journey of 1000 miles begins with one step”.

Change requires faith and trust that the Universe is on your side, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes! Sometimes we are pushed to change in profound ways and it feels uncomfortable and even scary, but ultimately we are being taken to a better place.

Change takes courage. Anais Nin told us “life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage”. Courage doesn’t mean we are fearless; it means we acknowledge our fear and move forward in spite of it. And an interesting thing happens when we face fear. When we look into the roaring lion’s mouth, all that we feared falls away. It takes courage to forge your own path, to make choices that are true to you and no one else, but this is the only true path to bliss.

Are you in love or fear?

There is no point in doing anything unless we do it with love! We are only ever in one of two vibrations – love or fear. Vibration is a feeling. Love is the feeling of inner peace or any other feeling that feels good – excitement, inspiration, joy, wonder – and many more. Fear is the feeling of fear or any other feeling that doesn’t feel good – anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, jealousy, disheartenment, loneliness, hopelessness – the list goes on.
We can only begin to change our vibration through becoming conscious. This is why I am an advocate for meditation, because it is a fast track to becoming conscious, present and self-aware.
Many of us choose the path of awareness because we have had enough of suffering. That is how we all wake up – through suffering. And here’s the interesting thing. The ego will create the necessary suffering so as to be transcended. That is what is happening on earth right now.
Feelings come from thoughts, and there are no neutral thoughts – they are either loving or fearful. Loving thought creates miracles. When we become aware, we can ask ourselves in any given moment “Am I choosing the loving thought or the fearful thought?”
By practising self-observation, we gain self-knowledge. In any difficult situation, ask yourself “What do I believe about this situation?” or “What do I believe about this person?” If you’re in judgement, you are blocking love. We can only change our vibration from fear to love through a state of awareness.
Most of us are waking up – and falling back to sleep, waking up and falling back to sleep. This is the process of awakening. Eventually we become more awake than asleep. Life will not leave you alone! Challenges will continue so that you evolve. The challenges that tip you into the vibration of fear are your spiritual path and your practice. It takes awareness to notice your vibration when you’ve been triggered into fear. That is when it is the hardest to stay aware.
The present challenge you face is inevitable. You can come into alignment with any present moment through acceptance. When we experience challenges, we can ask ourselves, what is this an opportunity for? Is it forgiveness and practising unconditional love? Is it letting go of an old wound? Is it letting go of your usual reactive response?
The more we act out of fear, and not love, the more negative karma we create for ourselves. At a seminar last year, Jack Kornfield shared what he thinks is the secret to life. “To act well without attachment to outcomes. Focus on the value, rightness and truth of your actions.” All good will return to you. You only ever get to keep what you give away. Give out love, it will return to you. Give out fear, it will return to you. This is about taking 100% responsibility for your life. Let go of blame, let go of the story.
Eckhart Tolle told us “the world is not here to make you happy (nor your partner, your work, your house etc.). This world is here to make you conscious! In relationships, remember “this person is not here to make me happy; they are here to make me conscious”. When you do this, you become happy!”
The Philosopher Descartes said “Hell is other people” but hell is actually our own mind that judges! This is why meditation and practising presence is so important. You become a better thinker if you let go of thinking! You begin to see things as they really are – the What Is, not the ego mind’s interpretation of it.
Now for the good news. When you deepen into awareness, life knows you don’t need to experience challenges in order to wake up and challenges and difficulties begin to fall away.
So what is love? And how do we stay in the vibration of love?
If you experience difficulties, practise acceptance – lose the narrative, lose any sense of diminishment or victimisation and keep in the present moment, because it’s all an illusion. When you do this, the scales rebalance. Acceptance is LOVE.
Many of us live in a continuous state of unease which becomes our normality. You can only be at ease in the here and how. We become uneasy when we are focused on past or future. You miss your entire life by not being in the present moment! Full presence is LOVE.
When meditating, become a loving field of awareness. Be whatever comes up. Sit with bored, lonely, anxious, wishing, hating, thinking, frightened – feel it, name it and no matter how it feels, choose to love it. Attention is LOVE. Give caring attention to your feelings. Meditation is expanding your capacity of loving awareness and presence. No matter what the circumstances of life, keep your heart on compassion.
Compassion is not pity and self-compassion is not self-pity. Pity is not a healing vibration. Compassion, on the other hand, is empathy and understanding and at the same time seeing ourselves and others as empowered beings who have the ability to reach our full potential. Compassion and self-compassion is LOVE.
We are not here to perfect ourselves or our lives; we are here to perfect our love!
The most important person to love is yourself. This means being kind to yourself and treating yourself the way you would treat a dear friend.
So as to love fully, we must forgive, and the most important people to forgive are those whom we find the hardest to forgive – a difficult parent, an abuser, those who denied us our good. When we forgive these key people, a whole lot of energy is restored to us, which invites in more love and more miracles. On the other hand, whomever you haven’t forgiven will keep showing up in your life in different forms. Unless you deal with it, you will meet it in another person! Your neighbour is yourself. You are your neighbour.
It is also important to forgive ourselves. Every mistake you have made in your life was inevitable, with the knowledge and level of evolution you were at, at that time. The learning and knowledge you gain from a mistake is extremely important, and needs to be acknowledged. When we acknowledge the lesson, we receive divine compensation from the Universe. Forgiveness and self-forgiveness is LOVE.
Gratitude is another important element of love. Gratitude is not necessarily saying “Thank You” (that’s just good manners!). It is the joy that springs up in your heart. Gratitude is doing something with the opportunity that every moment gives us. Every moment is an opportunity to enjoy. Gratitude is LOVE.
In difficult relationships or situations, it can be a struggle to keep your heart open. If you want to communicate with a person with whom you have difficulty, imagine a cord that connects your heart to their heart, and consciously will your heart to stay open. You will be surprised by the difference this makes. Courage and hope equal LOVE.
Add prayer to your meditation. Meditation is listening, prayer is speaking. Every time we meditate, we strengthen our connection to the Divine. Every time we pray we do the same. Like meditation, we’re better off praying little and often than doing it occasionally for longer. Some people feel guilty asking The Source for what they want. The Bible says “Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven” – meaning whatever you want, ask the Divine Source for it. In prayer we can give gratitude but we can also ask for what we want. However, once we ask, we must trust that the Source knows exactly how to fix the problem or provide the desire. We must let go of the how and our need to control. Trust is love!
Some interesting studies have been done on prayer. They found that when we pray for another, that person’s life improves. However, they also found that the life of the person doing the praying improved even more! What you give out returns to you. The Kabbala says it actually returns 10 times! I’m sure you’d agree that this is even more reason to act well without attachment to outcomes.

Believing there is not enough

Our physical world is skewed towards the negative and the concept of lack. We have been conditioned to think in terms of “not enough”. The ego mind believes there will never be enough and this concept of lack can invade every area of our life. How often have you thought:
• I don’t have enough time
• I don’t have enough money
• I don’t have enough things
• He or she doesn’t understand me enough
• He doesn’t love me enough
• No matter how much I do, it’s never enough
• I’m not pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough, slim enough, fit enough.

Every time we think and say anything like this, it’s an affirmation, reinforcing in our subconscious mind the very belief that creates our lack!

The ego mind is conditioned to focus on lack and fear. If we are going to change our old conditioning it takes effort. It takes awareness to notice when we are going into thoughts of lack, because these thoughts are our “second nature”. They can feel real but they’re only thoughts. When we are “fused to” these thoughts, as opposed to “aware of” these thoughts, they create a prism through which we see the world, and lack becomes our reality. Whatever we believe, we create!

Believing there is not enough and there may not be enough in the future creates constant anxiety – not trusting that it’s all going to be ok. But the truth is that there is always enough of everything if we choose to begin believing it.
We CANNOT create abundance if our vibration is “lack”. In the Bible, Matthew says:

“For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance. And from the one who has not, even that will be taken away.”

Beliefs and thoughts create feelings. If we FEEL abundant, we create abundance. If we FEEL poor, we remain poor.

There’s a lot of books out there about creating abundance, but many of us want to go from “lack” to creating the “Big Dream” and wonder why this is not working out. It’s not working out because we are missing an important in-between step, and that step is learning to be in the vibration of “enough”.

How do we do this? We can start by saying “I already have enough and I am so grateful”. The vibration of “enough” is a very peaceful place to be. Once you get there, you may not want to go any further, because you will feel a sense of inner peace, harmony and balance. The vibration of “enough” is a feeling, like all vibrations. When you’re in it, you feel whole and complete. You no longer feel anxious. Here are a few simple steps to get you into the vibration of enough:

1.When you wake up in the morning, say to yourself “I choose to see everything that happens today and everything I receive today and everything I do today as enough. The time I have today is enough.” Ask that your day flows with grace and with ease, and then surrender your day to the Universe, knowing that WHATEVER HAPPENS is in your highest good, and it’s all enough – even the challenges.

2.Practise gratitude on a daily basis, preferably in the morning so that the vibration stays with you all day. This is a very powerful way of getting out of lack. The more you appreciate about your life, the more you’ll be sent to appreciate. You’ve got to FEEL gratitude, not just say it.

3.Whatever you feel is missing in your life, you must find, in however small a portion it exists in your life right now (and there will be at least a small portion) to give thanks for. For example, if you want more love in your life, give thanks for whoever does give you love right now. If you want more money, give thanks for whatever you have right now.

4.Create awareness. Set the alarm on your phone to go off a few times a day – perhaps three times. At the moment the alarm goes off, check in with yourself. “Am I in the vibration of lack or the vibration of enough?” Then remind yourself that whatever is happening or being created in that moment is enough.

5.Read my book “A Shift to Bliss” – Chapter 3 “There is Not Enough” where we explore the concept of lack Vs. the concept of abundance in more depth.

5 Steps if You Feel Challenged

The Buddha told us that all suffering is created from three things:

• Greed – longing, desire, wanting
• Hatred – no love, no compassion, no forgiveness
• Delusion – seeing things as we wish them to be or not as they really are.

When our lives feel difficult, this is a useful list to examine and use to excavate how we are creating our own suffering. Writer and Buddhist Jack Kornfield tells us that “The ordinary man chooses to look at the results; the wise man chooses to look at the cause” … because it is actually ourselves who create our own suffering.

Problems and challenges are inevitable – they are inbuilt into every life, even when we manifest our deepest desires, encoded into that manifestation will be both positives and negatives. We cannot get away from challenges because we are here to transform and become greater than who we were when we first arrived here, and we can only do this by being challenged. Plato said that “only the dead have known the end of war”. While that is a rather depressing statement, it is the truth at this point in time in our history.

So whether we like it or not, we will continue to be handed challenges. While some problems we create ourselves (karma), others seem random and totally unfair. And at the human level they are, because they haven’t been consciously created. They were created at the soul level for our own enlightenment, like a series of tests.
Here are five steps to take if you are experiencing a challenge.

1. Practise acceptance – the greatest block to overcoming challenges is resistance. When we react to a problem with “Why me?”, “This is so unfair!”, “Just when it was all coming together …” we are failing to accept the problem. We waste a lot of energy feeling victimised, and we cannot change what we don’t accept.

2. Realise it was created by your soul for your growth – yes, it’s true. YOU created it so that you can become more! For example, if you are experiencing relationship problems, you are being challenged to grow your understanding of love either for yourself or another; if you are going through financial hardship, your lesson is to open up to your creative powers; if you are swamped by problems, your soul has put you on a fast-track to learn to trust and surrender.

3. Open yourself up to the spiritual big picture – our ego mind has a very narrow way of looking at things. It cannot see the spiritual big picture. It judges everything as good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable. And yet, have you ever had a “bad thing” happen that turned out, in the long run, to be a “good thing”?
4. Ask yourself this important question – “I’m not sure why or how I created this, but I am willing to take responsibility for it. There is something from this experience that I am meant to be learning and growing from”.

5. Meditate and ask for guidance – call upon the Angels, God or The Universe (in accordance with your beliefs) and ask for insights and guidance. Hand the problem over and say “I am open to signs and guidance”. Then stay aware and trust that you will be shown what you need to know.

Everything in your life is a mirror, reflecting back to you a belief that exists within you. If you believe you’re not good enough, you will attract people and situations that reflect this back to you. If you struggle to make ends meet, you have a belief that there is not enough. If you attract difficult people into your life, you have some past trauma you need to resolve.

By going within when we are experiencing a problem, we are going to the Source. This is a powerful place from where we can get a change of perspective and answers. Sometimes we “fix” a problem on a more superficial level, but if we do not learn the lesson from the problem, it will be presented to us over and over again until we do. Once we do learn the lesson, however, that particular challenge will not be presented to us again because we have transcended the pattern within us that created it.

The more we embrace our challenges and learn from them, the easier the challenges get. Like ploughing a field, first the big boulders must be removed, then the stones, then the pebbles. The big boulders are our core wounds – the very painful wounds that recreate painful challenges until they are healed, the stones are problems that don’t feel as “charged” and the pebbles are the smaller challenges that beset us from time to time. So if you can, embrace your challenges because the more you do, the easier it gets.

The Most Common Blocks to Happiness

We all want to be happy. In his book “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart”, Dr Gordon Livingstone tells us that for most of us, having something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to are the three basic things that make most of us happy. Having held many vision board workshops over the years, I have to agree with him. On every vision board, I see the desire for enjoyable and meaningful work, for a loving partner and things to look forward to in the future. And yet there will be times in our lives that we don’t have one, two or even all three of these things in our lives. How, then, can we be happy? To quote from my recent publication A Shift to Bliss:

“True and lasting happiness doesn’t come from a desired outcome. If you are relying on a desired outcome for your happiness, it will be short-lived. True happiness can only be found from within and it follows that this inner fulfilment will create your outer fulfilment.”

Although we have been conditioned to believe that certain things will make us happy, but we each have the power to generate our own happiness no matter what is happening in our lives. We cannot get true happiness from “out there”! It’s not what happens to us that creates our happiness or our unhappiness; it is what we think about what happens to us that creates our happiness or unhappiness.

Our fearful ego mind, always in the vibration of lack and looking for what is missing, has all sorts of habits and tricks to keep us feeling unhappy, and here are the most common:
Not being present – dwelling on the past or anticipating the future stops us from being fully in the moment. When we can be fully in the moment, we discover most of the time that all is well in that moment!

Obsessing over the destination and not the journey – we all have goals and dreams, but if we focus too much on a future outcome, we can forget to enjoy the now … life really is a journey, and very often the destination isn’t as rosy as we had anticipated.

Resisting the What Is – challenges are a part of life. By accepting everything that happens in our life, we work with it and not against it. Whatever we resist, persists. By accepting things as they are, paradoxically, we are more likely to bring about positive change.

Misaligned action – if what we are doing is in conflict to what we really want and who we want to be, we won’t be feeling happy. Conversely, if what we do is in alignment with what we really want and who we want to be, we will be feeling a sense of purpose and inner joy.

Suppressing feelings – if we are to live a full life, then we are meant to feel the full spectrum of feelings that are a part of life – even the so-called negative ones – anger, guilt, shame, hopelessness, loneliness, fear, jealousy – by feeling and acknowledging our feelings, we allow them to pass through us. If we try not to feel them, we suppress them and they remain stuck in our energy field, creating more situations that trigger these feelings.

Repressed fear – it is normal and human to have fears. Problems arise when we deny our fear. It then stays locked in our energy field, attracting to us everything we fear! If we acknowledge our fears, they begin to lose their power over us.

Expectations – if we are overly-attached to certain outcomes, we can plummet into disappointment if the expectation doesn’t materialise. While it’s good to be optimistic, we must balance this with acceptance.

Believing in “should” – “I should be more successful by now”; “he should know that this is not ok”, “you should be more generous”. The word “should” denotes an expectation, and it is usually the expectation of the mass-consciousness, not necessarily any personal value system of our own.

Comparing ourselves to others – this is a pointless exercise, because there is always going to be someone more attractive, more successful, or more wealthy than us! We are each on our own unique journey, and we are each here to learn different lessons and to create different things. If we feel envy for others, that very vibration will block us from getting what it is they have. So if you find yourself comparing yourself to others who have what you would like, send them love and gratitude to them for showing you that it is possible and that you can have it too.
Depending on other people to make us happy – if we depend on other people to make us happy, then we are at their mercy when they make us unhappy – and they will, because no one can make another person happy all of the time.

Believing “I can’t be happy if others are unhappy” – we must all generate our own happiness. If someone you care about is unhappy, you will be doing them a disservice by becoming unhappy too, but if you remain in a positive vibration, you are more likely to help lift them up than if you are wallowing down there in the lower vibration with them.

Believing in “Happy ever after” – there is no such thing! Life is a series of events – some we see as positive and some as negative. Even if we fall in love, there will be challenges in the future. If we find our “dream house”, it will still need cleaning. Life will always contain challenges. Once we conquer one challenge, a different one will appear.

Lack of gratitude – is your glass half full or half empty? An attitude of gratitude is the greatest way to delete the vibration of scarcity – that is, noticing everything that you don’t have, as opposed to noticing all that you do have. “I already have so much and I am so grateful” is a wonderful affirmation to say every day, as well creating a gratitude list in your mind or on paper.

We cannot chase happiness! – happiness is not a commodity. It is a by-product of a life well-lived. Don’t make happiness your ultimate goal; you’re bound to be disappointed. Make a meaningful life your goal – something to do, someone to love and something to look forward to are worthy goals. Deep down, we all know what we truly want and what will make us happy. If you haven’t worked it out yet, then ask yourself:

• What truly matters to me?
• What would I like my life to be about?
• Who do I want to be?
• What do I have to give?
• How can I contribute?
• How do I want to feel on this journey called life?

You will have gifts, talents and preferences that are unique to you. Don’t deny them. Be true to yourself, follow your heart and know that the Universe truly is on your side!

How the Supermoon may be affecting you

This current full moon is a Supermoon – when the moon is full and is closest to the Earth. In a nutshell, here are the ways you may be being affected:

Feeling highly emotional – full moons can bring to the surface our repressed emotions. If you are feeling emotional – sad, angry, frustrated, hopeless – whatever feeling comes up, embrace the feeling. It’s coming up to be healed, and you can heal it through accepting the feeling and truly feeling it. You’ve got to feel it to heal it!

Feelings of sadness or hopelessness- during a full moon we may feel sad or disappointed about the things we do not have or haven’t happened for us yet. Again, embrace the feeling. Do not judge or beat yourself up.

Old beliefs and patterns becoming more intensified – wherever we are stuck, the situation will become more intensified. This is so that we pay attention. No longer can we ignore it. We are being pushed to transform.

Loss or letting go – we may experience a loss of some kind or have to let go of something. Every transformation begins with a loss. It may be a person, a job, a thing. Or it may be a belief that is no longer serving us. We have to lose something to make room for the new.

Insights – pay attention to your dreams, and to any messages (signs, songs on the radio, inner messages). A full moon can bring inner revelation. For example, I had a mega-revelation yesterday that a particular pattern I am playing out with my son is the same pattern I played out with my mother when I was a child. These insights can be very healing and give us clarity.

Revelation – something may be revealed to us, such as a secret or someone else’s hidden agenda. Things are always revealed to us in divine and perfect timing. Even if the news is bad, accept that it is what it is and that you are meant to know about it, so that you can do something about it.

Inspiration and creativity – moon energy is feminine and creative. Divine inspiration and creativity can flow through us easily at this time. Pay attention to any ideas that come through, and if you are working on a creative project, you will find your creativity flows beautifully right now.

Aligning to purpose – you may feel the desire to do something that is aligned with your soul’s purpose. If this is happening for you, heed the call. This doesn’t mean that you give up your day job – but take a step towards doing what you really want to do. Look into courses and talk to people who may be able to help you.

You can embrace this Supermoon energy by meditating – preferably in the moonlight! Or take a mindful walk in the moonlight, observing without labelling. You could even have a moon bathe! Embrace your feminine “Goddess” energy at this time and enjoy the beautiful silver moon – it is there for your healing. And if you have crystals, give them a cleanse under the supermoon tonight!

How to clear negative emotions

We all know them and feel them – those emotions that we don’t want to feel because when we feel them, it doesn’t feel at all good. These so-called negative or toxic emotions are simply feelings with a judgment attached to them, as are the positive emotions. That is, it’s a feeling we recognise and put a label on. And these labels are either positive or negative.

Some positive emotions are :
Happiness, joy, confidence, excitement, inner peace, serenity, gratitude, optimism.

Some negative emotions are:
Fear, anger, resentment, revenge, anxiety, sadness, guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, hopelessness, despair and abandonment.

There is nothing actually toxic about any of these so-called negative emotions, because they are just feelings that come up in us that are attached to how we perceive what is happening in our lives in any particular moment, and they will always be attached to a thought. Why do we judge or label them as negative? Because many of these feelings have past traumas attached to them, and most of us learned, from when we were very young, that it was not ok to feel this way or display the feeling. If we did, we were not a worthwhile person. Most of us were taught to be ASHAMED of these feelings, so we get a double whammy – the past trauma attached to the feeling and the shame we have about feeling it! How often do you think to yourself “I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m a spiritual person and should be above this”? Right? Wrong! When we repress these emotions – we put them away, and pretend they’re not there – the emotion ultimately has control over us because it remains in our energy field. Conversely, whatever we own, we have control over. Whatever we deny or repress ultimately has control over us. Think of people who explode with anger or rage. This is what happens when we repress our emotions – we lose control eventually. So we can’t change anything until we claim it and acknowledge it.

When we accept ourselves and what we feel in this moment, we have the ability to change.
Every feeling has or had a positive purpose once upon a time. For example, sometimes we need to feel angry to propel us out of an undesirable situation, or to feel guilty in order to recognise a mistake.

We each have within us the full range of emotions. Have you ever heard yourself say “that’s okay, don’t worry about it” when deep down you feel hurt or angry, but you just can’t express it? That’s because you’ve been taught to hide these emotions – by our families, school, and society in general. Why were we encouraged to do this? Because we fear our emotions – we fear them so much that we will do anything NOT to face them and feel them. So frightened is our ego mind, that feeling these feelings can feel life-threatening!

That’s what addictions are all about. They stop us from feeling these feelings. But there is nothing wrong with a negative emotion because they’re just a feeling. ACTING on the negative feeling is a whole other matter.

The ONLY way to process and release a negative feeling is to ACCEPT IT AND FEEL IT. When we choose to own and feel our feelings, we allow them to flow through us and out of us because energy constantly flows through us. When we RESIST a negative emotion, it becomes stuck energy that doesn’t move through us. Eventually, our body and mind becomes like a clothes dryer with a clogged-up lint filter. The built-up blocked emotions eventually turn into depression or serious illness.

A good thing to do whenever you feel a negative emotion, is to place your hand on your heart for 20-30 seconds and connect with the present moment. Feel the feeling and breathe through it. Then remember a time when you felt loved and safe. This literally changes the wiring of your mind!

We cannot talk about these emotions without mentioning our wounded child. Many of these emotions are from a very young place within us. The more an emotion packs a punch, the more likely it is that you’re holding a childhood wound. When you recognise and pay attention to your wounded child, she/he no longer needs to run the show. We all have a mother/nurturer archetype in us too. When your wounded child is triggered and hurting, learn to comfort him/her. Be the parent you longed for.

Let’s shine some light on our negative emotions. Just by acknowledging them and owning them, we’re releasing a lot of the trauma, shame and self-hatred associated with them.

Fear – fear is the basis of every negative emotions. It’s the opposite of love and is based on the belief that we are not safe in the world.

Anger – anger is resistance to the What Is.

Resentment – longstanding anger that has built up over time.

Revenge – the ego need to lash out and make the other person hurt.

Anxiety – fear that comes from not trusting the process of life, and the inability to be in the moment and trust that the future will take care of itself.

Sadness – comes from a sense of loss or disappointment.

Guilt – feeling that we have done something wrong.

Shame – feeling that WE are essentially wrong.

Jealousy – the fear of having someone we love taken away from us.

Envy – wishing we could have what someone else has because we see ourselves as not enough.

Hopelessness – a sense that there is no hope.

Despair – immense hopelessness where we don’t know if we can go on.

Abandonment – feeling let down and totally alone.

Rejection – feeling not wanted. The greatest human fear is fear of rejection.

So as to feel your emotions and allow them move through you, I recommend a technique called BODY FOCUSSING.
When you feel an uncomfortable emotion, close your eyes.
Where do you feel the sensation in your body?
Drop the story in your mind and simply feel the physical feeling.
Surrender to it. Accept it. Say hello to it.
Does this feeling have a shape/colour/texture?
Is it moving or still?
Is there anything it wants to tell you? Sit for a few minutes – you may get a memory, a message, a symbol – or you may not. The outcome is not the point; the process is the point. The most important thing is that you have felt and honoured your emotion, and are therefore allowing it to move through you and eventually out of you.

Embracing the Energy of 999

Numerologically, the energies of 999 are now culminating before 9th September 2016 – the 9th day of September, being the 9th month and 2016 adding up to a number 9. Number 9 is all about completion. Numerology is based on nine year cycles and the date of 999 comes around every nine years; the last one being 9th September 2007.

999 is a rare opportunity to clear any negative karmic energy we have accumulated over the past nine years. It is a time where anything we may have been in denial about or “wished away” will smack us in the face with much greater force than ever before. We may find we come to a realisation that things cannot go on the way they are. For many of us, this can feel extremely painful.

The lead up to 999 brings about challenges and crises that force us to face certain aspects of ourselves, so as to transform and evolve for our highest good. We cannot change anything until we acknowledge and accept it. While some of us may experience physical endings – such as leaving a job, a relationship breakup or moving, many of us will experience less tangible endings, such as letting go of old thought patterns and perceptions that don’t serve us, letting go of old behaviours, no longer putting up with ill-treatment from others or ill-treatment from ourselves!

999 also brings about a completion of lessons. Certain relationships or situations may end because you have learned what you were meant to learn from that person/situation – their purpose has been fulfilled and now it is time to let go.

Forgiveness is an important aspect of 999. We must look at our lives from a higher perspective and know that everything and everyone comes into our lives to teach us something. The hardest challenges are in our lives for our growth and expansion. If we embrace the lessons from these challenges, we really do become better people – more loving, empathic, kind and humble. Your greatest enemy is, in fact, your highest teacher.

Lion’s Gateway – Align with Your Soul’s Truth

Lion’s Gate occurs on 8/8 and is a cosmic alignment which occurs every year, when the Earth aligns with the centre of the galaxy and opens a portal between the physical and the spiritual realms. This is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to bring the spiritual into our earthly experience. That is what we are here to do – to create Heaven on Earth! This window of opportunity may be experienced by some as a crisis, an ending, or traumatic events. The Universe is giving us a shake-up. For others it may be the overwhelming feeling that we are no longer in alignment with certain aspects of our lives. Wherever we are out of alignment with our soul, we will experience heightened challenge and discomfort, because we are being pushed to become more conscious. For many, our dreams may be more vivid and hold strong messages, and those who are healers or sensitive to energy, may physically experience the waves of energy that are being beamed to us right now.

If you are currently experiencing challenges, surrender to them and trust that they are a necessary part of your journey to awakening. Lose the fear! We must transition from fear to love.

How do I let go of the vibration of fear and allow in the vibration of love?

Close your eyes and focus on your heart chakra. Feel into your heart and breathe in and out. One of the most powerful ways of transmuting fear into love is by reciting the ho’Oponopono prayer.

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you.

Love is the only power that heals, and the only vibration from which we can make choices in our highest good. Choices made out of fear will not lead to fulfilment; choices made out of love will always ultimately result in fulfilment. It’s as simple as that. Love creates all things good. And this is where trust comes in.

How do learn to trust in the Universe?

Start with this affirmation:

“I trust that the Universe is on my side and is forever propelling me towards my highest good”

It’s true! The Universe wants to support us, but it cannot support us if we’re not trusting in it. The vibration of fear negates Universal support. The Universe will always support us if we make choices in our highest good and the highest good of all.

Keep an evidence journal. Write down every time your wishes have been answered, every instance that things have turned out well, every time you receive a gift from the Universe. When you fall into the vibration of fear, look through your journal to remind you that you are always being looked after.

Here is a wonderful YouTube link to the ho’Oponopono song and an explanation of ho’Oponopono.

Sending you Love and Light,


Why and How to Clear Space

Mention “space clearing” to some people and they will give you a look that says “So you’re one of those …”. The concept of energy is foreign to some people who over-identify with the physical realm and the tangible, and yet many of these same people experience the “inexplicable”. Many years ago, when living in London, an old maternity nursing home was pulled down in my suburb. It was reported in the local paper that the builders heard the screams and moans of women as they knocked the walls down. These builders were not your new age hippie kind, but they were experiencing an esoteric truth – places are affected by the energy of people and events.

This is great news if where you live or work has positive energy – but if where you live or work has negative energy, you will be affected by it. Perhaps you are sensitive to energy – have you ever walked into a room of people and felt you could “cut the atmosphere with a knife?” or worked in a place where everyone seemed moody or miserable? Conversely, have you ever been in a place where you feel instantly lighter and freer? This is all due to energy.

What creates negative energy patterns in places?

The people who live or work in a place affect the energy of it. If someone is holding a lot of “toxic” emotions, they will affect the energy of the place and this will then begin to infect the other people who live or work in that place.

Places are also affected by the events that take place there, or have taken place. Spaces can hold onto the energy of an event for a very long time after it has happened. Violent acts and murders are an example of this. A little while ago I was asked to clear an old apartment where the resident had been experiencing a series of negative events. As I walked up the stairwell of the block, I felt a dark energy engulf me. I asked my client on arrival if she knew of anything sinister that had happened in the block. She told me that a violent murder had happened there a few years prior to her moving in.

Port Arthur in Tasmania is an interesting case study on energy. I first visited this place with my family when I was 10 years old and I felt an eerie gloominess the whole day we were there. The guide told us about the harsh and miserable conditions for the inmates in the early 1800’s, some of them only young boys who’d been transported from England for such crimes as stealing a loaf of bread. Years later, the notorious mass-shooting of innocent families took place there. When I heard this awful news, it somehow did not surprise me because a negative event or events can create an energy pattern that keeps re-creating a similar energy pattern.

What exactly is energy?

If you’re not sure what I mean by energy, I am referring to the very foundation of all creation. Albert Einstein said that “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it”. Put simply, all that atoms contain is energy. Everything is made of up of energy – people, animals, trees, rocks, water, buildings as well as intangible things such as thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions create energy patterns.

Water is particularly sensitive to emotions, as proven by the Japanese scientist Dr Masaru Emoto who recorded the reaction of water to positive vibrations such as the words “Love” and “Gratitude” and classical music. The water formed beautiful crystals. When exposed to negative vibrations such as the words “Hate” or “Hitler” or heavy metal music, it would not form a crystal.

You may have heard of lay lines – lines of energy that run across the earth. In Europe, churches are traditionally built where lay lines intersect – not because the Christian church wanted it so, but because churches were built over earlier places of worship such as temples. Earlier religions knew what lay lines were and where they were. The Freemasons also knew about this knowledge. In America, The Pentagon, The White House and other key early buildings were built on lay lines because most of the American founding fathers – George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and many others – were Freemasons. The same is the case in Australia. Our old government house is built on a lay line as are Hyde Park and many of the early buildings in Sydney. Governor Lachlan Macquarie was also a Freemason!

When is it necessary to clear space?

Whenever you feel a place is draining you or affecting your physical energy and/or emotions. Such places may be:

  • Any place where there has been conflict such as an argument
  • Any place where negative events are taking place or have taken place
  • Anywhere where energy feels foreign or uncomfortable such as a hotel room or new home
  • Anywhere that you find energy-draining, but have to be, such as a stressful work environment.

How do you clear the energy in a space?

Energy responds to one thing and one thing only. Consciousness. Our conscious intention can clear energy! And there are a number of ways of doing it, but whatever way we choose, it’s important that we feel connected to our Source energy (whatever that means to you – perhaps it’s God, or Angels or simply the Universe).


You can either stand or sit in the place you wish to clear, or you can visualise the place from a distance. Say:

“I command that all negative energies, negative vibrations, negative thoughts and negative emotions leave this room/office/space now. Thank You. So be it.”


With your hand or a feather or a laser light, draw a figure eight (or the Reiki power symbol if you’re attuned to Reiki 2) on every wall and in every corner.

For more heavy duty clearing, use a sage smudge stick, or sandalwood or sage incense stick.

Other tools that clear energy effectively are singing bowls, bells and lavender. A few drops of lavender essential oil on a cotton wool ball placed in each corner of a room will keep the energy clear.


Visualise white light filling the place you wish to clear, and visualise the figure eight or the Reiki power symbol on each wall and in the corners.

You can take space clearing a step further – particularly for your home – and create a sacred space with a house blessing.



  1. Bathe, dress for the occasion
  2. Clear yourself energetically, by asking to be filled with white light
  3. Decide your intention, such as “to clear out all negative energies, and to fill this home with love, peace and light and all that promotes good health and prosperity”.

On a tray, place some items that represent the things you want, for example: a rose (for beauty and purity) a bowl of rice (for creativity/fertility) a lit candle (to bring in light), a crystal (for healing energy), an incense or smudge stick as well as any tools such as a bell or singing bowl and a feather.


Take the tray with you as you walk around your home. Stand in the centre of each room, ground yourself and breathe.

  • Say I now request the powers of Divine Light, Divine Blessings and Divine Source to safely release, remove and dissolve all negative energies and imprints in this room. I now send cleansing energies to purify and dissolve all negative energies and imprints with white and gold healing light to this room.
  • Go around circumference of room – Use Figure eight/Reiki symbol/bell/bowl
  • Open cupboards and clear with bell, bowl, feather or lavender.




May the Creator within all things bring blessings and peace for all the members of this household. May this home be filled with joy, laughter and love. Please fill it now with healing energy and all that supports good health and abundance. Thank You. So be it.

When you have completed all rooms, place the tray in a central area of your home and allow the candle to burn all day.


You will need a stone, a permanent marker and an indoor plant. On the stone, write your intentions for your home and place this stone in an indoor plant. Every time you water this plant, you water your intentions!






The Ego Mind Vs the True Self

Most of us live in a bipolar state and I don’t mean bipolar disorder. We live between two polarities – the Ego Mind and the True Self. You may have heard me say before, that the human race is experiencing an evolution. The more we embrace this evolution by being willing to grow and become present, the more we will be living as our True Self. Nothing happens overnight however, unless we are lucky enough to be struck by the wand of enlightenment in our sleep – and it does happen for some, such as Eckhart Tolle (after much suffering may I add). However most of us will be dipping in and out of our True Self. Sometimes our Ego Mind will dominate and sometimes our True Self will be in charge, and that’s OK and normal. This is where awareness is very valuable.

What is the difference between the ego mind and the True Self?

Our ego mind is our false self – the conditioned self – who is not in touch with who we really are. It feeds on the vibration of fear and lives through a paradigm of Win/Lose (I win and therefore you must lose – also known as competition). When we are in ego we will feel contracted and small and “all alone”, and so we seek POWER. Ego power can feel good and it’s very addictive. Think of times when someone has hurt you and you seek to “get your own back”. It can feel wonderful at the time, but the good effect is short-lived, and often regretted.

The ego mind can also be needy. It does not want to lose anything and so it clings to people, places and situations. When we are in our ego mind, we will be dominated by the emotions of envy, jealousy, guilt, anger, resentment and other toxic emotions as well as loneliness. We can also experience feel-good emotions – excitement, elation and ecstasy, but these never last. When they go, we drop down to the same disconnected, lonely feeling that existed before, which can feel devastating. So the ego mind will have us experiencing an emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs. The ego doesn’t like to feel bad and so it looks for quick-fixes and is the basis of all addictions. The ego worries about what other people think of us and acts from an outside point of view as opposed to being self-directed, and just as it fears judgment; it also judges others, creating separation, loneliness and isolation.

We can easily be tricked by the ego mind – convincing us that revenge is justified, that our judgments of others are realistic, that our greed is just a healthy desire and that extreme vanity is an expression of beauty. The ego mind gets overly attached to outcomes and to expectations, and can feel angry or disappointed when things don’t turn out as expected or hoped for. It fills our mind with “random inner dialogue”, a lot of it negative, and much of it pointless.

So to sum it up, the ego mind is insecure and keeps us in perpetual misery!

By contrast, the True Self is who we really are and is connected to the All That Is. It is always in the vibration of love. It operates through the paradigm of Win/Win (I gain and you gain – also known as co-operation). When we are living as our True Self, we feel a sense of expansion and we know that we are significant but not in an egotistical way – this feeling is quietly powerful, humble and connected. While we may experience negative emotions and thoughts, these take place at a more superficial level because underlying these emotions is a foundation of love and a state of awareness that we are not our emotions or our thoughts. We are something far greater.

When we are operating from our True Self, we experience a state of neutrality most of the time – a feeling of inner peace and serenity – while the movie of life plays out just as it may when we are in our ego mind, but we are not “in it” like we are when we are our ego mind. It is simply a movie and we don’t have to step aboard the roller-coaster of thoughts and emotions that the ego mind would choose. The True Self knows that in life, things are forever changing – people, places and situations come and go, sometimes we get what we want and sometimes we don’t – but it makes no real difference to our sense of inner peace. This is true personal power! And it is the basis of true happiness.

What is true happiness?

There are a lot of books out there on happiness. True happiness is the state of inner peace and serenity. Some of us don’t recognise that this is happiness – so conditioned are we that we think happiness is excitement, elation and ecstasy – but these emotions are always short-lived. As human beings, we do not have the energy to sustain such a state of being for that long. What comes up must come down. The more we seek thrills, the more depression and despair we also experience. Our lives will certainly include moments of peak experiences, but the more in touch with our True Self we are, the more we do not identify with the thrill. We can enjoy it for what it is, but not cling to it, or hope that it will last, or take it too seriously, knowing that “this too shall pass”.

How can we begin to connect more with our True Self?

We can only start this journey to the True Self from where we are today. There are no shortcuts. We need to fully embrace who we are right now – we don’t get anywhere by denying our ego. The only way to transcend the ego mind is by:

  1. Bringing AWARENESS to it
  2. Realising there is a SPACE between the ego mind’s desire and our action
  3. Choosing to transcend the ego’s desires with the vibration of LOVE.

Asking the question “What would love do now?” is a powerful question.

Here are further ways of becoming present and getting more in touch with your True Self :

  • Practise presence and observation – Whenever you can, become aware of the present moment – right here, right now – and simply observe it. Simply observe without thought. Set an alarm on your phone two or three times a day, or put a few signs around your home or work space with the word PRESENCE or NOW to remind you to make contact with the present moment right now.
  • Meditate – Sitting with yourself and observing your thoughts, emotions, agitations and distractions is a highly effective way to become self-aware.
  • Pay attention to your breath – This is a great way to become more present. Again, if you’re new to this, set an alarm on your phone two or three times daily to practise.
  • Feel your body – The body is not the busy ego-mind. Feeling the inside of our body brings awareness. The body is constantly talking to you, telling you the truth. When you connect in with your body, you disconnect from your busy ego-mind.
  • Observe nature – Simply by sitting and observing nature, you are connecting in with the Universal Source.
  • Yoga/exercise – Undertake exercise in a self-observant way. Notice your breath, feel your bodily sensations, observe your thoughts. Stay present.
  • Do something you love or do something creative – When you are fully engaged in a create activity that you enjoy, you can feel totally present and connected, and the ego mind falls away. Paint, write, build, decorate, sew, knit, garden, colour-in, play – whatever gives you joy creatively, make some time to do it.

Learn to Be Yourself

We are all unique and have a special purpose. We must stop comparing ourselves to others and honour our own uniqueness. Healer and author Catherine Wilkinson refers to the True Self as Spiritual Purity and has this to say:

”There is only one pure thing that you can be – and that is a pure you.

When something is pure, it has a strength and an effect it could not otherwise have. Think about a laser. A laser is a very pure form of light – so pure that it consists of just one frequency. This purity gives it extraordinary power. A laser can travel for miles in a straight line. It can vaporise tissue and cut through metal. Ordinary light such as torch light cannot do these things. Ordinary light is not pure; it is many things.

When you are “pure you” do not expect to have the same effect on others that another person might have. Your individual nature is different from theirs. How you affect people is a result of your individual nature. The important thing is to become you. Just you. The real you.

Every time you take on the goals, attitudes, thoughts, dreams, feelings or expression of another person, you risk diluting your purity. You will no longer be 100% you. You may become 78% you, or 45%. Some people have almost entirely lost touch with their True Self. They have so overloaded themselves with the expectations and thoughts of others that only a little of them remains, perhaps only 3%. Such people live lives of quiet desperation and their bio-magnetic field (aura) is extremely weak.”

So begin to spend quality time with yourself and listen to yourself! Become aware of how much you take on other people’s energy and beliefs. Your True Self already knows what you want and what will make you happy. Honour those things. Steve Jobs said:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary”

So begin taking the first step in knowing YOU, and enjoy the journey. Forget about the destination – or rather, detach from the destination – which is your vision, your goal. It will happen in good time if you believe in it and you trust. BUT all the fun takes place along the journey. Just ask Dorothy, Alice, Gulliver or any other main protagonist in any story. The end of the book isn’t nearly as good as what takes place in those middle pages.



Why practise acceptance?

The most important relationship you will ever have is with the present moment. Are you creating conflict between your inner and outer worlds? Are your thoughts and feelings in opposition to What Is? This is an inner state of war. For many of us, life feels like a battle or a struggle, because it is the ego mind’s nature to resist the present moment – it wants to take us to the past or the future, or to run from the present moment – anything except be fully present here and now and accept where we are and what is happening. The ego mind has a constant agenda, often in opposition to the What Is, particularly if we are feeling challenged. How many times a day do you unconsciously say to yourself “I don’t want to be here?” Sometimes we can and do walk away from situations and people that aren’t good for us, but some situations and people we cannot leave, and nor do we have to. Difficult circumstances and people are an invitation from the Universe to deepen into the present moment and practise acceptance. When we can see every moment as chosen by us on a soul level and fully accept whatever is happening right now, we align with the present moment and work with it and not against it. Everything that is happening in our lives is actually in our highest good – whether we label it positive or negative. Have you ever had something happen that you label as positive :

He asked me to marry him – that’s positive
I lost my job – that’s negative

Only to realise that in hindsight it wasn’t:

The worst thing I ever did was marry him!
If I didn’t lose my job I wouldn’t have started my own business

Acceptance is a very powerful vibration because it neutralises what is happening. And it’s not what happens to us or doesn’t happen to us, it’s our relationship to what is happening, that determines our happiness and future positive outcomes. We cannot heal or change what we don’t accept. Often, the very switch from resistance to acceptance resolves the problem, because resistance IS the problem.

Accepting our feelings

If we are feeling, sad, lonely, angry or negative, we must accept that is how we feel. If we are feeling that there is no way we can accept the present moment, then we accept that! From the position of acceptance, we allow the feelings to be there. If we don’t accept the feelings, we deny and repress them and they stay with us, snowballing into stuck energy that re- create situations that re-trigger those feelings.
From fear to love

From the space of acceptance (non-resistance), we alter our vibration from fear to love, and neutralise our vibration. You could liken this to switching from acid to alkaline. The very vibration of acceptance (love) can effectively solve a problem, because from this place our perspective changes. Attempting to solve a problem from the place of resistance (fear) will not effectively solve any problem in the long-term. This is because we will be making choices based on fear, and choices based on fear will not create outcomes in our highest good.

The lesson is more important than the outcome

The Universe knows that learning the lesson behind a challenge is more important than us achieving our desired outcome. When we accept, and even embrace, a challenge, and do what we need to do to get through it, it ceases to create future challenges that would have been created had we not fully learned the lesson by embracing it. We all can have a vision for our lives and desire outcomes, but it is only through accepting all the lessons on the way to creating our desires, that we actually achieve them.

If you keep resisting and refuse to learn the lesson from a challenge, it will keep showing up in your life in different forms

You may have heard the saying “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you”. If we are resisting a lesson, we will be blaming other people and situations, feeling sorry for ourselves and victimised. This is a sure way to stay in a problem. Have you ever noticed that certain themes or patterns keep showing up in your life? This is because you are still in resistance to the real challenge that is being presented to you – which is acceptance and non-judgment of the What Is. This is a further reason to accept and even embrace that particular challenge when it comes. When we learn to accept, the challenge will begin to dissipate out of our life. When we learn to see our challenges as our friends, and not our enemies, we will embrace our true path.

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement

The ego mind gets very attached to a point of view. If someone says or believes something we don’t agree with, we can follow our ego and go into battle with the person, or we can listen to our True Self and accept their point of view. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. If we fail to manifest an outcome that we have worked towards, we can resist it and feel frustrated and angry about it, or we can accept the outcome we received, learn from it and attempt it in a different way. If someone chooses to criticise us, we can choose to resist the criticism and get defensive, or we can choose to accept the criticism, run it by our own inner guidance system, take from the criticism what is useful to us, and let go of the rest. Conversely, when we receive praise from others, we can do the same thing. The ego LOVES praise and positive feedback, even if it isn’t true! This is how we get “whisked off our feet”, charmed and blinkered by charming people who are not necessarily our friends.

When bad things happen to good people

Undesirable challenges face many people. It is these big challenges that test the human spirit to transform at a deep level. When bad things happen, it is normal to feel victimised and angry. It is normal to desire revenge. The last thing we want to do is forgive the perpetrator of a crime done to us, or to forgive God or the Universe for inflicting on us something terrible. In these circumstances, the ego mind will be challenged like never before. However, these events were chosen by us on a soul level – not on a conscious level – as a vehicle to awakening. The pain of these events pushes us to awaken, because awakening is the only way we can transcend the pain.


When something “bad” happens, no amount of logic and reason is going to bring inner peace because at the earthly level, none of it makes any sense or seems fair. It is only be viewing these events from a higher perspective that we can extract any meaning out of them. If we remain seeing the situation through the earthly lens only (the ego mind), our pain will only increase and our sense of victimisation will grow stronger, creating a vibration that will attract even more negativity. Alternatively, if we can view what happened as a soul choice – that our soul chose to go through this experience in order that we expand and become greater, we are on the path to acceptance and forgiveness. We must embrace all the emotions that arise from the experience. It is normal to feel feelings like grief, anger, despair, hopelessness, abandonment and even a desire for revenge, and we shouldn’t push these feelings away, but rather accept them, feel them and allow them to be there. We don’t need to act on them either, because history has continually shown us the result of the ego mind’s reactions – further karma, which is the re-creation of a similar vibration returning to us.
Forgiveness is acceptance, not approval. It is letting go of resistance and it is one of the most difficult things a human being can achieve because the emotions of hatred and revenge are very powerful, and forgiveness requires us to open our hearts, and to not judge the offending person or circumstance. Hard work indeed!
We may not like what was done to us or what happened to us and we don’t have to think it was okay. To forgive, we accept what happened and we accept our feelings, and then, when we are ready, we consciously choose to let go of all negative emotions we hold around the event or towards another person. Most of us have struggled to forgive at some stage in our lives. It is not uncommon for parents who have lost a child in tragic circumstances to feel they cannot forgive God. It is also not uncommon for a person who felt betrayed by another to stay feeling angry and vengeful for years. Forgiveness is a process and it is not one that we can fake. Our ego mind may try and tell us otherwise, but we can only know we have fully forgiven when we no longer hold any negative emotions or feelings of revenge towards others or events.

Forgiveness transcends karma

The mastering of forgiveness is the most powerful process we can undertake in this lifetime, and if we master it, we will transcend all earthly karma. Karma is all that we create from our energy field. If we are withholding forgiveness, we will keep creating situations that will challenge us to forgive. It is normal for the ego mind to desire justice if we feel victimised or robbed, but the True Self knows that there are valuable gifts in everything that happens to us, and that our awakening is more important than any of our human earthly attachments and desires.
As long as our ego mind is in control of us and demands justice, we will block the natural Universal Justice that exists. Paradoxically, it is only when we have released any desire for revenge that Universal Justice flows forth and balances karma.

Acceptance Meditation

Sit and breathe, accepting the present moment. Now think of a challenge you struggle to accept.
As you think of each of this :
• Feel the feelings and just allow them to be there
• Drop the story and focus on the feelings
• Feel any physical sensations that come up in your body
• Feel and sense this physical sensation or sensations
• Does it have a shape. a texture, a colour?
• Does it move or stay in the same place?
• Is there anything it wants to tell you? – don’t worry if you don’t get an answer.
• Ask to be cleared of all blocks to acceptance and forgiveness
• Ask to receive the valuable lessons and insights in divine timing
• Ask to be divinely guided in our thoughts and actions (divine right action) going forward
• Send white light – washing away all resistance
• See the word “acceptance” imprinted into every cell of your body
• Breathe into your heart and feel love and compassion for yourself

What is self-awareness ?

Self-awareness is a state of being where we are present and connected to ourselves. It is only through this state of being that we can create positive change in our lives. Let me explain further.
Our ego mind (that is the small fearful part of us that believes there is never enough and that there is always something wrong) will have us believe that everything OUT THERE is happening to us randomly, and from this place we become very ensconced in the world around us, and reactive.

Our True Self (our whole being that is soul-connected, source-connected and Higher Self-connected) knows that we create everything and that the outside world is just a movie that is being played out just for us – reflecting back to us all our beliefs, thoughts and feelings.

Everything that is working positively in our lives is reflecting back to us where we have beliefs, thoughts and feelings that are in alignment with the Universal Laws and Who We Really Are, and the negative happenings are reflecting back to us the areas where we are out of alignment with the Universal Laws and Who We Really Are.
And Who We Really Are is a Being of Infinite Potential! We have all the resources within us to create blissful, meaningful lives. We just haven’t been raised to believe this, and we haven’t grown up in a world that has told us this.

When we are in a state of self-awareness, we are the observer watching the movie – the movie of our life – and we become aware of our actions, our reactions, our thoughts and our feelings. We begin to know that we have choice in each and every moment – we can choose to respond to something rather than react, we can choose to change our thoughts, and we can choose to change the underlying beliefs that are driving our lives and creating our reality. But first we must learn to observe.

As you probably know, a lot of the work I do is based on uncovering self-limiting beliefs, examining them and then re-aligning them to The Truth of Who You Really Are.
I’ll give you an example. The belief “I’m not good enough” is a belief that we all hold to some degree. If you are believing this at the very core of you, it will bleed into every aspect of your life. You will be creating situations and drawing people to you that reflect back to you that you are not good enough.

I want you to do something right now – think of a situation in your life that is causing you pain or struggle and ask yourself “how does it make me feel?” You may reply:

• It makes me feel unloved
• It makes me feel I’m not good enough
• It makes me feel hopeless
• It makes me feel rejected
• It makes me feel angry.

Whatever your response, underlying that feeling will be thoughts, and underlying the thoughts will be a core belief that (referring to the above statements)
• I’m not lovable
• I’m not good enough
• There is no hope
• I’m bound to be rejected
• It shouldn’t be this way (resistance to the What Is).

Negative situations are there to show us what we need to heal in ourselves. Our ego mind would have us believe that the other person or the situation is “the problem”. Then we go into battle with it.
When we are self-aware we gain self-knowledge. Knowing ourselves is taking responsibility for our lives. We realise we are not our ego; instead we get to observe our ego – its attachment to things and people, its attachment to outcomes and its love of being right, winning, status, power, control and greed.
Without self-knowledge we are doomed to a non-transformational life, repeating patterns and blaming others.

“Self-knowledge is a process. So, to understand the innumerable problems that each one of us has, is it not essential that there be self-knowledge? And that is one of the most difficult things – self-awareness – which does not mean an isolation, a withdrawal. Obviously, to know oneself is essential, but to know oneself does not imply a withdrawal from relationship. And it would be a mistake surely to think that one can know oneself significantly, completely, fully, through isolation, through exclusion or by going to some psychologist, or to some priest, or that one can learn self-knowledge through a book. Self-knowledge is obviously a process, not an end in itself, and to know oneself, one must be aware of oneself in action, which is relationship. You discover yourself, not in isolation, not in withdrawal, but in relationship – in relationship to society, to your wife, your husband, your brother, to man, but to discover how you react, what your responses are, requires an extraordinary alertness of mind, a keenness of perception … Self-knowledge is the discovery from moment to moment of the ways of the self, its intentions and pursuits, its thoughts and appetites.” – J. Krishnamurti


You don’t have to meditate to become self-aware – in fact, many people meditate without self-awareness. They wonder why their meditation is not having a positive impact on their lives and that is why!
Here are six simple ways to begin bringing self-awareness into your life:

Practise presence – Whenever you can, become aware of the present moment – right here, right now – and simply observe. See if you can observe without thought. Set an alarm on your phone about 3 times a day to remind you to make contact with the present moment right now.

Pay attention to your breath – This is a great way to become more present. Again, if you’re new to this, set an alarm on your phone 3 times daily.

Feel your body – The body loves to be felt. The body is not the busy ego-mind. The body is constantly talking to us – we must make the time to listen. When we connect in with our bodies, we are disconnecting from our busy ego-mind.

Observe nature – Every Universal Law is packed into nature. Simply by sitting and observing nature, you are connecting in with the All That Is. Sit at the beach and watch the ocean, observe a tree, watch the birds.

Meditation/Yoga – If you do either of these, do them in a self-observant way. Notice your breath, feel your bodily sensations, observe your thoughts. Stay present.

Do something creative – Have you noticed that when you are fully engaged in a create activity, you can feel totally present and connected, and the ego mind falls away. This is why those mindfulness colouring-in books are so popular. Paint, write, build, decorate, sew, knit – whatever gives you joy creatively, make some time to do it.

Creating from the Inside Out

The basic premise of meditation is:

Look after your inside world – because it will automatically look after your outside world.

Whatever is happening inside of us will be reflected in our outside world. How can we expect harmonious relationships and events flowing smoothly when inside we feel worried, anxious or in conflict? The more inner peace we feel on the inside, the more this will be reflected back to us in our outside world.

This doesn’t mean that we’re not going to be challenged. Challenges are inbuilt into every life, and wherever we are challenged in our lives right now, is the very area where we are meant to grow. But what we will find when we begin a regular meditation practice, is that the way we see problems and deal with problems begins to transform, because our awareness has expanded. We begin to experience a spaciousness between “us” and the problem. The aware part of ourselves – the “observer” – allows a space between what is happening and our reaction to it.

And this is true personal power – knowing that we have a choice in each and every moment as to how we respond. Our ego mind, the fearful earth-bound part of ourselves loves to react, not respond. The ego mind is fearful, and whenever we react out of fear, or make a decision out of fear, the result of that reaction is unlikely to be in our highest good. When we are in our ego mind we are not conscious. I’m sure you’ve experienced that feeling of being triggered and reacting immediately. At the time it feels really good, but later you regret what you said or did.

Meditation is all about taming our ego minds. The ego mind will always be there, but it’s the higher self that we are accessing when we are meditating. When the higher self begins to take charge, we begin to have more positive control over our lives.

Through meditation, we transcend the limited, fearful ego mind and we tap into our Higher Self, the part of us that is connected the Source.

Many of us still believe that it’s a random world and universe and things just “happen” and are beyond our control. This is the victim mentality. More and more, we are opening up to the knowledge that we actually create everything – some of it consciously, some of it unconsciously. We are far more powerful than what we realise and our thoughts and feelings are powerful creators.

Anxiety is epidemic in our modern western world. Most of us have a constant low-lying hysteria, fed by fearful thoughts and toxic emotions. The more anxious and worried we are, the more we create the very things that we are fearing. Fear is a powerful creator. Through learning to sit with our fear or with whatever comes up, and meet it with neutrality, we find a miracle starts to happen. We no longer feel as fearful. Anxiety – which is a fear of the future – is fuelled by our ego mind.

When we commune with the Source on a regular basis, we access the vibration of love. There are only two vibrations – love and fear. When we are in the vibration of love, we access the Universal Flow and are able to draw to us everything we need in each and every moment. Have you ever noticed that when you feel good, life just seems to flow, problems resolve easily and synchronicities and coincidences happen to help you? Conversely, when you feel anxious and fearful, problems seem to get worse, you can feel disconnected and alone and nothing seems to work out?

We are now entering a new paradigm. In our old paradigm, we created at the Newtonian level. That is, it was all about our outside world. The harder we physically worked, the more we achieved. The Newtonian level was all about doing. The human race is evolving and now entering the Quantum field. The Quantum level is all about being. We are now beginning to realise that we are powerful creators and can create from the inside out. Put simply, the more inner peace, happiness and trust we have – which are high vibrational feelings – the more we attract to us high vibrational things such as loving relationships, opportunities, things and events.

Meditation is key in achieving a high vibration, because it creates awareness, and awareness is the first step in healing our lives. Through meditation, we begin to find out who we really are.

In her book “Everyday Grace”, the author Marianne Williamson talks about the value of meditating in the morning.

At the beginning of the day, the mind is most open to receive new impressions. One of the most important things we can do is to take full responsibility for the power of the morning. If you want to have a non-miraculous day, I suggest that newspaper and caffeine form the crux of your morning regimen. Listen to the morning news while you’re in the shower, read the headlines as you are walking out the door and make sure you’re keeping tabs on everything: the wars, the economy, the gossip, the natural disasters … but if you want the day ahead to be full of miracles, then spend some time each morning with God.”

(Some of us don’t believe in “God” per se, and that’s okay. To me God is just another name for the Divine Source or the Universe or the Universal Energy. It’s really all the same thing.) She goes on to say:

Our greatest weakness is the weakness of an undisciplined mind. We need not let fear steal the morning. We can consciously choose not to allow our minds to be programmed by the worldly viewpoint that dominates the Earth. We can set our day upon another course. Each of us has an inner room where we can visit to be cleansed of fear-based thoughts and feelings. When we begin our mornings within this room, our mind receives a radiance that illuminates our thinking as we go through our day”.

We can use our meditation time proactively. The twenty minutes doesn’t have to be entirely a mindfulness meditation. We can spend some of this time sending love to those we care about and visualising healing light around them, sending love to our workplace, and consciously blessing all those who we are going to be in contact with that day, whether we know them yet or not. And we must remember to include those we don’t like as well as those we do! Because the Universal Law of Cause and Effect means that whatever we give out comes back to us. And then allow yourself to imagine the life you most long to experience. Bless that image and surround it with light. This is powerfully creative.

What is the state of surrender?

The state of surrender is letting go of any attachment to an outcome. When we are in a state of surrender, there is no sense of pushing for any particular outcome, no sense of forcing or striving or controlling or manipulating. It is a state of being that requires us to be in touch with our True Self, not the small fearful part of ourselves which is our ego mind. Our ego mind is very attached to outcomes, but these are limited outcomes, such as:

  • “I must earn this amount of money”
  • “I need love and affection right now”
  • “I must beat this traffic jam and get to work by 8.30”
  • “If I don’t achieve this, I’ll fail”.

Our True Self is the part of ourselves that is connected to the Divine. It knows that there is a far bigger picture going on than our ego mind will ever understand and it doesn’t think in terms of limitation. The True Self, as opposed to believing in these attachments to outcomes: knows that:

  • “I will always be looked after and I will always have enough money to do what I desire”
  • “I may not be getting love and affection right now, but I can choose to feel love”
  • “I accept that there is a traffic jam and I allow this morning to be what it’s going to be”
  • “Even if I don’t achieve this, I trust that everything will work out fine regardless of outcome”.

Surrender says“I allow everything to be as it is” and it has three essential components:

Faith, Trust and Courage

Faith – faith that the Universe is actually on our side. Whatever we believe, we create. When we have faith that the Universe is on our side and that it is forever propelling us toward our highest good, then we can let go, and not try and force an outcome.

The Universe is on your side!

Trust – only when we have faith can we fully trust. When we trust, we can allow everything around us to be out of control and yet we will still feel anchored. The more we trust in the Divine, the more courage we have.

No matter what is happening on the outside, you can still feel grounded and safe on the inside!

Courage – it actually takes courage to let go and live a surrendered life! Most of us are held back by dogma – the beliefs of the mass consciousness, the expectations of others and by our own limited belief in ourselves. This is why those that do are called spiritual warriors. They fly in the face of convention, and may be judged as naïve, crazy or stupid.

Those who have courage do incredible things! Whether it be on the world stage, or in their own humble form of leadership.


Fear stops us from letting go. All our fears are created out of our ego mind. There is nothing wrong with feeling fear. It is a normal part of the human experience because our ego mind is always going to be a part of us. Some common fears are:

  • Fear of survival
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of being unloved
  • Fear of losing control
  • Fear of loss
  • Fear of humiliation

The danger comes when we are in denial of our fear. This is when we build a hardened shell around us and try and control everything and everyone around us to keep us feeling safe – the very opposite to the state of surrender.

The more aware we are of our fears, the more we are able to face them!

When we can face our fears, we can surrender them. Courage doesn’t mean that we don’t feel any fear; courage is:

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

The more fears we face and let go of, the more we grow and expand. The Buddhists call this True Fearlessness.

Anthony de Mello, an Indian/Irish Catholic Priest turned mystic wrote about awareness and he spoke about surrender. He passed away at age 37 but you can download his talks on the internet for free. He is not only a wonderful spiritual teacher; he’s also very entertaining to listen to. He said:

“Most people don’t want to transform; they just want their toys fixed”

Meaning that their ego mind wants to cling to an outcome, as opposed to standing back and looking at the big picture and asking the most important question, which is

“What is it in me that’s creating my own misery?”

When you answer that question, what you will most certainly find is an attachment to an outcome!

De Mello says:

“Everything is in a mess, and yet all is well”

This is a paradox, and in order to live in surrender we must live in a paradox. Here is the paradox:

We are all creators. To create anything, we must have the intention to create it and work towards creating it, and at the same time surrender the outcome!

This is also known as the Universal Law of Detachment.

Very often, the more attached we are to an outcome, the more it evades us. If we can hold the intention of an outcome and work towards and not away from that outcome, while detaching from it, the sooner it will come to us.

Have you ever noticed that when you’ve wanted something too much it evades you? And yet when you start to forget about it and your attention is focused on something else, the very thing you wanted then manifests. I’m reminded of the old saying:

“A watched pot never boils”

Surrender does not mean that we cannot be intentional creators. It is actually a part of the process of creating intentionally! It doesn’t mean that you don’t work towards what you want, but what you want may not come about in the way you thought it would!!

Surrender is about trusting in the process and having faith that an outcome in your highest good will come about in whatever way it is meant to come about. It’s about not controlling the “how” but enjoying the journey to getting there. It takes patience, presence and optimism.

The Core Beliefs that Sabotage Us

Core beliefs underlie all our thoughts, feelings and actions. Identifying and then challenging these beliefs can not only change how we feel but also transform our approach to life. Assumed to be true, core beliefs often go unnoticed and unchallenged. Through identifying automatic thoughts, we can sometimes uncover the main beliefs that underlie our personalities.

Some core beliefs serve us well, and some don’t. In fact, they affect our lives adversely because we create what we believe. Core beliefs can arise from childhood experiences, inherited attitudes and cultural influences. They can be so deeply entrenched in our psyches that they can be difficult to perceive and change. As many of my clients know, in a coaching session I always have my antennae out for these underlying beliefs. I list below the most common core beliefs that can sabotage us. You may want to read the following descriptions and determine whether any seem characteristic of your personality, and you may be able to relate the belief to a childhood experience or environmental factors. Awareness is the first step to healing.


Beliefs about defectiveness reflect a general sense that we are inherently flawed, incompetent or inferior. People who maintain thoughts characteristic of a defective core belief withdraw from close relationships in fear that others may discover that they are inherently bad. Thoughts that come from a belief we are defective may be: ·

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m inferior
  • I’m stupid
  • I’m useless
  • I’m unattractive
  • I always get it wrong
  • I don’t measure up
  • I’m a failure


When we believe we are unlovable, we may feel we don’t belong and question whether we deserve love or can be loved. We may withdraw from relationships or maintain superficial friendships to avoid the suspected pain that will arise when we are “found out” and, inevitably rejected. This belief can lead to significant feelings of loneliness even in the presence of others. Some related thoughts will be: ·

  • I’m not lovable
  • I’m always left out
  • I’m not important
  • I don’t matter
  • I’m bound to be rejected
  • Nobody wants me


When we hold core beliefs rooted in abandonment, we assume we will lose anyone we get close to. Abandonment and unlovable core beliefs can often be related. If we believe that people will ultimately leave us, we subconsciously set up the very thing we fear. Consequently, people with abandonment beliefs will come across as insecure, needy and seeking reassurance. Examples of thoughts related to abandonment can include: ·

  • People I love will leave me
  • If I assert myself people will leave me
  • I can’t be happy if I’m on my own
  • My partner isn’t interested in me
  • I’m all alone and unsupported


When we hold helplessness or powerlessness beliefs, it can result in feeling a lack of control and an inability to handle anything effectively or independently. We may face difficulties making changes. We may try to compensate by over-controlling our environment or completely giving up control. Some common thoughts reflecting helplessness/powerlessness core beliefs include:

  • I’m helpless/powerless
  • I must have control to be okay
  • I’m weak
  • I’m trapped
  • I’m needy
  • I’m unsuccessful
  • I can’t change
  • I can’t say no


Entitlement core beliefs are related to a feeling of “specialness” that causes us to make demands on others regardless of the effect it has on them. Entitlement is deservedness run amok! Those who maintain an entitlement core belief assume they are superior and deserve a lot of attention or praise. Someone may develop an entitlement core belief to compensate for feeling defective or undesirable. Entitlement beliefs can lead to unreasonable demands that others meet your needs, rule-breaking, and envy and resentment of others who appear to be doing better than us. Some entitlement-related beliefs include: ·

  • If people don’t respect me, I can’t stand it
  • I deserve a lot of attention and praise
  • I’m superior (and am entitled to special treatment and privileges)
  • I can do whatever I like
  • If I don’t excel, I’ll just end up ordinary
  • I am a very special person (and other people should treat me that way)
  • I don’t have to be bound by the rules that apply to other people
  • If others don’t respect me, they should be punished
  • Other people should satisfy my needs
  • Other people don’t deserve the good things that they get
  • People don’t understand/get me (because I am special/brilliant/etc.)


These all reflect similar beliefs and can be addressed as a group. Self-sacrifice beliefs refer to the forfeiting of our own needs in the service of others. We may feel guilty, and compensate by putting the needs of others ahead of their own. Caretakers/sacrificers often believe they are responsible for the happiness of others and apologize excessively. Responsible individuals may take pride in their diligence and dependability, without necessarily feeling a need to care for others or engage in self-sacrifice. People who maintain core beliefs rooted in caretaking, responsibility, or self-sacrifice may have felt overly responsible for family members in their youth. Related thoughts include:

  • I have to do everything perfectly
  • If I make a mistake, it means I’m careless/a failure/etc. ·
  • I’ve done something wrong
  • I have to do everything myself
  • I’m responsible for everyone and everything
  • If I care enough, I can fix him/her/this
  • I can’t trust or rely on another person ·
  • I’m only worthwhile if I’m helping other people
  • Doing things for myself is selfish
  •  It’s my fault

It’s important to realise that if you have any of the above thought patterns, know that they are NOT true; they are simply thoughts resulting from beliefs that are NOT true that come from a combination of childhood experiences, and environmental and cultural factors. Some people believe these ideas so strongly that they cannot see the untruths underlying them. Because core beliefs are often borne in childhood, they may reflect messages communicated by family members. While it can be helpful to determine their origin, it’s not necessary. Recognizing the beliefs can be an excellent first step. Coaching, energy and forensic healing are effective ways to clear sabotaging core beliefs and re-align you to the truth.


Balance is the key

“If only I had more time”

“I wish I was earning more money”

“I’d like to be less busy”

“I know when I have that, I’ll be happy”

Most of us feel like this at least some times. We think that if we have more of something or less of something, then we’ll be happy. The truth is, we now live in a world of too much, following millennia of too little. We are still in the mindset of constantly striving for more – we are living in bigger houses, we have an overload of information, we are eating too much and desire to own more things. We assume we will succeed by communicating more, working more, making more money and owning more things. But “more” no longer works as a strategy professionally or personally. It just makes us more and more busy and not fulfilled!


“Busy” doesn’t mean successful. A lot of “busy-ness” is driven by a sense of helplessness – that we have no control nor choice over our lives – “If I do more, I’ll be successful and therefore happy”. What we need to be aiming for is sustained focused attention, deep engagement in conversations and activities that matter to us and having the space to think and enjoy a moment. And all we ever have is the moment – so we may as well enjoy it!

If you are too busy – if almost every moment is taken up with a commitment – your life is going to be out of balance.

The most common areas where people struggle with maintaining balance are:

Career – work Vs home life

Relationships – connection Vs space for self

Children – rules Vs freedom

Health – daily demands Vs time to self

Things – too much Vs too little

Time – busy Vs boredom*

We know our lives are out of balance when we get ill, if we are feeling stressed, if our relationships are strained, if we have mounting debt or are experiencing any kind of crisis.

Creating balance in our lives takes self-awareness and it’s something that only we can do for ourselves. No one will do it for us, because no one completely has our best interests at heart except ourselves – not our boss, not our kids, not even our partner! I know that sounds unkind but it’s true – everyone in our lives will have their own agenda to some degree.

Balance can only be created when we begin to establish a healthy relationship with ourselves! It is created on the inside first! It may seem that all the imbalance is happening on the outside, but it’s first created on the inside. Therefore the more peaceful, calm and spacious we feel on the inside, the more we will create it on the outside. The more loving and accepting we are of ourselves, the more balanced our lives will become. Taking time out for ourselves to re-balance is a valuable investment – activities such as meditation, time in nature, prayer, quiet contemplation, yoga, writing, an artistic pursuit – all these activities help bring us back to ourselves and to reconnect with who we really are.

I mentioned “boredom” a little earlier.  Boredom is the fertile ground for creativity! We are all so addicted to busy-ness and afraid of stopping because we are not sure what will happen if we do. We are afraid that if we stop, we’re going to fail. We can’t see that if we stop, we may discover something that we couldn’t see before because we were so busy!

So allow some empty moments and make friends with the moment. The most important relationship you will ever have is with the present moment! You just may find it’s where the treasures lie.



The loneliness of transformation

When we begin the journey of self-transformation, not only does the relationship with ourselves change; our relationships with other people and situations change as well . The people who we once resonated with may no longer interest us; what we want to put into our bodies may change and we may become more conscious of how we spend our time and whether or not it’s serving us. As a result, some relationships may become strained. We may try and work through those issues with partners or friends, but some people will exit our lives. Sometimes we need to let go of certain relationships, or a job we don’t want to work in anymore, and it takes great courage to walk away from the known into the unknown. In fact, it can feel like the very ground from under us has gone. It’s not uncommon during this period of letting go to feel as if you’re in a void. You’ve let go of what you’ve needed to let go of, but the new hasn’t come in yet. In short, personal transformation often involves loneliness. At times we may feel like it’s always going to be this way, but this is not usually the case. I believe that the experience of being alone is a necessary part of the journey, because it is only through being alone that we can focus on the relationship we have with ourselves.

If you’re feeling lonely, learn to accept it. Don’t try to fight it or fix it. Just allow the feeling to be there. Get to know it. Become aware of calling friends or going out to avoid the feeling of loneliness. Are you seeing them because you want to see them or are you seeing them because you are feeling lonely? When you learn to love your own company, you won’t ever be lonely! Our ego mind can convince us that painful feelings such as loneliness are life threatening, but they aren’t! They’re just feelings, and our feelings are not who we are. As you sit with the feeling, allow yourself to become friends with it. Send the feeling love. Notice any thoughts that come up. The ego mind will love to tell you how alone and unsupported you are, but that’s just a thought, and a thought is not who you are. You are so much more than the thought. I believe in doing this with any negative emotion – embrace it, feel it, get into it and send it love. That way you are not repressing the emotion or trying to push it away.

Some people may find themselves alone for a long time. The question is are they blocking love/friendship from coming into their lives on the subconscious level, or is this the way it’s meant to be? For some, they are unconsciously blocking a relationship or new friendships, and this is where they must examine their negative beliefs.

I’ll give you an example. Sarah underwent a spiritual transformation that resulted in the end of her marriage, because her husband refused to grow and they no longer had anything in common. She found a job that she loved and was promoted within the first year. For the first time in years she felt successful in her own right, but she also felt lonely and wanted a relationship. She had met men socially and through dating websites but she never felt anyone was right for her. During our session, I picked up a belief: “I can’t have a relationship and be successful”. Remember that whatever we believe becomes our reality. Sarah was avoiding going deeper with anyone she met because she believed, deep down, that it would sabotage her newly found career. So I did a process with her that negated that belief and we replaced it with “I can have a relationship and be successful”.

If we are holding fear around entering into a new relationship, the fear will sabotage what we want. Many of us have fears – fear of failure, fear of further pain, fear of abandonment. If you think you’re holding fear, write down all your fears, and each day say to yourself “I am willing to release and let go of these fears”.

Jenny came to see me because she felt she couldn’t find her spiritual match. Sometimes we can get so caught up in an image of who we’re supposed to be with or what it’s supposed to look like, that we miss the golden opportunities right in front of us.

Jenny told me that her house painter was a lovely man who she felt a connection with, but she couldn’t possibly go out with a house painter! Socially he was beneath her – even though they had wonderful conversations, shared similar values and he was the nicest guy she’d met in ages.

“Jenny, you’ve told me you want to meet your spiritual match, not your financial equal or your social equal or your career equal. That’s all ego stuff!”

The more present and in the now we are, the more open and receptive we are to the gift in the present moment.

So if you are feeling lonely, or hopeless about a future partnership or future connections, and want to bring your new life to you, here are a few simple steps to follow:

  1. Practise gratitude – for yourself, and all the positive aspects of your life.
  2. Practise acceptance of any present moment – if you’re feeling lonely, become friends with it and learn to be your own best friend.
  3. Feel love – for yourself, what you have, for the beauty of nature, art, your cat, whatever and whomever opens your heart. The more love you feel, the more love will be sent to you.
  4. Visualise regularly what it is you want until you are in the feeling state of it.

And remember, the more you fall in love with your own life just the way it is, the better it will get.

What is Mindfulness and Shenpa?

Mindfulness is a way of being – an awareness process. It is not a thinking process. The human mind – our ego mind – has taken over from our pure awareness. By practising mindfulness, we get in touch with our direct experience. When we do this, every moment is new and fresh and not tainted with memories of the past or fearful thinking.

Mindfulness is the perfect state to be in. If you are wanting to grow and work on yourself, or if you are seeking healing and self-development from others, mindfulness is the route through which you will evolve, because it is the state of awareness and it is only through awareness that we can recognise what is happening and bring about change.

We all have triggers – times when we may feel a strong emotional reaction – and we get hooked. These feelings and the impulse to react to them can be very strong and seductive  These triggers are known in Buddhist terms as Shenpa. Your shenpa may be anger, or the urge to run from something; it may be the temptation to reach for an addiction, or to do something that feels good at the time, but in the long-run sabotages us.

We all get set off from time to time – we think, hear, see, smell or taste something that we really, really like or we really, really dislike…and suddenly we’re hooked.

Once we’re hooked, we feel uneasy, restless, and grasping for something solid to hold onto, and as a result we tighten up and shut down because whatever’s happening around us is way too uncomfortable to just be with directly. Who wants to feel tender, vulnerable, or open when it’s safer and more familiar to feel on guard, protected, and strong?

It’s at this point that the shenpa storm hits!

Shenpa is a Tibetan word meaning “attachment” but let’s just refer to it as “being hooked”.

What normally accompanies shenpa is a desperate urge to alleviate the shaky feeling that’s arisen. You know you’re experiencing shenpa when you have an almost uncontrollable urge to run away from what’s going on right now, or if you explode in anger or indulge in an addiction. We feel the urge to do something – anything – but feel the discomfort that’s come up in us. And while this discomfort is nothing to be afraid of, it feels so unnerving  that our brains search desperately for ways to quench the flames that arise from our fearful and doubtful minds.

The ways in which we do this can vary tremendously. Once we feel hooked we may resort to cigarettes, alcohol, passivity, sex, food, enabling, harsh speech, laughter, violence, defensiveness, or even getting sleepy as a way of withdrawing. In fact all that is really happening is the true nature of reality being viewed through our delusional coloured glasses!

What makes this process so tricky to work with is that the behaviors we normally engage in to appease the demands of our shenpa really do seem to work…initially. But the short-term relief brought about this way is just a temporary bandaid for a deeper, ongoing mind state that will continue to arise as long as we refuse to deal with it directly and not be so beholden to the trigger.

In short, the more we give in to our shenpa, the more we re-create shenpa-inducing situations! We create a negative pattern.

There are five ways we can work with shenpa so that instead of closing ourselves us off from our lives, we can engage them with more intimacy, clarity, and effectiveness.

  1. Know what hooks you. This is where awareness comes in – the triggers that cause us to want to shut down and run away may seem endless, but the more aware we are of what puts us in these states, the better equipped we are to deal with them in the future.
  2. Know what you tend to do once you’re hooked. The more clear we are on what habitual behaviors we engage in as a response to feeling groundless, insecure, or uneasy, the less likely we are to engage in those unproductive and potentially harmful auto-responses again in the future.
  3. Practice sitting with uneasiness. Meditation practice is a wonderful method for observing impermanence and groundlessness up close and personal. When we understand fundamental groundlessness through a direct experience of it, it becomes a source of gratitude rather than resistance. When we are able to cultivate grace within groundlessness by fully settling into things as they are, no matter what they are, the underlying changeability of things that initially seemed so frightening becomes the ultimate tool for awakening and being fully alive. Learning to simply stay and not respond is where the healing is.
  4. Drop the story, stay with the energy. Feel the physical sensations of your shenpa. Notice the stickiness of the thoughts that come up and go back to the physical feeling.
  5. Breathe into the heart chakra. As you feel the sensations, focus on your breath and breathe into the heart. This creates a feeling of space around the shenpa.
  6. Give yourself compassion and gratitude. Rather than berate yourself for having shenpa, practise compassion for yourself and others. The more you become aware of your own shenpa and have compassion for yourself for having it, the more compassion you can cultivate for others and their shenpa, because we all have shenpa. Be thankful for your awareness that has noticed the shenpa, because without the awareness you wouldn’t be able to change.
  7. Be kind to yourself, expect relapses and remember it’s all a journey. This isn’t easy! It is the hardest thing to master. You will have good days and bad days, five steps forward and five steps back, then five steps forward and four and a half steps back. It’s all a process and you’re going to have slip-ups.

Many Buddhists monks who have been meditating for years are still working on their shenpa. Over time, not indulging in the compulsive, reflexive behavior and thoughts becomes the new habit. Just be sure not to develop another avoidance mechanism in its place.

If you’re experiencing a shenpa storm, whether it be anger, anxiety, temptation or whatever version of shenpa happens to come your way, just learn to STAY. There is no need to flee or to react. It’s possible to observe the visceral quality of this experience with the same sense of wonder and interest we might have towards watching wild waves in the ocean from a distance. We can observe, but not be in it.

By realizing that our experiences of shenpa aren’t going to last forever and therefore don’t have to take us over, we can cultivate a different way of relating to whatever hooks us so that we’re no longer quite so beholden to our triggers.

This leads to healing our negative patterns and sabotages, relationships and our lives in general.


Challenges are taking you to where you need to go!

“Why do I keep being challenged? Why do I feel that something is always blocking me from moving forward? Just when I think I’m getting somewhere, there’s another problem!”

Do you ever feel this way? I know I certainly have, and it’s only recently that I’ve gotten full clarity on all this. Sure, I’ve heard it said and have said many times to my clients “problems are tools to teach yourself what works and what doesn’t” and “challenges come along to help you grow”. What I’ve come to realise is this: Challenges are part of the creation process! Whenever we put out an intention, the Universe orchestrates a series of events that allow this to happen, and in order for us to have this desire, we must clear in ourselves what is blocking this manifestation from happening.

Events, situations and people that challenge us present themselves to us so that we can clear an illusion that we may be holding. For example, a person desires to have more wealth and financial freedom, and instead of this coming to them, they experience the very opposite. Perhaps they lose their job or an important stream of income dries up. This event has been sent by the Universe so that the person faces their fear about not having enough, because if they’re in fear they are not likely to manifest their dream. The situation forces them to find the creative resources within themselves to adapt to the situation, and perhaps realise that even without that main source of income, they will find a way to survive, and maybe even flourish. It’s as if the Universe wants to force the person out of their comfort zone so as to face their own sense of “not enough” and realise that they are going to be fine, and with this, comes an ability to trust and a letting go of fear – the ideal vibration for manifesting.

Another example may be that a person wants to manifest a loving relationship, but instead of this, they meet a conman. The Universe has presented this in order that they heal the part of themselves that attracted this person. Sociopaths and other low-vibration people prey on good people who give too much and may have low self-worth. This person comes into the other’s life in order to teach them about themselves and heal their self-worth issues, thus clearing the way for the ideal partner and relationship.

It’s all perfect! So don’t beat yourself up if you’re being challenged. Don’t say “Why me?” Ask yourself “Why is this happening to me and what am I meant to learn here?” When you embrace the lesson, you clear the path to your dreams.

Setting your intentions for 2015

As we near the end of 2014, perhaps you are reflecting on the year you have had – the challenges, the gains and the losses … and thinking about what 2015 holds for you.

Remember that you are a creator and that you have the ability and power to manifest what it is you desire, as long as you are willing to let go of any limiting beliefs, and that what you desire is in alignment with your highest good and the highest good of all.

Follow the sacred ritual below to start 2015 intentionally!
Before New Year –

Write down the best things that happened for you in 2014. Be in gratitude and give thanks to the Universe for these things. Get into the feeling state of gratitude.

And then write down the worst things that happened in 2014 – disappointments from others and any mistakes you feel you have made, and reflect on them. Ask yourself:

“What was my lesson from this experience?”
“In what ways have I grown because of it?”.

List the lessons and the ways that you have grown personally. Be in gratitude (yes I realise this can be challenging!) and say the following prayer for Divine Compensation*:

“I realise that everything happens for a reason. I fully own my mistakes and I am willing and open to take in all the lessons that I am meant to learn. I forgive myself and others*. Thank you for the opportunity to grow and become more, and for delivering to me my Divine Compensation*”.

If you wish, burn this list, indicating to the Universe that you are now fully letting it go, clearing the past and inviting in a new beginning.

* Divine Compensation is what the Universe sends us as our reward when we fully learn a lesson and grow.
* Forgiveness does not mean that we say it’s okay that we were wronged; forgiveness is a conscious choice to let go of a wrong done to us and our own toxic emotions around it, and move on.

Write a list of everything you wish for yourself in 2015 and then ask yourself the following questions:

“Is it OK to have it?”
“Do I feel deserving of this?”
“Is it in my highest good?”
“Is it in the highest good of all?”

If you reply no to any of the above questions, examine the misalignment and explore any negative beliefs you are holding. Thank the Universe in advance for these gifts, and let the Universe know that you are willing to clear and heal any limiting beliefs that are blocking these things coming to you. Put the list either in a Miracle Box*, amongst crystals or bury it in the garden to “grow”. Be sure to find it at the end of 2015 and review how your creation skills have come along. I have just read my list from last year and could see that my biggest challenge last year was actually necessary in order to create my number one goal. I had to have something stripped away from me, so as to let go of a limiting belief and achieve my main goal. So there’s a lesson in not judging what happens to us as good or bad – in hindsight, the big picture reveals itself to us!

Happy New Year to you and may 2015 be your best year ever.

Healing tips for Christmas

Christmas can be a fraught time of year for many of us – particularly if we have lost a loved one, have experienced a break-up, are experiencing financial hardship or have difficult family members to deal with

… or all of the above!

Whatever our issues, Christmas has a way of magnifying them – be it positive or negative. Here are some quick and easy healing tips to help you enjoy the festive season.

  1. Look after yourself before you take care of anyone else. The better you feel and the more energy you have, the more able you are going to be to cope with whatever Christmas throws at you. Look after your liver if you’re drinking more than usual by drinking lemon juice and warm water first thing every morning and hydrate regularly with water. I know I go on about meditation a lot, but if you can meditate for even five minutes a day, you will feel a difference. 20 minutes is the ideal.
  2. Stay mindful. The energy on the roads and in the shopping centres is frantic leading up to Christmas. By being fully present and imagining a bubble of white light all around you to protect your own energy you won’t get caught up in the craziness.
  3. Be the eye of the storm. If you have difficult family members to deal with on Christmas Day, imagine being “the eye of the storm”. You don’t have to be a part of the storm! You can be the still, calm eye of the storm.
  4. Spend less and focus more on experiences and the senses. Studies have shown that happiness levels have little to do with spending more or having more. Whether or not you are financially constrained, you will find that by focusing on beautiful experiences (an outing to see the Christmas lights, decorating a Christmas tree while listening to your favourite music, mindfully preparing a Christmas meal with love, deeply engaging with loved ones) and focusing less on “stuff” (expensive presents, organic ham, turkey and champagne that cost a week’s wages!), your Christmas will be a rich one.
  5. Change traditions. If you have experienced the death of a loved one, a break-up, a divorce or any form of loss, Christmas can be a dreaded time of year. Realise that Christmas doesn’t have to take the form it always has. You can create whatever kind of Christmas you feel will help you through the season. If you are alone, plan something to treat yourself – it doesn’t have to be Christmassy – or help out at a soup kitchen. Don’t be frightened of being alone and feeling the sadness. Remember the true spiritual reason behind Christmas – hope and rebirth.

Wishing you every happiness for Christmas and the New Year.

The myth that love hurts

We have heard it in songs, we have read about it in novels and, to some extent, we probably believe it – that love hurts, and that to fall in love is to also fall into pain. But it’s not the love that hurts us; it’s the fear of losing love. This is the double-edged sword of loving. The more strong our feelings for the other person and the more invested we become in a relationship, very often the greater our fear becomes of losing that person. Fear is the very opposite of love, and from the vibration of fear comes feelings, words and actions that are also the opposite of love – the negative emotions of jealousy or anger  if we feel our relationship is threatened, the behaviours of control and manipulation so as to ensure the other person stays with us or acts in a way that doesn’t threaten us, or caretaking behaviours to ensure the other person becomes dependent upon us.

Relationships bring up in us the aspects of ourselves that need healing. If we have no sense of our own self worth, we will look for it from our partner, but partners have bad days and aren’t always going to affirm us! So often we put certain expectations on a relationship in the belief that it should look a certain way, or progress in a particular manner and when this doesn’t happen, we feel let down and disappointed, and respond in a way that is less than loving, and a desire to change the other person. However, to truly love, we must be willing to ALLOW A RELATIONSHIP TO BE WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE! If it’s not what you want, walk away. Do not waste energy struggling, fighting and trying to change what is, because this isn’t love.

Khalil Gibran describes beautifully what love is in The Prophet:

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

We are here to learn what love is and what love isn’t. Love doesn’t hurt. Fear hurts, and it brings with it the toxic emotions of anger, jealousy, abandonment, rejection and hatred and the destructive patterns of power and control, manipulation, caretaking/co-dependency, neediness and game-playing.

Moving away from fear and into love is a process. It takes PERSONAL AWARENESS – becoming conscious of when you are slipping into fear and exploring within yourself WHY you are slipping into fear. You will usually be able to locate the thought which stems from a negative belief. Examine the thought or the belief and ask yourself how true this really is. We create everything from our thoughts and beliefs! If the belief isn’t serving you, create a new belief!

For example, you find yourself feeling rejected and angry because your partner hasn’t called you in two days. Behind the feelings of anger and rejection, there is a thought. Perhaps the thought is “he doesn’t think I’m important enough to call me”.  Now ask yourself “What do I have to believe to feel and think this way?”. You may be carrying a belief that you’re not important. Examine the belief – is this really true? You’ve probably been holding this belief for a long time and CREATING many scenarios that show you that you are not important enough. Change the belief! If you have incarnated on Earth, then you ARE important enough! Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are important. As you begin to believe this, your energy changes and from this, your experiences change. Your partner may begin to call you more often OR he may continue to be the same and you realise that his treatment is not good enough for you now, and you choose to move on.

Notice that I have not suggested that you say to your partner “I’m upset because you didn’t call me”. This is because statements like these only MAGNIFY the belief that you’re not important enough and focus on the very thing you don’t want. It doesn’t inject love into the relationship, but neediness.

Never argue for your limitations! You are an expansive being of limitless potential to transform, to love and to be loved.

Learn to soothe yourself, and then ask yourself “What would love do now?. By focusing on love, and not fear, you can choose action that is in your highest good and the highest good of the relationship.

Mindfulness Meditation

Sit comfortably with your spine straight. It doesn’t matter if you are leaning against a wall, in a chair or sitting in the lotus position. Close your eyes and feel your own presence. Feel you inside yourself, and come home to yourself. Notice any outside sounds and listen without judgment. And now bring your attention to your breath. Simply notice the sensation of breathing – the feeling of cool air as it enters your nostrils, the sensation in your diaphragm as you breathe out. Continue to simply focus on your breathing.

As thoughts enter your mind, notice them but override them by focusing back on the breath. If any irritations come up – acknowledge them, but again re-focus back on your breath. If you find your mind drifting off on a fantasy or hooking into a story, don’t try and push it away – simply focus back on the breath. If your ego mind tries to convince you that you are wasting your time, and that there are far more pressing things to do, override it with your breath. Do this for 20 minutes every day – preferably in the morning before you consume caffeine or a heavy meal. The greatest obstacle to meditation is the commitment to do it regularly. It’s far more beneficial to meditate every day for a short period than to do it intermittently for long periods. No matter what your experience during your meditation, you will be amazed at the difference it will make to your everyday life. Through meditation, you access the Source Energy and bring it into your everyday life.

Practising mindfulness in our everyday lives means to perform consciously all activities, including everyday automatic activities such as breathing, walking, driving, eating etc., and to assume the attitude of “pure observation” through which clear knowledge, that is clearly conscious thinking and acting, is attained.

Mindfulness is the opposite of being stuck on automatic pilot!

Mindfulness is a meditative path evolved from the Buddhist practice of vipassana. It is not a technique; it is a state of awareness. The state of mindfulness is the result of a deliberate choice to be fully aware of what is happening. You drop your defences and choose to take what comes. Since some of the stuff that comes up may be negative, you need compassion and nonviolence towards yourself.

Most of the time, our clear or quiet mind is cluttered with noisy chatter. Awareness lowers that noise. In a state of mindfulness, you pay attention to the present moment and as you do, the other things fall away. When the mind has become silent, when you have lowered the noise, then the signal that is the beauty and reality of spirit will simply emerge. That signal is always present, but as the raging sea prevents us from seeing beneath the waves, the signal of quiet spirit is often hidden by the noise we make.

Mindfulness meditation is a skill and involves the training of our attention. It has great therapeutic value in preventing depression (hence it is used widely now by psychologists in cognitive therapy), reactivity, stress, conflict and other life-drainers.

For many of us, our thought space can get taken up with worrying about the future, fears from the past and reacting to the world based on internal judgments, criticisms, anxieties and other feelings that overwhem us. Ironically, the process of paying attention to challenging emotions actually allows more space for changing their negative impact, and for positive experiences to flourish and be embraced. Mindfulness meditation draws our attention away from the internal analytical dialogue

Make contact with the present moment, come back to the here and now, notice what you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. Engage fully in whatever you are doing.

Imagine the many forms of water and throwing a stone in – surf, a running river or a still pond. Our aim when we meditate is to create a still pond, so that we can see the ripples the stone creates. When our mind is clear, we are able to choose what the Buddhists call “Divine Right Action”.


Why meditate?

In our busy modern world, now, more than ever, an emphasis on spiritual introspection is what we need,. Many of us are discovering that happiness and contentment aren’t going to be found “out there”. We can either learn to quiet the mind and find our contentment and completion from within, or we can continue on the path of looking for these things outside of ourselves, hoping that the new car or the new lover will give us fulfilment.

Many people tell me “I can’t meditate”. What they actually mean is, “When I begin to meditate, my mind won’t be quiet”. The truth is that we can all meditate; it’s our attachment to an outcome and our expectation of what meditation is supposed to be that keeps us from establishing a meditation routine. The fact is, when anyone starts the practice of meditation, their mind is going to be busy. Our “ego mind” has taken over our being, and blocked our access to our “True Self”, but with commitment and discipline to a meditation practice you will see changes.

If you commit to 20 minutes of meditation each day and sit through your “ego mind” trying everything and anything to sabotage your stillness (and it will) you will reap the benefits of meditation, because it is the intention more than the outcome that counts here.

Why meditate? The question should be “why not meditate?” Here are some of the benefits of meditation:

  • Mental clarity
  • Decreased stress and anxiety
  • Increased energy
  • Increased joy and happiness
  • Better sleep
  • Clearing of emotional blocks
  • Improved physical and mental health
  • Greater intuition
  • Conquering addictions.

In my next post I will give you a very simple but powerful way to meditate – Mindfulness.



Be true to yourself in relationships

A common belief that some of us have is that we must be true to our partner and our relationship before we are true to ourselves. Many people “lose themselves” in relationships, and this is the very reason why. The people with the most happy and fulfilling relationships are the ones who know and love  themselves and don’t sacrifice their needs and desires for the sake of the other. Many of us were brought up with this idea that it’s noble and good to sacrifice one’s own needs for the happiness of the other person. There is a lot of pressure on women that, in order to be a “good wife/mother” she must be selfless. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and you only have to look at the faces of women who have been doing this for years to see the pain, resentment and often “downtrodden-ness” that grows. Not only this, but her partner doesn’t grow and takes her “for granted”, let alone the children who also learn to take and expect their needs and problems to be solved by Mum on a regular basis. Being selfless is negating yourself; it’s telling the Universe and everyone around you that you don’t feel you matter – so the Universe sends you more experiences that negate you and tell you that you don’t matter.

Putting yourself and your needs first isn’t selfishness. In fact, it’s the opposite. The more you take care of your own needs, the less insecure and demanding you will be in a relationship. Selfishness is expecting others to go out of their way for you.

I am all for loving and supportive relationships. It is a wonderful thing to love and give to another and to want to make their life better, but this should only ever be done when it’s not at cost to oneself! The most important relationship we have is the relationship with ourselves. When we love and respect ourselves, we will attract into our life people who love and respect us, and we will be willing to flick anyone who doesn’t love and respect us in a healthy way. We’ll also have healthy boundaries and won’t compromise our values for anybody. When we have low self-worth and feel we are not enough, we will act out this belief by feeling we must give far more than is necessary so as to be loved, and we allow our boundaries to be walked all over. We’re also more likely to attract a partner who demands and takes, and gives little in return.

When we know ourselves, and love and respect ourselves, we begin to make choices that are in our highest good. And guess what? When we make choices in our highest good, they are automatically in everyone else’s highest good. A person who wants to be the very best version of themself will be an inspiring partner and parent.  Someone who loves themself and is living life to their full potential is going to attract a similar person, and when this happens, POW! There is exponential synergy!

Shakespeare told us:

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

So if you’re not already, start a love affair with yourself, get to know yourself and what you value and live by these values. This is your framework for your life, and if a potential partner appears, or a current partner challenges you, stay in your framework! If they respect the framework, then you’re on a good thing.

Forgiveness heals the forgiver

“Not forgiving is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Nelson Mandela

Forgiveness is essential if we want to move forward in our lives. I’ve met many people who are struggling to create a good life and underneath this block is the unwillingness to forgive someone in their past – whether it be a parent, an ex-partner or a friend. Sometimes they need to forgive themselves. Because they haven’t let go of the old wound, they are carry the baggage of toxic emotions around. If you’ve seen any of Masaru Emoto’s work with water crystals, you’ll know that toxic emotions have a profound negative effect on water … and we are mostly water.Toxic emotions are, basically, deadly. In order to feel joyful and optimistic and manifest what we desire, we must let go of toxic emotions.

Many people confuse forgiveness with forcing an “It’s ok, I’m over it” and allowing the relationship with the person to continue. This isn’t forgiveness. Forgiveness is acknowledging what happened and what was done to you, taking in any lessons you learned from the situation and then consciously letting go of the hurt, anger, sense of betrayal, abandonment or whatever other toxic emotions you’re holding. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you invite this person back into your life. Ask yourself “What is the lesson in this for me? What is the gift?” … there is always a gift.

If you need to forgive yourself for something you have done, then ask yourself what the lesson is for you, make amends if you can to those affected, and then forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Life is a school and we are here to learn, and we learn from our mistakes (trial and error), not from living perfect lives. By taking in the lesson from your mistake, you know you’ll never repeat it and that you’ve grown. If you don’t forgive yourself, you’ll hold feelings of guilt, shame and self-hatred around with you and punish yourself on an unconscious level in the future.

Forgiveness is probably the greatest human challenge. When we truly accept the other person for who they are, and their actions for what they are, and choose not to take it personally, then we are on our way to forgiveness. You know you’ve forgiven when you feel nothing but neutrality towards the person.  The Buddhists say that life is a series of “disillusionment”, meaning that as we go through life, we experience situations and events that wake us up to reality. When a person can take 100% responsibility for their own life, then forgiveness is much easier to accomplish. Forgiveness can be a process – we can’t always forgive immediately. However when we forgive, we cease being a victim.

So look for the lesson (the gift), move forward, let go of the old hurt and begin to focus on the future you want.

Are you grounded?

If you’re feeling scattered, that you never get enough done, over-think things or are anxious, you may not be grounded. Many of us are connected spiritually (crown chakra) but not humanly. What is grounding? It’s our conscious connection to Mother Earth, and it’s so very important, because we’re spiritual beings having a human experience. Without grounding, we won’t feel centred or safe, we may overthink everything and we’ll be unable to access our intuition, make effective decisions nor manifest what we want. Groundedness is being centred, in the here and now. It’s the opposite of wanting to “get out of it” or escape (addictions).

Think of it this way. Our light force energy flows down through our crown chakra,  into our hara line (the other chakras) and then into Mother Earth, where it anchors us and completes the circuitry. Without that earth anchor, the qi doesn’t flow effectively and this can lead to mental and physical illness.

These are good ways to get grounded:

  • Walk on the earth with your shoes off – every day if possible
  • Mindfulness meditation
  • Stand in the yoga “Mountain Pose” – feet hip-width apart and feel yourself magnetised to, and supported by, the earth
  • Close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine your feet sinking into the soil of the earth, or imagine roots growing out of your feet or base chakra and descending deep into earth. As you breathe in, draw up the “earth energy” and as you breathe out, see the roots descend deeper.

Once you become conscious of being grounded everyday, you will be amazed by the difference in how you feel and what you achieve.

Going through Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce, it’s wise to remind yourself regularly that you are going through what is one of the most stressful times in your life. The writer Elizabeth Gilbert described it as “having a car accident every day for two years” – and two years is the minimum amount of time that you should accept as being a grieving process as well as a person transformation. All transformation begins with loss, and divorce is a series of losses. Loss of a partner, loss of a lifestyle, a home, material possessions, wealth, a family unit leading, very often, to a loss of identity. But like the caterpillar in the cocoon, we must complete dissolve in order to become the butterfly. In this post, I am focusing on the experience of grief associated with divorce.

The grief from a divorce or break-up can be an overwhelming experience. The loss is made more complicated because the person you’re grieving hasn’t passed away – they are alive and kicking and now pursuing a life without you. In a divorce or break-up, we are not only grieving the losses mentioned above, we are grieving the loss of our dream of what we thought the relationship was going to be, and whether we are the “leaver” or the “left”,  we are likely to go through a significant amount of grief.

It’s a commonly held myth that those who leave relationships don’t grieve, particularly if there is someone else involved. In my own experience as a counsellor as well as in my own life, I have learned this: the only people who do not grieve the end of a relationship are the ones without a conscience, ie the sociopath, who will move on with their life as though nothing happened. The narcissist, who is also an emotionally dangerous character, may grieve the end of a relationship, but the grief will be all about them and their hurt feelings and will either be acted out with anger and vindictiveness or passive-aggression, cutting the ex-partner off “dead”.

If someone has left you, you may be struggling with feelings of rejection, abandonment and betrayal. There is a positive side however. You  don’t have to carry the burden of having destroyed the relationship. This was done “to you”, not “by you”. Those who leave may have feelings of guilt, and will forever carry the responsibility for the ending. Both the “left” and the “leaver” will struggle with grief in different ways.

If there are children involved, the grief is extended to the family. Never again will the family be fully together. Children’s lives on a day-to-day level as well as on a deeper level are always affected by divorce. Children grieve and act out. The knowledge that things will never be the same again, even if things weren’t great when you were together, is a painful realisation. Children can, however, learn amazing resilience through divorce, if their grief is acknowledged and their emotional needs are heard and given the highest priority.

In the scenario where someone leaves for another person, the person who is left will feel an even stronger sense of betrayal and rejection, but again, there are positives. They are more likely to receive support from those around them. The person leaving for another can often be demonised, and little support is given by friends and family. They also run the risk that this may not work out, and that they may end up alone in the long run anyway.

Here’s another truth I have learned: when we leave a marriage or a relationship for someone else, that “someone else” is just a symptom of a relationship or marriage that is already ailing. Leaving a relationship for someone else is a common scenario, and in most cases it doesn’t work out. Why? Because the “someone else” provided the very thing that was missing in the original marriage/relationship – be it intimacy, sex, fun, connectedness – but the other necessary ingredients may not be there.

Another factor to consider about a new relationship when leaving a marriage is that the person who’s left the marriage will find themselves in a confusing duality of emotions – grieving their previous relationship, while flying high on newly found infatuation. Infatuation is an incredibly potent feeling, especially when a person has been in a troubled relationship for years. So potent, that they may convince themselves that they are in love and it’s “meant to be”. When the infatuation begins to wear off and they look at their new partner more realistically, they may realise that they have simply exchanged one set of problems for another, or are re-enacting their old relationship. Why? Because they haven’t healed the part of themselves that helped create the first situation, so they’ve re-created it again. The Universe will keep sending us the same challenges until we learn the lesson! Whatever wasn’t resolved in your last relationship must be resolved if you don’t wish to repeat it!

I believe that on a spiritual level, the Universe can send in a third party to break up a relationship that is already over (ie. there is no more growth to be had). We are not necessarily meant to stay with the person who “broke up” the marriage. They may be the catalyst that wakes us up. In some cases, the new relationship does last because both are ready for commitment and growth.

If the person who’s been left chooses to remain feeling victimised and doesn’t take responsibility for their part in the demise of the relationship, they are doomed to repeat the same old same old. Because the partner’s affair has “muddied the waters” and blinded them to the underlying issues. When someone leaves us and we take on a “victim mentality”, we will see the leaver as the “wrongdoer” – the one who “destroyed the family”, and we can make it all about the other person and the betrayal, as opposed to being willing to look at the state of the marriage/relationship that contributed to the situation in the first place. I know a lot of people won’t agree with me on this. That’s because we live in a society that wants to label “right” and “wrong”, “victim” and “wrongdoer”, “good” and “evil”. This is our egos at work – our egos are fearful and love to judge. We find it difficult to apportion responsibility to both in a divorce. Notice I didn’t say “blame”, I said “responsibility”.

By the same token, the person who leaves for someone else must take responsibility for why they left the marriage. If things weren’t working, why didn’t they leave sooner, for a clear reason?

In every relationship, each partner must own their 50 percent. Don’t believe me? Let me share this with you. A woman who is, say, married to an alcoholic – perhaps she turned a blind eye to the problem, stayed and put up with abuse when she should have left, was willing to walk on eggshells every time he drank and became abusive, and didn’t own her true worth. She must own the part of herself that kept quiet and told no one, the part of herself that lied to herself that he’d change, the part of herself that was willing to allow her kids to grow up in hell and the part of herself that would rather live like this than be alone.

I’m always amazed when I hear how “he never treated me well and now he’s left me”. Why didn’t YOU leave ? It’s time to own the part of you that would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than be alone. Have you been hoping he’ll change for all those years? What a waste of time. Do not convince yourself that this is love – it’s not. Love is a two-way thing. This is neediness and low self-worth and there is nothing noble nor loving about it.

It’s not unusual to get stuck in the cycle of blaming the other (“She did this”), or blaming yourself (“If only I hadn’t …”). Blame is neither constructive nor helpful. Re-hashing the past won’t get you anywhere. Remember the Serenity Prayer:

“God, give me the strength to change the things I can change, to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

One of the worst things about going through a break-up is missing the companionship and the intimacy that only comes from being together and knowing each other for many years. Even the worst marriages have their good times, and it’s not unusual to find yourself reminiscing the good stuff and forgetting about the painful times. Often the very person you would like to lean on and be comforted by Is the one who has left you, or you have left.

So how do you get through the grief of someone leaving you, or leaving another? First and foremost, own your part in it. If you balk at this idea, you are still in the victim mentality, and you are doomed to stay angry and never move on. Own your part. Everything that is happening in our lives is simply a mirror of what we need to learn about ourselves and heal. If you feel wronged or betrayed, in what ways have you wronged and betrayed yourself? If you feel that you were never fully loved, in what ways didn’t you love yourself?  If you felt you were unsupported, in what ways did you not support yourself? Once you’ve owned your part and fully taken in the lesson, forgive yourself. You are a faulty human, like 99.999% of us. By owning your own humanness, not judging yourself, but forgiving yourself, be willing to forgive your ex. They’re also a faulty human being. You’ve both taught each other something. Look for the gifts. This doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily choose to be friends, or that they will forgive you. it just means you will be free from toxic emotions that will sabotage your future. And there is a future, and it is as bright and exciting as you choose for it to be.


How do I get through the grief of losing someone?

Few of us escape the experience of grief. It begins with loss – loss of a loved one, a relationship, and life transitions such as retirement or children leaving home. In this post I’d like to focus on the grief we experience when someone close to us dies (my next post will put the spotlight on grief around endings of relationships/marriages).

In our busy western world where everything seems to be happening faster and faster and we all want quick results, there is little room for grieving, because grief is a process that cannot be hurried.  It is our profound human way of adjusting to life and who we are now without that person in our lives anymore.

Everyone experiences grief in a different way, and every loss is unique. Of course there are going to be significant differences in the death of an 80 year old grandmother who dies peacefully versus the death of a young man in a car accident. That’s not to discount the level of grief someone may feel when their grandparent of parent passes away, but untimely deaths (young people) and sudden deaths (murder, accident, overdose, suicide) are going to be a severely life-changing experience for those close to that person, beginning with shock and disbelief and possibly taking them to the depths of despair.

The grief we feel is also going to be influenced by the relationship we had with that person. The more complicated the relationship, the more complicated the grieving process may be. And of course, the more time and love we share with a person, the greater our sense of loss when you are no longer there.

In other cultures, grief is a respected process. Wakes can go on for days, loved ones are allowed to let out their feelings vocally and the grieving person is encouraged to wear different attire, such as black, for a long period to indicate that they are grieving and for others to make allowances for them. Sadly, in our western world, this is not the case. Funerals and memorial services are public forums for expressing grief, and the rest of the process is done alone. I have met with clients who have never had the chance to grieve their mother or father dying, and it’s not until years later that an event has triggered the stored-up, repressed grief that they have been carrying around for years. Unprocessed emotions are a heavy burden to carry around and they prevent us from living our lives fully. That is why it is important to allow ourselves time to grieve, to really feel the feelings, no matter how painful, and embrace them fully.

During the grieving process a person can feel profoundly alone and feel like they’ve hit rock-bottom. We must go to the very core of who we are in order to be re-born and gain our new identity of our transformed self. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who studied and wrote about the anatomy of grief, named the various stages  – denial, anger, etc. It is not uncommon for the grieving process to take two years and for these various stages of grief to swing back and forth. Just when we feel we’re getting on top of it, we’re swamped by more emotions. While many people wish to grieve privately, I advise they seriously consider talking to someone about their grief if they have any of the following conditions:

  • Feelings of guilt
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Feelings of extreme hopelessness or loneliness
  • Prolonged agitation or depression
  • Uncontrolled rage
  • Inability to achieve daily requirements and tasks
  • Substance abuse.

If you have lost a loved one, the following 5 steps may be helpful.

  1. Honour that you are going through the grieving process. By acknowledging this, you make allowances for yourself and your feelings. Every day allow yourself the time and space to express your grief in the way you need to do it. Don’t judge yourself – be kind to yourself and see this time as healing time. Remember, there are no “shoulds” as to how you grieve or how long it takes for you to grieve. This doesn’t mean that you don’t “get on with life” and do the things you need when you can, but it does mean that you don’t ignore your feelings and allow the time to honour them.
  2. If you are struggling with unresolved issues around your relationship with the deceased person, write them a letter telling them everything you wish you could have said to them when they were  alive. Alternatively, imagine they are with you and have the conversation with them. On an energetic level, this is very powerful, because you are expressing what you need to express and letting it go. I believe that on a spiritual level, the person also receives this communication.
  3. If you need to forgive the person, do so. Not forgiving is only going to poison you. Remember, forgiveness is not saying that what they did is okay; forgiveness is consciously saying “I now choose to let this go, and all the toxic emotions I hold around it”. If you need to forgive yourself, do so by acknowledging the mistake and taking in the lesson, then let it go. Guilt and self-punishment doesn’t help anybody. Write a letter of apology or have a conversation with that person, in the spiritual sense.
  4. Write a gratitude list of all the happy memories you have about the person, and another gratitude list for everything you learned through your relationship with them. Some of these may have been painful lessons, but if it’s helped you grow as a person, then it’s a gift.
  5. Creatively express your grief. It may be a collage of photos, a sacred alter in homage to the person containing things that the person loved, or lighting a candle or incense next to the person’s photo – whatever helps you outwardly express your feelings.

Carlos Sluzki  wrote “Losses are the shadow of all possessions – material and immaterial”. Just as we enjoy the gifts of love, we must also suffer the pain of loss.


8 Keys to More Happiness

So many people are struggling to find happiness.  From feeling “flat” and not able to get excited about anything a lot of the time to mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. In a world that has so much to offer, why is happiness evading us? Below are eight things to know if you want to have more happiness in your life.

  1. Happiness is a choice. Happiness means inner peace and joy and is not dependent on outside circumstances. We can choose whether we want to be happy or not, no matter what problems we face. Sometimes we face extreme challenges such as grief and loss. At these times, it’s important to understand that grief is a process and we must go through it and truly feel it, but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away or that we may still enjoy moments of happiness. When waking up each day, say to yourself “today I choose to be happy” and smile. The physical act of smiling sends a message to your subconscious mind that all is well, which can create a wonderful ripple effect.
  2. Don’t compare yourself to others. This is a sure way to make yourself unhappy! Comparison is the thief of joy. There is always going to be someone who is doing better than you, who is smarter, who is better looking … and there are also those who aren’t doing as well as you, are less smart, less good looking. Comparison comes from our ego mind. Pay no heed. We are each on a unique journey, here to learn about and experience different things, The only person you need to compare yourself with is the person you were yesterday.
  3. Don’t focus on “shoulds”. If you’re hearing yourself say such things as “I should have done that differently”, “I should have bought a property by now”, “I should be earning X by now”, that’s also your ego mind working you up. Whenever we hear the word “should” used by others or ourselves, it’s an indication that we’re focusing on others’ values and not our own. There are no “shoulds” in life! We are at where we are at, as simple as that.
  4. Be in the now. When we’re putting emphasis on the past or the future, we are not in the now, and we’re probably regretting (past) or worrying (future). Ego mind again! When we are fully present in the now, there is usually little to worry about. There may be tasks to attend to, so why not get on and do them with as much inner peace and joy as you can muster? Mary Poppins wasn’t wrong when she sang “in every task that must be done, there is an element of fun …” The problem is we judge it as boring or can’t enjoy it as we’re too busy in our heads racing towards the next thing that must be done! The present moment is always perfect. Be in it.
  5. Stop Wanting. Many of us think “I’ll be happy when … I go on holiday … I find a partner … I get that job”. Often times we attain that goal and happiness evades us yet again. Why? Because, as I said in point 1, happiness is not dependent upon outside circumstances. If we’re not happy now, we are unlikely to be happy when we get what we want. Sure, have desires, goals and dreams for the future, but detach from them.
  6. Stop wishing problems would go away. Problems/challenges are there to teach us something and to heal the parts of ourselves we need to heal. When we accept that they are a part of life, and fully embrace them, life gets a lot easier.
  7. Love yourself. Do things that you know are good for you – eat healthy food, get regular exercise, do things that are good for your soul and spend time in nature. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself the way a best friend would. Listen to the voice you speak to yourself in – if it’s not already, make it gentle, kind and non-judging.
  8. Practise Gratitude. So many of us are surrounded by abundance, and yet have a poverty mentality; others have little and yet have wealth beyond measure. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true! Happy people are appreciative people who savour the moment. True wealth has little to do with how much we own, how successful we are or how much we’ve achieved. Learn to enjoy the simple things – sipping tea from a favourite cup, taking a walk and admiring the trees and flowers, being truly present with loved ones and engaging with them. Find the sacred in everyday life. That’s true wealth. Stop focusing on what’s missing and focus on what’s right in your life.

And remember to smile 🙂

How do I stay positive about reaching my goal?

So you’ve decided what it is you want and have created a vision statement or vision board and a loose plan for how it is you’re going to get there (and I have purposely said “loose” because the Universe works in mysterious and wonderful ways and doesn’t always deliver our desire to us in the way we expect it to) and you are visualising, until you get to the “feeling” state of having your desire on a regular basis. This is all great and then, without warning, something happens that totally turns your positivity and high expectations to hopelessness and negativity.

Perhaps a great lead came your way and it was taken away from you, or someone said something that dissed your dream, or you feel like you’re walking through mud to get anywhere. You begin to say to yourself “perhaps the Universe is telling me I’m not meant to be doing this” or “I’ve been kidding myself, “they” were right” or “this should be easier”.

But the truth is, rarely does anything that is highly desired fall into someone’s lap. Many people who have done great things have had challenges and failures on their journey to getting to where they wanted to be.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm” said Winston Churchill. High achievers get to where they want to be because they stay determined about their vision and don’t give up.

Bill Gates shared with us that “People tend to overestimate what they can do in the short-term and under-estimate what they can do in the long-term” – I think I shared this in my last post – but it’s very significant. If we hold unrealistic timescales, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We must allow the Universe time to orchestrate our manifestation.

Challenges are going to come along and test us on our way to our dream, so begin to change the way you look at challenges/problems. We tend to see problems as something we don’t like; something we must meet head-on and go into battle with. Begin to change the way you look at problems as:

  • something neither good nor bad (it may even be an opportunity in disguise)
  • an opportunity to learn and grow
  • something to allow and be curious about.

Your experience of life is how you view what happens to you. You can view a situation as a problem or an opportunity, and many problems can be resolved with a change of viewpoint. Albert Einstein told us that “problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them”. Loosen up your thinking, take a “big picture” approach and investigate what you need to do to step over them, through or around them. There are no accidents. Know that the challenge has presented itself for a good and positive reason. Ask yourself “What is the gift here?”

The Universe likes to challenge us. “Just how much do you want this?” it is asking you. If you have the willingness to face the challenge, you will be rewarded. Challenges are going to happen to us whether we stay where we are, or choose our own unique path. Face that there are going to be times when you feel disheartened. When this happens, take a deep breath, shake off the negative feelings and re-focus back on your vision board or statement. Ask yourself “What is it I need to learn right now?”

Do all that you can to gain a sense of emotional relief, even if it’s just the thought “I’m being challenged right now and I’m not sure what to do, but I’m on my way to figuring it out”. Remember everything is a process!

On my own journey to fulfilling my life purpose, I have had many challenges – disappointments, time when I have felt like I’m standing still and not moving forward, setbacks and delays. When this has happened, I’ve asked the Universe to send me a sign as to what I’m supposed to do next. It’s never failed me. Signs come to me all the time. In my letterbox one day came a marketing card with the words ‘STAY DETERMINED” written on it (that was a few years ago and I’ve kept it), or someone has said something to me that has answered the question I needed answered.

Staying determined about your dream means having faith – trusting in the Universe that it’s behind you and that you are fully supported in your mission. If we lose faith, we give up. Remind yourself of the positive things you’ve achieved so far and the positive results. Give yourself a pat on the back each and every day for what you’ve achieved – really praise yourself ! Without self-belief, we’re not going to last the distance. As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”.

How do I find my purpose?

“How do I find my purpose?”

This is a question I hear frequently, when a person feels lost or isn’t enjoying their current work situation. They know they don’t want to be where they are, but they don’t know what they want to do either. In life, everything is a process. Rarely do we jump from one situation to our ideal situation. It usually involves steps. The first thing to do, is to stop beating yourself up because you haven’t found your purpose yet! Many people don’t find their purpose until later in life, and the more of life I’ve observed, I’ve come to realise that purpose very often finds us.

However, if you are eager to move forward in your life and let go of all the things that aren’t serving you, I would suggest that you change the question “How do I find my purpose?” to “How do I live my life on purpose?” This is going to help you change the way you feel about your current situation. If we’re not happy right here and now, we’re not necessarily going to be any happier when we arrive “over there”. Many people are working in fields they’re not enjoying, but feel unable to leave because of financial commitments or no experience or training in another field. Wherever you are at, begin to notice the things you do enjoy about your situation, because nothing is ever all-bad or all-good. Make a list every day of the positive aspects of your job or situation – it may be something as simple as a comfortable office chair, having a good cup of coffee at your desk, or another staff member being helpful. The more you focus on the positives and feel gratitude for them, the more the Universe will send you to be grateful for. This attitude of gratitude is going to not only create a change in you; it’s going to create a change in your environment!

When you have some quiet time on your own, grab a pen and paper and do the following:

  • Make a list of everything you love to do – something or things that when you are doing them, you feel complete joy and happiness and lose track of all space and time. I call this “being in the zone”. We all have a gift or gifts. Many of us were not encouraged enough to explore this part of ourselves in our childhood if it was not something our parents valued, or perhaps got the message that we could it enjoy it as a pastime, but to choose a career that would keep us employed and earning money (“don’t even think about earning money from something you love to do because that’s not work!”).
  • Write another list of things you know you’re good at (chances are at least some of these things you love to do!).
  • What are your strengths? Make a list of these and ask your friends and family (people whose opinions matter to you) what they think your strengths are and make a list of these as well. Once you have these answers, you should be getting a pretty good idea of what it is you’re meant to be doing.
  • Now ponder this question: If you could give something to the world to make it a better place, what would it be? (eg. peace, an end to poverty, happiness).
  • Now create a loose “mission statement”: For example: “Through my gift for creating beautiful spaces and my strengths of a positive attitude, kindness and patience, I will contribute happiness and harmony to the world.” (this person is on her way to being an interior designer).

Once you have identified what you’d like to be doing, ask yourself some questions:

  • Is it ok for me to have this?
  • What am I prepared to give up for it?
  • How is it going to affect the important people in my life?
  • Is it in my highest good and the highest good of all?

Some research will be necessary on what is needed to become that person. It may be that you need to re-educate, and if you’re reliant on your day job, you may have to fit it in after hours. No one said this is going to be easy! But staying in a job that feels unaligned to your soul, and giving most of your waking hours to it, isn’t easy in the long run either. Sometimes I hear “but there’s no money in it!”. Follow your passion, my dear, and the money will follow. It may not be as much as you’re earning as a chartered accountant (or it may be!), but you’ll find you won’t need as much because you’ll be happy, less stressed, and not needing all the expensive rewards we tend to give ourselves when we’re unaligned to our work. We are meant to be following our “dharma”. By becoming the best version of ourselves, we give a gift to all those around us and we raise the vibration of the earth.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step” said Lao Tzu. Knowing what you’re meant to be doing is the first step to creating the life you want.

Bill Gates told us “People tend to overestimate what they can do in the short-term and underestimate what they can do in the long-term”. Think long-term! Have patience with yourself and your dream. Make a vision board and put on it pictures and words that depict your ideal outcome. Look at it often and remind yourself you are on your path. Visualise being this person who is living their life purpose until you are in the “feeling” state of it.  It’s the feeling state that attracts to us that which we desire. Actually “be” that person you’d like to be! We are all creators and we all have the capacity to create the life we want.

In my next post, I’ll be writing about how to stay on track when making a transition.

Why do we attract toxic relationships?

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have experienced at least one toxic relationship, and many of us go on to repeat the pattern. If you have a pattern of being in toxic relationships, the first step is to own it. On a deeply subconscious level you have chosen it and have been sabotaging your own happiness for years. But before you go into self-blame and self-hatred (a big no-no), understand that there is a big difference between taking the blame and accepting responsibility. Blame says “I am guilty, I stuffed up”. Responsibility says “I accept that I created this, I don’t know how I did, but I did, and I’m willing to explore why.” Because the truth is, it’s not your fault! Not on a conscious level anyway.

It all goes back to our earliest experiences and what we experienced in our family. Many of our family relationships were dysfunctional and less than loving, and the various events and circumstances affected us, because from these, we created beliefs that now create the lives we life. For example, your father may have ignored you a lot of the time, and from this you acquired the belief “I’m not worthy of love and attention”. The upshot is that you find yourself with men who aren’t capable of loving you enough. Or your mother may have had a short temper and blew off at you on a regular basis. From this, you acquired a belief that said “I can never get it right”, the result being that you feel inept, victimised and angry. These beliefs are deep, buried in our subconscious, and are often referred to as core beliefs. Our parents are our greatest role models, and from the youngest age we are watching them and taking on beliefs about what love looks like. Let’s say your mother was a strong woman who took charge, while your dad had a hard time getting his act together and was often unemployed. The likelihood is that you’ll be a strong, capable woman and have a pattern of attracting useless men.

Why do we attract the very scenario that damaged us in our early years? Because, on a subconscious level, we feel safe and in our comfort zone when we are in a scenario or with a person similar to our childhood situation. On an earthly level this seems totally unfair – but on a spiritual level it is absolutely perfect. Patterns are repeated until we get the lesson we are meant to have, transform our incorrect beliefs and realise who we really are. That we are perfect, whole and complete, fully capable of loving and receiving love.

It’s important to realise that whatever we believe becomes our reality. Humans don’t believe possible what they have not yet experienced. If we have only ever experienced dysfunctional, toxic relationships, we don’t know what it’s like to experience a healthy, loving relationship and often don’t believe it’s possible that we can. Often, toxic relationship behaviour becomes part of our identity – co-dependence, rescuing, caretaking and the victim mentality are not always easy to let go if that’s how you’ve always been and that is how your mother always was. If you let that go, then who are you? Loss of identity is a common occurrence when we decide we are going to change.

So how do we start the journey of transforming our pattern of being in toxic relationships? The transformation needs to take place on the inside first, not the outside. We begin by becoming aware of the beliefs we are carrying and change them around to the truth.

“I’m not worthy of love and attention” can be transformed into “I am worthy of love and attention” because we all are!

“I can never get it right” can be transformed into “I do my best and my best is good enough”.

As you begin to transform your thoughts and beliefs, your outside world begins to change. Sometimes the one we are in a relationship with will also change, but many times not. As your beliefs change, your self-esteem begins to grow and you start to see yourself in a different light. Personal transformation is neither overt nor dramatic – it is a peaceful, quiet phenomenon – and when the time is right, you will just “know” that you deserve better, and from this knowing, you will choose to leave. You will also become more aware of the early “warning bells” when you begin dating again, and to know it’s in your highest good to steer clear of certain people, even if you are attracted to them.

Changing your beliefs is Step 2 in 5 Steps to Finding Love.

There is a Time for Everything…

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under Heaven;
A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to break down and a time to build up;
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get and a time to lose;
A time to keep and a time to cast away;
A time to rend and a time to sow;
A time to keep silence and a time to speak;
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time of war and a time of peace.

These are the words of the song "Do everything, turn, turn, turn", and they originate from the Bible. They are a great reminder that we are meant to experience everything in this life and to feel the emotions that go with these experiences. We are even allowed room for war and hate! There is a timely season for it all. I find this passage comforting as it addresses the human experience and its cycles, both big and small. (I'm not a practising Christian; just fascinated by the wisdom in many religious texts). In Buddhist mindfulness meditation, we are asked to sit with anything that comes up which can often be uncomfortable emotions. It's only by owning them and feeling them that we are able to process them and free ourselves.

Some of my clients over the past few months are experiencing changes that they didn't want to happen, or are feeling impelled to make changes but are scared about carrying out the necessary steps and risk that go with that. Others are grieving the loss of a relationship, or feeling alone and that their lives are empty. That well known-biblical phrase of "This too shall pass" is not always helpful when we're experiencing intense or troubled times, because it can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If we are experiencing loss and grief, or feeling angry, frustrated, empty or any other emotion that we label as negative, the best thing we can do is accept it and feel it. By doing this, we allow the emotions the time they need to process and then pass through us. If we try to block out our emotions, we end up holding onto them because we're preventing the natural flow, and the result is that they remain within us and we harden and become bitter.

When we experience loss, we can see it as part of the many seasons of our life. "A time to break down, a time to build up", "A time to keep and a time to cast away". We must experience loss in order to create the new, like the leafless winter trees before spring comes and beautiful bright green buds appear. "A time to love and a time to hate" reminds us that in order to know love, we must know hate. We have all hated someone or something in our lives, and it is a necessary emotion at times. If someone has really hurt us, the immediate emotion of hate drives us to put up a boundary of self protection. Holding onto the emotion of hate is destructive, but by fully feeling the emotion, we allow it to pass through us until we are ready to forgive. "A time of war and a time of peace" reminds us that sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves if we are being bullied or treated badly, or fighting a difficult battle such as a divorce or court case.

While we grow through many different experiences, it is through pain that we grow the most and become our true and authentic selves. If you are experiencing a challenge and going through emotional pain, please remember to feel the feelings as deeply as you can. It can be scary, but you will get through it quicker in the long run. You will also come out of it a renewed and better person who is ready for a new beginning.

The 5 Myths of Being Single

I see it too often – friends and clients who are attached to the idea that they will be “complete” when they meet “the one”. I used to believe it too until I found myself single at age 47 and realised that I needed to fall in love with myself and my own life before I invited anyone into it. There are a lot of myths out there about being single that most of us take on as truth – but they aren’t truth – they’re a belief held in the collective unconscious. I have defined them below as 5 myths.

Myth Number 1 – I will be happy and complete when I’ve found my true love

Yes, and you will also be unhappy! Relationships come with just as much pain and sadness as being single. When we accept the truth that happiness is a choice we can make independent of our outside circumstances, we can choose to be happy as a single person. All around us we are getting messages from the media and other people that romance will complete us – it never will, until we complete ourselves.

Myth Number 2 – We are all meant to be “coupled”

We are each perfect, whole and complete as an individual, and perfectly capable of being happy and fulfilled as a single person. When we realise that we have all that we need within us, that we don’t need to be fixed, that we can nurture ourselves and love ourselves better than anybody else can, we can let go of this belief.

Myth Number 3 – Being single is an “in between, limbo” time

While being single is a great time to go within, get to know yourself and heal from past relationships, it’s also a time to be embraced fully and to do all the things you want to do. Explore your passions and your gifts, take up an interest, re-educate and become a better version of yourself. The fact is, not all of us is going to meet the right person in this lifetime. When we accept that, we begin living the life we want to live, instead of waiting for Mr. Right to give us the life we want.

Myth Number 4 – Being single means being lonely

Loneliness is a feeling that comes from within us. It may be triggered when we are alone, but we can also feel lonely when we are in a relationship. I know I often felt lonely when I was married to a workaholic. When we are single, we are open to many other relationships which can fulfil our needs – close friends, colleagues, like-minded people, family members – each of them has something to give us. Loneliness is something we need to make friends with. Sometimes we need to just sit with ourselves, feel the loneliness and tell ourselves it’s ok. Becoming your own best friend is the best gift you can ever give yourself.

Myth Number 5 – “The One”

One of the most popular questions I’m asked when giving a reading is “Is he The One?” My short answer is “If you need to ask me that, then he probably isn’t”. My other short answer is “There is no such thing as The One”. There will be positives and negatives in any relationship, and you are going to meet people who are more capable of meeting your needs than others, but nobody will ever be “perfect” for you, because on an earthly level, none of us are perfect! Believing in “The One”, “True Love” and “Soul Mates” can put an overly idealised romantic expectation on another human being. When we attempt to put anyone on a pedestal and they disappoint us (which they will inevitably do from time to time), they have a long way to fall. Let go of the myth that you have to meet “The One” and instead have a more grounded, realistic approach when deciding if someone is suitable as a long-term partner.

I hope I haven’t burst your romantic bubble – it’s not meant to. I’m a great believer in romance – but life can be romantic without a partner as well as with a partner. Life can be amazing as a single person. I’ve been in a relationship now for three years with a wonderful man, but I do find myself poignantly looking back at my mid-life single years with wonderful memories and no regrets. There was a lot of growth, a lot of fun, a lot of friends and the world was my oyster.

You cannot keep Spring from coming

You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.
- Pablo Neruda

I love this quote, which is a reminder that we are all in a process (which we may not even be aware of) and it is taking us to a more enlightened state. Everything we are currently experiencing is exactly what we are meant to be going through in order to bring self awareness and growth. If we can see our lives from this point of view, it allows us to go with it, as opposed to resisting and wishing things could be different or stay the same. This is how we get "stuck". In other words, the more we "go with the flow" and practise acceptance, the more open we are to life's lessons and growth. Learning to be able to do this can be challenging. Just as we may be struggling to accept our outside world, we may also be struggling with accepting and loving ourselves. In fact, our resistance to what is is merely a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.. So many of us (myself included!) berate ourselves when we feel unable to be in the flow. But this is where the process must begin - with ourselves.

The Shift which happened in 2012 is Earth moving from the 3rd Dimension into the 5th Dimension. We are evolving at a fast rate. The changes that are happening around us and to us are sweeping us all towards this evolution, whereby we remember our true power - that we are all co-creators with God. Because we are in this process of change, sometimes you may feel that you know this, and other times you forget and slip back into victim mentality. 

Whenever you feel that you are struggling with yourself or with issues, reconnecting with the Divine brings you back to where you are meant to be. The following prayer can be helpful.

Dear God / Universe,

Today I feel I am struggling with my circumstances and with loving myself. Please help me to forgive myself and realise who I really am. Please flood my mind with Divine perception, that I may see through the veil of illusion. May the Light of Love shine deep within my heart and extend through me to love and bless the world.

Thank You.

Rest is not idleness

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
- John Lubbock

Something that has become more and more apparent to me in my own life and in the lives of the people I see is that true prosperity lies not just in money, but in having time to just "be", enjoying a sense of wellbeing and connecting in a meaningful way with those we care about. Of course having money IS important - we live in a world that operates on the exchange of money, and many of the things we want are only available to us by spending money. The problem arises when we falsely think that money will be the answer to all our problems, and when we believe that "I'll be happy when I have $xxxxxxx in the bank". But how long is a piece of string and just how much do we need to have in order to feel secure? True financial security comes from trusting that we have the means within us to manifest all that we need and desire as and when we need and desire it! The greatest block I see in people is being able to trust that we will be provided for.

Our core beliefs and resulting emotions create the lives we are living. If we hold such beliefs as "You have to work hard to earn a living", "I'm always scraping by", or "I have to do this job, otherwise I can't afford to live", then the outcome will be just that. But when we become aware of these beliefs and are able to loosen up our thinking, we can start to create new beliefs and we free ourselves from the chains we've been locking ourselves in. Because the truth is that we are meant to be doing what we love to do - that is our dharma, our purpose, and if we are willing to trust in the Universe, it will reward us with all that we need.

If you're worried about debts, paying the bills or staying in a job you dislike, here's a few things you can do to begin the shift that's needed:

  • Do a daily gratitude list, to remind yourself of what you already have, instead of focusing on what you don't have (including aspects of your job)
  • Create a payment plan for your debts and stick to it
  • Do something for yourself every day that feeds your soul and is free - spending time in nature is always healing
  • Say the prayer below:

Dear God / Universe,

I dedicate to You my talents, abilities and finances. May the work I do be a blessing on everyone and give and bring Love, Peace, Prosperity and Light, and may my work be lifted to its highest possibility, as a blessing on all the world.

Thank you.

Surrender, and let the miracles unfold!


We must let go

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
- Joseph Campbell

Autumn is my favourite time of year in Sydney. A golden light and special stillness occur. It is the time of harvesting, but also the gateway to winter. Just as the trees shed their autumn leaves, we too at times need to let go.  Whether it is letting go of expectations, beliefs that no longer serve us, behaviours, addictions, an idea, a dream, a place or a person, the process can be scary and painful. The Buddha suggested that we let go of everything and not cling to anything; that life is a constant flow and when we cling to anything, we are no longer in the "allowing".  We tend to cling out of fear - fear of the unknown. Our ego minds convince us that we are not safe unless we have any manner of things from outside ourselves to keep us safe and secure. And yet it is only by letting go that we can transform our lives. We must let go of the old to bring in the new. In the Tarot, the card of Death represents just this - an ending and therefore a new beginning. How many times have we suffered a painful loss, only to look back in hindsight and see that it turned out to be a good thing? Or bravely walked away from something that no longer served us, for which we were rewarded further down the track?

If you are experiencing any kind of loss or are finding it hard to let go of something, you are not alone. After a loss there is often emptiness and uncertainty and we humans are terrified of both. But the seasons can help us trust in the process. The deciduous tree loses its leaves and its branches become bare as it waits for Spring. Many gum trees lose their bark. The fields give up their produce and are ploughed and lie fallow before the next plantation. And spring always comes, new buds always shoot, new bark always appears and new crops grow and on it goes. The key to letting go of anything is to trust.

If you have lost or let go of something, allow yourself time to grieve, and don't try to fill the empty space too quickly. It may be too soon. With some losses, we may feel that we lose our very identity. Allow the "winter" to occur and give yourself time to get to know the new you, because every loss brings with it transformation.

Here is a prayer from Marianne Williamson, to transform feelings of hopelessness or negativity:

I feel myself falling into the hole of self-pity, obsession and negativity. I know I shouldn't think this way, but I'm afraid and I cannot stop. Please replace my thoughts with higher ones. I am willing to see myself and all things differently. Please send me the miracle of new eyes and ears, that I might know my greater good.